Not Too Chicken To Confront Them

, , , , , | Working | April 3, 2018

(I find a Chinese takeout place very near to me that is inexpensive and can deliver very quickly. The second time I order, they give me deep-fried chicken balls that are slightly undercooked. I don’t think they are dangerous, and they taste fine, but they are definitely more pink in the middle than normal. I call them to report it and they give me some free soup. Pretty normal interaction. A couple weeks later, though, there is a repeat incident.)

Me: “Hi, I’m calling about the order you just delivered to [address]. The chicken balls were very undercooked; one was actually raw in the middle.”

Employee: *a very young-sounding girl* “Yes? Hello?”

Me: “This is [Chinese Takeaway], yes? I’m calling about the order to [address]. The chicken balls were undercooked.”

Employee: “You want an order?”

Me: “You just sent an order to [address], correct?”

Employee: “Oh. Yes? Problem? No arrive?”

Me: “It arrived, but the chicken balls were very undercooked.”

Employee: “Uh…”

Me:Undercooked. Raw. The chicken! The chicken was not properly cooked!”

Employee: “Wait. [Indistinct], get boss!”

(Almost a minute of silence passes.)

Employee: “Yes, hello? You cannot make problem. We [indistinct] cook the same and you always have problem.”

Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not trying to make a problem; I’m telling you that you can’t sell raw food, especially chicken!”

Employee: “Our food is fine! You always call with problem!”

(Keep in mind I have only called once before and I didn’t even ask for free food; they just offered it.)

Employee: “We are not giving you anything!”

Me: “I’m not asking for anything! I can put these in my oven to finish cooking! But you cannot give people raw food!”

Employee: *click*

(I call back.)

Employee: *the same girl* “Hello?”

Me: “Yes, it’s me again. I’m not trying to get free food. But I need you to acknowledge that your chicken was raw. You could kill someone.”

Employee: “Stop making problem! If you don’t like how we make, don’t order!”

Me: “You know it’s illegal to sell undercooked chicken, don’t you?”

Employee: “Don’t order here again!” *click*

(I report them to the Food Standards Agency. The best part? Not three days later, I get a phone call.)

Government Worker: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, that’s me.”

Government Worker: “This is [My Name] with the FSA. I’m just calling about your report about [Chinese Takeaway]. Could I ask you a few things?”

Me: “Oh! Of course.”

(She confirms that what I wrote is about the correct place, and asks for the whole story, which I give her.)

Government Worker: “You should know that you’re not the only person to report this place. We’ve already given them a warning in the past, so now we’re probably going to have to inspect them in person. That usually scares them into doing things properly, but I wouldn’t order from them again, in any case, if I were you. I could give you a call to let you know if and when we take action, and the outcome?”

(I assured her that wasn’t necessary. It was just nice to know that when you report bad businesses, sometimes the authorities actually take notice.)

Unfiltered Story #108225

, , | Unfiltered | April 3, 2018

(I am having a truly terrible run of luck, including my partner dumping me, being tested for various illnesses and preliminarily diagnosed with an incurable condition, and my father ending up in hospital. My office mate pretty much knows about all of it. Although we’re friends, we’re both known for mocking each other constantly. I’ve just come back in after a call with my doctor.)

Office Mate: “All good?”

Me: “I have to see an… an… endocrinologist. What does that even mean?”

Office Mate: “You… don’t know why you’re going to see him?”

Me: “It’s something to do with hormones, I think. I guess I’m hormonal.”

(I flop down in my chair.)

Me: “You know how I said August was going to be my month? Yeah, I lied.”

Office Mate: *tentatively* “It’ll get better.”

Me: “Will it, though?”

Office Mate: “Well, I can’t guarantee it.”

Me: “[Office mate]!”

Office Mate: “What? You’d rather I said yes and then something else happened to you?”

Me: “…you’re not good at the sympathy thing, are you?”

Office Mate: “You’d just be weirded out if I was.”

Has No Heart For Others

, , , , , | Healthy | March 30, 2018

(My cousin is sitting in the reception area, waiting for his appointment with the doctor, when a gentleman who is also waiting suddenly has a heart attack. The receptionist screams for help, all the doctors come running, and while they are busy administering CPR, the receptionist calls for an ambulance. The receptionist then prepares to go outside, to guide the paramedics to the right location when they arrive. My cousin, along with all the other patients in the waiting area, keep out of the way to allow the doctors to work on the gentleman… all except one patient, who arrived in the midst of all the chaos, hasn’t registered what is going on — or simply doesn’t care — and is therefore standing at the reception desk, huffing in indignation.)

Patient: “Well, really! Where do you think you’re going? I have an appointment! And I’m in a hurry, so I expect to be seen on time.”

Receptionist: *looks pointedly down at the floor, where the doctors were still administering CPR* “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m afraid all the doctors are a bit busy right now, TRYING TO SAVE THIS GENTLEMAN’S LIFE!”

I Know Where You Can Stuff Those Smudge Sticks

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2018

(Lately there has been a commercial going around for a popular glass cleaning brand. In it, birds use a “smudge stick” to make the glass not clear.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Welcome to [Store]. What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I need one of those smudge-stick thingies as a Halloween decoration. I want to put fake hand prints on my windows.”

Me: “I’m guessing you saw that in a commercial.”

Customer: “Yes, I did! Now where would they be?”

Me: “Actually, that commercial is advertising [Popular Glass Cleaner], ma’am. Smudge sticks aren’t a thing. May I suggest just placing your hand on the window repeatedly?”

Customer: “No, no, no! That makes no f****** sense! If they wanted to clean the window, why would they smudge it?! Your lazy a*** just doesn’t want to help me!”

(She then proceeds to slam her shopping trolley into me, clearly enraged.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “NO! I have done nothing to deserve being kicked out. Now, take your lazy a*** OVER TO THE SMUDGE STICKS!”

(The security guards near the entrance heard the commotion and escorted her out. She is now banned from our store, and I haven’t heard from her since.)

This Tale Is Not A Fabrication

, , , | Right | March 26, 2018

(A man comes in, somewhat agitated, asking for an immense amount of royal blue fabric.)

Owner: “Well, the cheapest fabrics we have are over here.”

Customer: “No, those aren’t right. I need a really deep, royal blue.”

Owner: “Well, there’s this one.” *points to a nice but somewhat expensive fabric*

Customer: “Great, I’ll take it! Fifty meters, please.”

Owner: “But I’ve not told you how much it costs yet!”

Customer: “As long as it’s in stock, I don’t care.”

Owner: “But what if I said it was twenty-five pounds per meter?”

Customer: “All right.” *gets out credit card*

Owner: “Well, we’re Brick Lane, not Park Lane, so we don’t have fancy prices. Don’t worry; it’s eight pounds per meter.”

(The customer then pays, and as his fabric is being brought out the owner says:)

Owner: “Would you really have paid twenty-five pounds per meter? That’s around thirteen thousand pounds!”

Customer: “Yep, it is.”

Owner: “You must be very rich!”

Customer: “Well, no, I’m not rich, but just around the corner I’ve got a film crew, and they’ve all got their salaries, and my delivery of background fabric didn’t show up, so I’d have spent more than that in paying them through the delay.”

(By this time the fabric is ready, and the customer takes it and leaves. As he does:)

Owner: “Well, fair enough! Good luck with the filming!”

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