(My dad and I are at a movie when we notice that a group of six girls and two boys of about thirteen are having an argument with three other boys of about seventeen. My dad, annoyed that they’re being loud, goes over. Note: he’s six foot three and looks very intimidating.)

Dad: “Is something wrong?”

Girl #1: “They’ve taken our seats!”

Boy #1: “No, they’re ours!”

Girl #2: “We booked the whole middle row so we could sit together. See?”

(She’s clearly on the verge of tears as she shows my dad her ticket.)

Dad: “This says she’s meant to be sitting where you are. Where’s your ticket?”

Boy #1: “Uh… we threw them away.”

Dad: “That’s the best lie you can come up with?”

Boy #2: “Come on; let’s just move.”

(The boys get up as the group of eight thanks my dad. What my dad doesn’t see is that they move over to the three seats next to me, one of which belongs to my dad. I block his seat with my legs before they can sit down.)

Boy #3: “These are our seats.”

Me: “You’re really f****** stupid.”

Boy #1: “Excuse me?”

Me: “F*** off back to your actual seats.”

Boy #2: *sighs* “Come on, then.”

(The group walked to the back to what were probably the worst seats in the cinema. I get why they wanted to move, but trying that bull not once, but twice, was ridiculous.)

(I’m working the graveyard shift: it’s just my colleague, our duty manager, and me. A customer comes to us with a request. Downlights refer to the spotlights that are installed into walls and ceilings.)

Customer: “I was told that you had downlights for the bathroom?”

Colleague: “I’m not sure which ones they would be.”

Me: *coming onto the shop floor to count some stock* “You want any downlight marked as IP65, [Colleague].”

Customer: “Do you have any adjustable ones?”

Me: “No, the moving parts would allow steam in and risk frying the circuits.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll get these ones.” *picks out an adjustable one which is in no way, shape, or form suitable for the bathroom* “And some of these.” *picks some IP65 ones* “If my electrician agrees with you, I’ll bring them back.”

Me: *praying that her electrician isn’t a cowboy* “Sure, as long as they are in saleable condition. Also, we can order more if we’re short, but they’ll arrive in two days because the centre to process the orders is closed.”

Customer: “All right.”

(Two nights later, the same team is closing and we see the woman collecting the downlights we were short on. As we’re closing, my colleague turns to me.)

Colleague: “That woman returned the adjustable downlights while you were in the back, [My Name].”

Me: “Did she say anything?”

Colleague: “She said you were right, and her electrician wouldn’t install them in her bathroom. I couldn’t not laugh at that.”

(This happened a few years back. Two of my teeth had cracked and gone completely rotten and required removal. I was put under anesthetic and had the operation. Just after I woke up…)

Me: *pokes holes in mouth* “What… What? Where’re my teeth?”

Nurse: “You just had an operation to remove them.”

Me: *pokes mouth* “What? No… No, I didn’t. I was shopping… Yeah…”

(A bit of a pause. To check my jaw, she makes me bite a bit of cotton.)

Me: “I want my teeth back, please.”

Nurse: “Don’t worry; we have them in a little packet.”

Me: “No… No! I WANT YOU TO PUT MY TEETH BACK!”

Nurse: “I’m afraid that’s impossible. They’re all broken.”

Me: “PUT THEM BACK!” *sits up, throws the cotton at the wall, and then starts crying for no particular reason* “They were killed too soon!”

Nurse: “Don’t worry; they went out bravely.”

Me: “Yeah… The funeral will be so sad… They were so brave! Rest in shade… No… peas… peace!”

(I look at the nurse.)

Me: “Your eyes… Why are they blue? How does it work? They are very blue. Did anyone ever say your eyes are blue? Why are they blue?”

(I don’t remember any of this, but my dad was there and told me the whole thing once the anesthetic wore off. I felt so mortified!)

(I work in a shop that sells equipment for professional-level cameras, and we mostly deal with filmmaker freelancers and companies. A customer bought a gimbal, which is a piece of tech that stabilises the camera and lets you move without the camera juddering, for his phone. He calls up to say it doesn’t work, and my coworker asks him to come in and have us look at it. Firstly, he used it for five hours and is shocked that it’s out of battery. We wait for it to charge, and explain that it has up to six hours of battery.)

Coworker: “So, what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “When it’s in lock mode, and I turn around, it doesn’t move with me.”

(Lock mode is when it locks into place and you can move the handle around with the camera staying in the same place.)

Coworker: *testing it* “It seems okay; it wasn’t doing this?”

Customer: “Yeah, but you’re not walking. Walk.”

Coworker: *walks over nearer me* “It seems okay now.”

Customer: “No, but you need to turn around. It was when I turned around.”

Coworker: *turns around, so the locked position is pointing towards him* “Yep.”

Customer: “No, look, now you can’t see the screen. It doesn’t turn with you!”

Coworker: “Yes, the lock setting stops it from turning, so you can—“

Customer: *interrupting* “No, I want it to follow me!”

Coworker: “Okay, there’s a follow mode—“

Customer: *interrupting* “No, that moves too much. I want it to follow my movements in lock mode!”

(AI had to leave the room to laugh. According to my coworker, he continued to insist it was broken and that it should “follow” in LOCK mode and move less in FOLLOW mode. Also, there’s a conspiracy that the companies making camera equipment charge more for better quality items and keep bringing out new technology. My coworker spent an hour placating this man, and all over a ~£100 phone gimbal. The other gimbals we sell are for the same cameras used to make blockbuster films and start at ~£1000.)

I have worked over two years for a well-known UK supermarket delivering groceries to customers at home. Over these last two years, I’ve gone from positive and energetic about my job to somewhat sad and jaded. This does not mean I don’t do my best work; it just means that I have lost a lot of enthusiasm for the work itself and the good bits are outweighed by the bad bits now.

But today was a good day. First off, I want to say that if you are getting a grocery delivery, generally, keeping your pets locked away is helpful, since not everyone likes cats and dogs and may even have allergies. But I love cats and dogs, and I don’t have allergies!

My third delivery of the morning came with instructions, “We have dogs and cats; they are friendly.” I greeted the customer, who invited me inside, and the dogs came rushing up past their owner to greet the strange new human in their home. There were tails wagging and lots of excited pants. I greeted the dogs enthusiastically. The customer even invited me to stay for a few minutes to play with the dogs, and the cats, who, after a few minutes, decided to come and see what the fuss was about. In short, I was in fluffy heaven for five awesome minutes.

My run of good lucked followed with a later customer giving me a free latte. Another customer with pets that were happy to see me even gave me a generous tip for my work. Fun fact: the best tippers are always American. So, while I think I’m on the way out of this particular job, today reminded me that there are some really good aspects of my job!