(I am ten years old. My mother sent me into the shop to pick up milk. After getting the milk, I notice that only one till is open. The woman in front of me has one yogurt on the conveyor. I put down a divider and my milk. At no point do I touch the SINGLE yogurt that this woman has on the conveyor.)

Woman: “Excuse me, did you just molest my yogurt?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Woman: “You moved my yogurt!”

Me: “Okay… Sorry. I didn’t but…”

Woman: “It’s not okay! You molested my yogurt!”

Me: “I didn’t. I just want to buy this milk. My mum’s waiting.”

Woman: “You can’t just do that! You can’t just touch other people’s yogurt!”

(Another cashier opened a till, and thankfully I was able to buy my milk and escape unscathed.)

(I’m the assistant manager of a lawyer’s office, and whilst I get everything done, I’m really laid back and insist on being left alone. When the manager quits, his replacement isn’t fully aware of my way of working.)

Manager: “Where is [My Name]?”

Assistant: “Um, I do believe he’s asleep in his office.”

Manager: “ASLEEP?! HE HAS AN IMPORTANT MEETING WITH [VERY IMPORTANT CLIENT] IN FIFTEEN MINUTES!”

Assistant: “Yes, he knows. Don’t worry; everything will be fine.”

Manager: “FINE?! WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT MEETING AND HE’S ASLEEP!”

(The manager blasts into my office.)

Manager: “[My Name]! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

Me: “Under my desk! Go away!”

Manager: “MY OFFICE! TWO MINUTES!”

(I’m in her office in one minute.)

Manager: “WHY WERE YOU ASLEEP? DON’T YOU KNOW WE HAVE A MEETING IN TEN MINUTES?!”

Me: “Yes. Everything’s under control.”

(She spends the next ten minutes quizzing me on the meeting, which makes us late. Then, because she is so concerned about my being asleep and not prepared, she isn’t prepared herself. After the meeting ends:)

Me: “Next time, just worry about yourself and leave me alone.”

(I’m attending my local parent and baby group when a new mum arrives and sits next to me. We’re making polite conversation.)

New Mum: “Any plans for the rest of the week?”

Me: “Vaccinations are tomorrow, so I don’t think we’ll get much more done after that.”

New Mum: “Oh, I don’t believe in vaccinations.”

Me: *thinking, “Here we go,” and waiting for a lecture* “Oh, right.”

New Mum: “But I don’t think less of anyone who gets them. I even understand why you’d get them. I just don’t want to take any risks with autism. Anyway, your baby is lovely. How old is he?”

Me: *surprised that she’s not insane* “She’s a girl actually and she’s four months old.”

New Mum: “But you’ve dressed her in such boyish clothes.”

Me: “I’d say gender-neutral rather than boyish. It’s only jeans and a jumper, basically the same as I’m wearing.”

New Mum: “You shouldn’t dress her like that. She’s going to grow up confused and won’t know if she’s a boy or a girl. It’s really not fair of you to force your beliefs on her.”

(At this point, I realise she is crazy and a hypocrite, so I politely turn to the woman on my other side and start speaking to her, instead. The New Mum starts speaking to someone else and I mostly tune her out until she says this:)

New Mum: “Oh, I don’t give my son any toys. I don’t want him to become emotionally invested in material items.”

(Yep, definitely crazy.)

(I am at the blood bank. There are two clinics running simultaneously: one for regular blood tests and another for pregnancy-related blood, linked with the midwife clinic next door. Regular clinic patients have to abide by the ticket system. The midwife patients do not.)

Phlebotomist: “Ms. [My Name], just come through here, please.”

(I stand up to go through to the chair behind the curtain, only to be pushed out of the way by a middle-aged woman.)

Woman: “I’ve been waiting over an hour for a simple blood test and that girl has only been waiting five minutes. You will take my blood now.”

Phlebotomist: “Ma’am. You need to get out of that chair. I can’t take your blood here. You need to wait until you’re called by someone on the other side.”

Woman: “I’m not moving! I’m number 27! I’m next to be called!”

Phlebotomist: “Fair enough. When’s your due date? Have you fasted for two hours for your prenatal diabetes test?”

Woman: “What are you on about? I’m not here for a diabetes check! I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Well, I am. So get out of that chair!”

Woman: “Well, I never!”

Me: “Lady, this is the midwives’ clinic. You’re in the wrong place!”

Woman: “I’ve been waiting over an hour!”

Phlebotomist: “Well, you’re going to have to wait longer than that. Security is here to take you away. Come back another day, when you’ve calmed down.”

(She was escorted out and I got my blood done. Her number was called as I left the waiting room.)

(I work in an art supply shop. We sell canvas, paints, and the like. Because we are right next to a really prominent art college, we get lots of customers as we are cheaper than their on-campus shop. We have a lot of regulars and tend to know many by name. One regular, a good-looking man, never says a word to me except to ask the occasional question. He has come in every Sunday for almost a year.)

Me: “Did you find everything you needed? We’ve got a special on charcoal at the moment: two packs for £5.”

Regular: “No, that’s all right. I do have a question, though.”

Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

Regular: “Will you go out with me?”

Me: *awkward* “I’m so sorry. I’ve got a boyfriend.”

Regular: “OH, FOR F***’S SAKE!”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Regular: “I’ve been coming to this stupid shop for almost a year, buying all this crap, and you can’t even go on a date with me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have a boyfriend. You have to pay for this stuff, and then you have to leave.”

Regular: “I spent so much money on you! I don’t even do ‘art’! I just wanted to be close to you!”

Me: “…”

Regular: “You owe me! I love you!”

(The man proceeded to jump on top of the expensive canvas he was buying, snapping it in half. He also threw the paints he was buying on the floor. One of them burst. His tantrum got louder until my manager finally escorted him out and told me to take my break. The man never came back.)