While driving my parents’ car on a long trip at night, the engine just stops and all the warning lights come on. I’m able to get the car off the road and open the hood. There is a massive amount of smoke and steam coming from the engine and after checking, I find that there is no coolant at all in the reservoir. I get to wait by the car while arrangements are made to pick both the car and me up.

The next day after examining the car, it is determined that a coolant hose came off while I was driving, and that caused the engine to overheat and seize. Over the next few days, my father acquires a new engine and swaps out the old engine with the new one. We then find out that my brother had taken the car in for some repairs a few days before my trip to dealership, and it was one of the hoses they worked on that came off.

My father is in contact with the dealership, but they say they are not at all at fault and refuse any kind of compensation. So, my father decides to take them to small claims court.

After a few months, we are all at the courthouse. The judge comes in and the case is read to her. As soon as the dealership’s name is mentioned, the judge asks for the lawyers — both ours and the dealership’s — to come forward and have a private discussion. This seems very odd, but all we can do is wait for our lawyer to come back and tell us what’s going on.

After a few minutes, our lawyer comes back with a smile on her face. Apparently, the judge is also having “issues” with the dealership, so she has to remove herself due to a conflict of interest. We can’t believe it.

Once the judge has officially removed herself from the case, the dealership settles for everything we wanted.

(I’m on the shop floor, where we have some sockets on display.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

(He gestures to one of the sockets.)

Customer: “Do you have a three-pin like this for the bathroom?”

Me: “No, the shaver sockets are designed with the steam from the bath or shower in mind, whereas three-pin are not. You’d short-circuit the thing if the contacts inside didn’t corrode first.”

Customer: “I guess I’ll look somewhere else.”

(I later told a colleague, who’s a trained electrician.)

Colleague: “Short? The d*** thing would blow up!”

(Looks like I gave him the best-case scenarios, because shaver sockets are 12V while mains are 240!)

(I work in social services where we provide care for elderly people who cannot look after themselves. We cover all of London, so it’s a very large area. I receive this call from a member of the public.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help?”

Caller: “I want to report a vulnerable elderly man to you so that he can get care.”

Me: “Okay, can I take his name and address?”

Caller: “I don’t know that.”

Me: “Okay. Can you tell me whereabouts in London he lives?”

Caller: “I don’t know. But he was fat and bald and was in a wheelchair. He said he was struggling to cope at home. I saw him at [Local Supermarket]. You know, the one opposite the chemist?”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know where you’re referring to, and without knowing his name or address, there’s not really anything we can do! If you could find that out, I’d be happy to help.”

Caller: “Well, you’ve been no help at all. If he was dying, would you just let him die?!”

Me: “Sir, if he was dying, I would suggest you call an ambulance. We don’t provide medical assistance.”

Caller: “Well, thank you for nothing!” *hangs up*

(I wish I could say that was a rare call. Alas, we get lots of people wanting results from nothing.)

(I’m sitting at the very front of a train when a homeless man carrying an open beer can approaches me.)

Homeless Man: “Excuse me, mate. Can you spare some change?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sorry.”

(I can, but I don’t tell him that. He goes down the carriage, asking everyone, then goes into the next one. Half an hour later, the train is reaching its end and I’m the only one in the carriage. He returns and walks straight into the wall at the end without breaking his stride. He looks at it for a minute as if he can’t quite process it, then he looks at me.)

Homeless Man: “So, how are you, then? What’ve you been up to tonight?”

(Not wanting to agitate him, I chat to him for a few minutes, whilst making sure to stay in CCTV view.)

Homeless Man: “So, I’ve been friendly, and I’ve given you some nice company. And I know you’ve got some change on you, so could you help me out?”

Me: “I really can’t.”

Homeless Man: “Why won’t you help a homeless guy? I’m just trying to find a place to sleep!”

Me: “I make regular donations to homeless charities; they all say if I give you money, it’s just going to keep you on the street. You need to seek professional help.”

Homeless Man: “But I’m not on the drugs, or the booze, or anything!”

Me: “I’ll help you out by giving you a tip. Maybe tell people that when you don’t have a beer can in your hand. I’d love to believe you, but I can’t right now.”

(He sulked and wandered off.)

(I’m a customer here. I am with my girlfriend, doing some shopping in a rather posh and famous department store in the middle of the city that is known for being quite expensive. Some people who shop there can be quite snotty. We are there looking for a present for my girlfriend’s sister’s birthday. I’m in a suit that does not look like a uniform at all. A customer comes up to me, holding a printed-out list with pictures of bags on.)

Customer: “I want you to find [three items]. I’m in a hurry; just let me see them, and then you can pack them up for me.”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, but I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Look: this is for my wife. I have a job to get back to; now do yours.”

Me: “I seriously do not work here, and besides, there is a line. There are two people behind us.”

Customer: *shoves the papers hard into my chest* “Here. Just go and find them. Don’t be a lazy c*** and fob me off. I know you lot work on commission, so it’s in your interest to serve me. Now do this, or get a real f****** job like me!”

Me: “Okay, sir, would that be the job whose company’s logo is on your umbrella?”

Customer: “Yes! Get me my bags now!”

Me: “Sure. I just have to ask your name to put you on the list for getting in line. And out of curiosity, it wouldn’t happen to be [Location down the street] you work at?”

Customer: “For f***’s sake. It’s [Customer], and yes, I do. Now, I have to go back there, so hurry yourself up, boy.”

(I pull out my phone, call my office, and ask to look up the customer’s name. As I’m doing this, he starts to go off, raising his voice about how I am bad at my job, should be fired, what kind of s*** am I pulling, etc. He calms down very quickly once I start to say his details for his work back to him. I thank my secretary and tell her I’ll be calling her back in a moment.)

Me: “[Customer], I’m [My Name], and I’m [Position making me his boss’ boss]. I wish I could say it’s nice to meet you. Due to your actions here today, it has become unclear whether you are a person we wish to have associated with [Company]; you have been placed on a two-week supervision period. If during those two weeks any of your work or behavior is unsatisfactory in any way, your employment will be terminated. Now, please take your papers back and wait for someone who works here to help you.”

(I called my secretary back, while the guy looked at me like I’d slapped him.)