This Student Will Need To Be Discharged

, , , , , , | Right | March 17, 2011

(Ever since a particular Oscar-winning film has been released, our services have been quite popular.)

Me: “Hello, [Elocution Lessons]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I need some electrocution lessons for my husband.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. We can arrange some elocution lessons.”

Caller: “How much do you charge for electrocution?”

Me: “Prices are [price], ma’am. Forgive me for saying so, but it is pronounced elocution, not electrocution. They mean significantly different things.”

Caller: “I was calling for you to electrocute my husband! Not me!”

Me: “I apologise, I was not–”

Caller: “Stop correcting me and just electrocute my husband!”


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How You Know You’ve Been Working Too Long

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2011

(The customer is apparently employed at another branch of the same fast-food chain.)

Customer: “I’d like a [burger] meal with lemonade, please.”

Me: “That’s one [burger] meal with lemonade?”

Customer: “Would you like to go large with that?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Oh! I mean, yes. Thank you.”

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Sweet Spice

, , , , , , | Right | March 13, 2011

(I work on the pizza counter at a large supermarket chain. We make individual pizzas for the customer.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t put jelly babies on pizzas. What else can I get you?”

Customer: *pause* “Jelly babies, please.”

Me: “Sir, we do not serve jelly babies here.”

(This continues for quite a while.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “We do not sell jelly babies!”

(The customer then angrily points to an ingredient on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, those are jalapeños.”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

(I’m setting a customer up for a pre-authorized payment so her checking account pays her credit card automatically on the due date. I’m going over all the details.)

Me: “If there aren’t sufficient funds in the bank account at the time of payment, an NSF fee will be charged.”

Customer: “What?! You mean I have to have money in my bank account?”

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Massive Fan But Sadly Not A Breeze

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2011

(Customer calls to order some Justin Bieber-printed merchandise. We get to the checkout phase.)

Me: “Right, that’s [price].”

Caller: “I’m a massive fan. Can I get a fan discount?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “I’m a member of the fan club. I should get a discount for that or something!”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but we aren’t able to give that kind of discount.”

Caller: “This is appalling. You should give his fans money off! We deserve it! His fans shouldn’t have to pay as much for his products!”

Me: “Madam, I doubt anyone who wasn’t a fan would be buying these anyway. So, technically, you are getting the fan price.”

(Silence.)

Caller: “Screw this. I’ll do it online!”

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