(I decide to move closer to my college to make it easier to get back and forth to class. We move all our utilities over, keeping our home phone and high-speed Internet through the same company, which is one of the largest communications companies in Canada. About three months after we move and after the school year has started, my maternal grandfather passes away. Once the initial shock has passed, I go to email my professors to let them know I won’t be in classes for the remainder of the week, but I can’t get on the Internet. Being in a computer program, I check all my equipment, and am certain it isn’t my end, but I am too exhausted to deal with it, assume it is a blip, and go to bed, planning to send the email in the morning. However, in the morning it is still not working, so I root out my last bill and call the number on it.)

Customer Service Agent #1: “Thank you for calling [Internet company] tech support. My name is [Customer Service Agent #1]; how can I help you?

Me: “My Internet service has been down since at least last night. I’ve checked all my equipment, and it doesn’t appear to be my end. Is there an outage in the area?”

Customer Service Agent #1: “There are no outages that I’m aware of, but can I get your account number to take a look?”

Me: *gives account number and answers some verification questions*

Customer Service Agent #1: “I see. Your account has been shut down due to a billing issue.”

Me: “That’s not possible. I have my last bill in front of me, and according to my notes on it I paid it through my Internet banking on [date], which was well over a week before it was due. I would log into my bank to verify, but I have no Internet.”

Customer Service Agent #1: “I’m not really sure what happened, then. Let me get you over to someone in billing to get this sorted out.”

Me: “Okay, thank you.”

(After several minutes on hold, another person picks up.)

Customer Service Agent #2: “Thank you for calling [Internet company] billing. My name is [Customer Service Agent #2]; how can I help you?”

Me: “I’ve not had any Internet access since last night. I was just speaking to a tech support agent, and he said it was a billing issue and transferred me to you. Can you help me straighten this out?”

Customer Service Agent #2: “Okay, let’s take a look. Can I get your account number?”

Me: “You didn’t get it from the last agent?”

Customer Service Agent #2: “No, they blind-transferred you.”

Me: *gives account number and answers some verification questions*

Customer Service Agent #2: “Okay, apparently we don’t have your billing information on file, which is why your account was shut down. I’ll need to take either your credit card information, or your bank account information for direct withdrawal, to get the account active again.”

Me: “I’ve never given you that before, and I’ve been a customer of yours for several years. You’ve always billed me, and I’ve paid through my bank.”

Customer Service Agent #2: “No, we don’t bill people. We do direct withdrawal, either through your bank account or through a credit card.”

Me: “I have proof in my hand that says otherwise: a bill with both my home phone charges and my Internet charges. I’ve been a customer for several years, and that’s always how it’s been. All of my charges have come together on a bill and I have paid them. Why can’t that continue?”

Customer Service Agent #2: “I’m not really sure. Let me get you over to billing for [Main Company], and they may be able to tell you what’s going on. One moment.”

(I am put back on hold again before I can protest. After several minutes, another agent picks up.)

Customer Service Agent #3: “Thank you for calling [Main Company] billing. My name is [Customer Service Agent #3]; how can I help you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m really getting frustrated. I haven’t had Internet service since yesterday. I’ve spoken to tech support, and they say it’s a billing issue. I’ve spoken with [Internet company], and they’re insisting that I have to give them a credit card, which I don’t have, or my direct withdrawal banking information, which I also don’t have handy. I have always had all of my [Company] charges just billed to me, and I don’t understand why this has suddenly changed. Is there any way we can keep the current arrangement?”

Customer Service Agent #3: “Can I get your account number, please?”

Me: “You don’t have it already?”

Customer Service Agent #3: “Nope, you were blind-transferred.”

Me: *tries not to be overly testy as I give my account number and answer some verification questions*

Customer Service Agent #3: “Yes, you did have it on billing, but [Internet service] normally needs to do direct payment, either through your bank account or through a credit card. If you can give me either of those, I can reinstate your Internet service right away.”

Me: “I just told you I don’t have any of that information at the moment. Why the sudden change? I’ve been a customer of [Company] for four or five years now, and it’s never been a problem before. I even used to get my [Satellite Service] charges on the same bill, but I had to cancel that since I’m now a student and not working full-time. I’ve always paid my bill on time, so it’s not that I’m a delinquent customer, so I don’t understand why I can’t pay as I always have.”

Customer Service Agent #3: “The only way I can get the Internet back up for you is to get direct payment information from you now.”

Me: *feeling defeated* “I just need to send an email to my professors to let them know that I won’t be in class for the next few days because my grandfather passed away, before I go and spend time with my grieving family. You’re absolutely sure that there’s nothing you can do to help me out here?”

Customer Service Agent #3: “I’m sorry, but no.”

Me: “Can I speak to a supervisor, please?”

Customer Service Agent #3: “I don’t think that a supervisor will be able to help.”

Me: “Just let me speak to a supervisor.”

(Suddenly back to hold music. I have now been on the phone for almost an hour and I am genuinely upset at this point, and the hold music seems to go on forever. It is also now past time that I should normally be in a lab, and I wanted to email my professors before classes began, so I am especially unhappy.)

Customer Service Agent #4: *in a somewhat surprised tone* “Thank you for calling [Main Company]. My name is [Customer Service Agent #4]; how can I help you?”

Me: “Are you a supervisor with [Company]?”

Customer Service Agent #4: “Yes, I am. What can I help you with?”

Me: *fighting to not cry on the phone* “You are now the fourth person I have spoken to with regard to what should be a very simple issue. My Internet service was cut off at some point yesterday due to [Internet Company] not having my direct withdrawal information or credit card information on file. I have never put that information on file, as [Company] has always billed me for the charges for both my Internet and home phone service directly. I am not sure why this has changed; the timing is incredibly poor, as my grandfather passed away yesterday, and I need to email my professors to let them know why I will not be in class. I just want to be billed as I have been for the last four or five years. Can you please help me with this?”

Customer Service Agent #4: *still sounding somewhat surprised* “So, all you’re after is bundling all your services onto one bill, correct?”

Me: “Yes, that and reactivating my Internet service.”

Customer Service Agent #4: “Of all the… Yes, I should be able to get that done for you. Can I get your account number, please?”

Me: “The last agent didn’t supply that information?”

Customer Service Agent #4: *in an exasperated tone* “No, I’m afraid you were transferred to me blind. I was not given anything.”

Me: “I take it from your tone that this is not normal operating procedure?”

Customer Service Agent #4: “No, it is not.”

Me: *supplies account number and answers verification questions*

Customer Service Agent #4: “Okay, Ms. [My Name], it does look like there was some sort of technical glitch that got your billing switched around to the more standard prepay for [Internet Company]. Give me a minute, and let me get it switched back for you.”

Me: *relieved* “Thank you so much.”

Customer Service Agent #4: *can hear her working in the background* “It always seems that these things happen at the worst possible time, doesn’t it?”

Me: “Murphy’s Law, I guess.”

Customer Service Agent #4: “I know, and I’m sorry. Okay… There. I have it reset back to post-pay, and since your payments are up to date — thank you for that, by the way — your Internet should be back on shortly. It won’t be instantaneous, but it shouldn’t take more than 15 to 20 minutes. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Me: “No, but thank you. You’ve been wonderful.”

Customer Service Agent #4: “I’m glad I could help, and let me extend my condolences to you and your family. I don’t think I’d be as calm as you have been if this happened after I had just lost a loved one.”

Me: “Thank you again. Goodbye.”

(True to her word, about ten minutes later I was able to connect to the Internet. I sent the email out to my professors, and left to go support my mother and her sisters. Fortunately, I never had to call their customer service again!)

This story is part of our Not Always Working Most-Epic Stories roundup!

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(My friends and I are at a pizza restaurant. We’re all students, so we don’t have loads of money to spare.)

Friend: “Could I get the chicken pizza vita, please?”

(They are half-size pizzas which come with a side salad.)

Waiter: “That won’t be enough to fill you up! Have a look at the classic pizzas.”

(He points at the more expensive classic pizzas.)

Friend: “Okay, I’ll have the classic margherita, then, please.”

(The waiter walks away.)

Friend: “Wow, he managed to upsell me a less expensive pizza.”

(Our meal is good, and we decide to look at the dessert menu. We see they do sets of three “mini” desserts, which seems like a good option for the three of us.)

Waiter: “They’re very mini, too small to share. You need to look at these full-size desserts!”

Me: “We’d like the mini desserts, please.”

Waiter: “You need three sets, though. They’re too small to just have one each!”

Me: “Okay, never mind. We’ll just get the bill, then, please.”

(I’m working behind the counter at a bookstore. My mother and severely autistic brother have come in to check my scheduled lunch times so we can meet later. A customer comes up to the counter with a novelty cookbook, called “The Marmite Cookbook.” Marmite is extremely popular in the UK. It is a yeast extract product that you either love or hate. It has an extremely potent taste.)

Brother: “Marmite! Marmite! MARMITE!”

Customer: “I take it that you like marmite, young man?”

Brother: “MARMITE!”

Mother: “Sorry about that; he can get a bit loud when he’s excited.”

Customer: “It’s okay.” *turns to brother* “Do you want to know a secret?”

Brother: “Marmite.” *it’s one of the only three words he likes to say*

Customer: “I love marmite, too!”

(The man proceeds to open his rucksack and he pulls out a bar of chocolate.)

Customer: “Is this okay?”

(My mother nods yes, and turns over the chocolate bar. It’s a marmite chocolate bar, something I have never seen before. My brother throws himself at the man in a hug and my mother starts crying.)

Customer: “Are you okay, ma’am?”

(My mother then explained that my brother had never initiated a hug, in his life. My mum and I both blubbered like babies and thanked the man. Thank you to the kind stranger that took five minutes to speak to my brother, even though at 6’4”, loud. and autistic, people can find him intimidating!)

(It is evening shift in a pub, and in comes in a busy gent, around his 30s, constantly talking on the phone, and half-glancing at a match on TV. He orders beer, and fish and chips.)

Me: “Your fish and chips, sir!”

(He struggles with his phone, trying to fix it against his shoulder, and finally, obviously having trouble to balance it while also cutting the fish and eating, looks at me and goes:)

Guest: “Do I have to cut it myself, too?”

Me: *pause* “Yes.”

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death

(My first job when I turn 16 is at a high-end department store in the UK, famed for its customer service. I normally work in the tech section — a teenager’s dream — but today they are short on the customer help desk, so I am drafted in to help. This is my second day assisting. I’m stood at the desk, keeping myself busy, when a lady in her 70s appears, in floods of tears.)

Me: “Hello, madam, is there anything I can help with today?”

Customer: “Oh, God… It’s just… Ohh…” *wails uncontrollably*

Me: “How about you take a seat here and calm down?”

(She sits, and gathers herself slowly.)

Me: “Okay, what’s happened? How can we help?”

Customer: “Well, you see, I had a delivery of my washing machine booked in this morning, for my new kitchen.”

Me: “Okay, and did the delivery team arrive on time and with the machine?”

Customer: “Yes, yes, that’s not the problem. They arrived on time, they came upstairs to the flat to check it could fit, and then they went down to the van to get it.”

Me: “Sounds good so far?”

Customer: “Well, yes… They got up to the flat, and started moving the washing machine down the corridor. As they got to the kitchen door, my cats decided to run out of the kitchen as they were startled by the machine… I think the first man saw this coming, but the man holding the back of the machine didn’t, and after my first cat appeared, he dropped it.”

Me: “Dropped the machine?”

Customer: “He dropped the machine onto the second cat.”

Me: “Oh. I see. Well… I’m so sorry… Let me go and find a manager, then; I’m not sure of what to do or say.”

Customer: “That’s not all.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Once they realised what they’d done, they said they’d take the machine back and replace it.”

Me: “And did they?”

Customer: “Well, they were in such a panic and rush to leave they reversed the lorry into my new brick wall.”

Me: “Oh.”

(Three minutes later in the office, where four section managers are:)

Me: “Okay, who wants a great situation to deal with today?”

(The chain paid for her entire new kitchen in full, all works to repair the wall, and the cremation of a cat.)