So Pho, So Crazy

, , , , , , | Right | December 3, 2010

(I am working the tills at a supermarket. I am of Vietnamese descent but was born in London. An older gentleman comes through my till.)

Customer: *practically shouting* “Ni-Hao!”

Me: “Hello to you, too, sir, but that’s Chinese. I am actually Vietnamese.”

(I point to my name tag which in our shop goes by family name instead of first name. Mine is the very common Nguyen.)

Customer: “Don’t lie!”

Me: “I assure you, sir, I am Vietnamese.”

Customer: “There aren’t any Vietnamese people left!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Yeah, the Americans killed them all back in the seventies or something.”

Me: “I think you may have your history confused. I assure you there is still a Vietnam and it is full of Vietnamese people.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know how you managed to escape, but I wouldn’t say it so loudly. There might be Americans around looking for survivors.”

Me: *as I ring up his last item* “Probably a good idea. That will be £10.34, please.”

Customer: *as he pays* “Wouldn’t want a young lad like you getting caught!”

(The customer heads towards the exit but unfortunately notices the security guard who also happens to be my brother. He is six feet tall and a body-builder and I dread what might happen.)

Customer: “Ni-Hao!”

Brother: “Actually, I’m Vietnamese.”

Customer: “Another one?! But the Americans wiped you all out!”

Brother: *standing to full height* “I think you might want to just keep on walking.”

Customer: “How dare you talk to me like that?! I’m going to call the Americans, and then they’ll come down here and shoot you!”


This story is part of our Bad-With-History roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories From The Museum – From Stupid Visitors To Amazing Children!

 

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The Holy Ghost

, , , , , , , | Right | November 4, 2010

Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know why are there so many police and ambulances about?”

Me: “It’s for the Pope’s visit. He’s preaching in the Cathedral and then there’s a procession.”

Tourist: “But didn’t the Pope die years ago?”


This story is part of the More Clueless Tourists roundup!

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Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2010

Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry. Due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait five minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”

Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”

Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”

Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”

(The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)

Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, There was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”

Customer: “Your colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*

Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”

Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”


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Her Phone’s Not Much To Look At

, , , , , , | Right | October 27, 2010

Customer: “This compensation thing means you can get a phone back, right? I shouldn’t even have to pay. It’s your fault my daughter doesn’t have a phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Could you please tell me what happened and how it’s our fault? We’ll try to rectify it. Did it break for no reason?”

Customer: “Her teacher took it! She was texting me and the teacher confiscated it! She has no phone until they give it back.”

Me: “Most schools do operate a ban on cell-phones during school hours and inform the students. Ma’am, how is this our fault?”

Customer: “You lot told me when I bought it that it would be perfect for teenagers! There should be something to stop it being seen in school!”

Me: “And how do you suppose we do that?”

Customer: “You’re the techno-geeks; you should be able to make it invisible on and off or something! God! You just don’t work hard enough!” *stomps out angrily*


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That’s What He Thought

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2010

(A young male customer is paying by card.)

Me: “We’re having problems with our machine at the moment, so when you put it in, just make sure you give it a good wiggle.”

Customer: *mumbles* “That’s what she said.”

Me: *laughs*

Customer: “Oh, God, did I say it out loud again?!”

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