(A friend of mine who works as a school librarian told me this one. The school gives out textbooks to students, which they need to return to the school when they finish a grade. A teacher comes to the school librarian.)

Teacher: “Can you keep track of the textbooks we give out to students? Like, could we line them up and get them to walk past you, and you scan their books?”

Librarian: “Yes. You’ll have to give me the textbooks, and I’ll have to put them on the catalogue and put barcodes on them.”

Teacher: *with a sigh of annoyance* “Ugh. I thought it was going to be really straightforward.”

(I told my friend she should have just stood there with a barcode scanner, let the students walk past with their books, and play a “bleep” noise every time one walked past. This teacher would have been none the wiser.)

(I have ordered textbooks for class online and go to the reception building to pick them up. After signing for the package, I go to take the books from the man behind the counter.)

Man: *playfully pulls the box away from my hands*

Me: *jokingly* “Go ahead. They’re books on literary theory. You can have them if you want.”

Man: *looks from the box to me* “Take them.”

(I work part time as a jack-of-all-trades in one of the UK’s chain supermarkets. Because it is busy, I am helping out on checkouts. An older lady approaches my till wanting to purchase a tub of vanilla ice cream. I scan the tub of ice cream.)

Me: “That will be £4, then, please!”

Customer: “That’s not right. It should be £1.67!”

(I void the item, and scan it again. It still says £4.)

Customer: “IT’S £1.67! DISCOUNT IT FOR ME IMMEDIATELY!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I can’t do that without supervisor permission. I’ll call one over now to check.”

Customer: “IT’S £1.67! ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF LYING?!”

(One of the supervisors arrives, having heard her raised voice. I explain the situation, and he disappears to the freezer aisle. He finds the ice cream and checks the price ticket. It says £4 and no offer. He comes back and explains this politely to the lady.)

Customer: “SO, YOU ARE CALLING ME A LIAR! I CAN READ; IT SAID £1.67!”

(The supervisor went and fetched the ticket and showed the lady. She screeched, shoved the ice cream across the checkout at me, and stormed out of the door screeching like a pterodactyl. The supervisor and I exchanged “WTF” faces, and carried on with our lives.)

(I work in a hardware shop. Yesterday was a bank holiday. I was working that day, as were the part-timers. A customer sets down his order, but then his phone rings, and he answers it. A new coworker comes and asks me for help finding something. I go and show him. When I come back my customer hangs up.)

Customer: “Sorry about that. It’s Monday morning; what can I say?”

Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

Customer: “Is it really?”

Me: “Yesterday was a bank holiday.”

Customer: “Did you enjoy it?”

Me: “I was here.”

Customer: “Oh. Sorry. The day has already been long.”

Me: “I feel you; it’s like that here today.”

(I process the transaction.)

Customer: “I know it’s Monday, but enjoy the rest of your shift.”

Me: *a little crestfallen* “It’s still Tuesday, but I’ll try.”

(Being both senior staff and full time, I’m on the front of house to watch one of the new guys on tills.)

Customer #1: “I’m looking for a [Brand] toolkit.”

(These kits are £500-£700 apiece, many tend to want one in particular before buying one.)

Me: “Sure, I’ll show you where they are in the catalogue.”

(I go through them and they insist on having two that are in the shop as opposed to ones that we can order in. Previous experience prompts red flags to fly, so I open a till as soon as they get the SKU they want, but another customer asserts that they cut in line so I wind up serving them. My new colleague winds up serving the men I wanted to catch, so I watch.)

New Colleague: “Would you like to register?”

Customer #1: “No.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’ll help you back up those tools for a year.”

Customer #1: “It’s fine. They’re going abroad, anyway.”

(That is a huge red flag for me, because I know that fraudulently obtained goods are often sent abroad, so I watch and sure enough, he’s entering a card number manually while his friend distracts my new colleague.)

Me: *to my customer* “Excuse me a moment, sir.” *to the two men* “I’m sorry, but we must take the PIN number due to the value of your purchase.”

Customer #1: “This card doesn’t have a chip!”

Me: “In that case, you need to use it to purchase online or over the phone. They can do more credit checks than we can. I’m afraid this was a memo handed by head office about six months ago, so my colleague wouldn’t have known about it, but I can’t negotiate on this.”

(The men then walk out.)

Me: *to new colleague* “Cancel the order and serve the next customer, I’ll explain this later.” *to my customer* “I’m sorry; my colleague is new.”

Customer #2: “That’s fine.”

(I quickly serve him and then turn to my new colleague.)

Me: “Just a friendly tip, if someone is entering a number manually into the machine, refuse it and ask for me or a manager if you’re not comfortable, that’s often a sign of attempting fraud and that order was worth £1400.”

New Colleague: “So what do I do now?”

Me: “You stay here; I have to talk to a manager.”

(I found one of our supervisors who took me up with the SKU they attempted to buy. He informed our branch manager and every store in the area!)