(I am in the lobby of a well-known hotel when I overhear the manager talking on the phone to a customer. It has been a pretty hot day.)

Manager: “Hello, sir, what can I do for you?”

Manager: “Yes, sir, the air cons are not working currently. I’m very sorry for any inconvenience.”

Manager: “No, sir, I cannot upgrade you as we are fully booked.”

Manager: “Could you maybe open the window to let a bit of air in?”

Manager: “Yes, the window is the large rectangular thing in the wall that lets light in.”

Manager: “Please do not swear at me, sir.”

Manager: “F*** you, too, b****!” *to me* “How can I help you today, sir?”

(I left promptly and found another hotel with much nicer staff. To this day I’m still not sure whether I’m more shocked that a customer did not know what a window is or the fact that the manager was so unprofessional.)

(I’m on a train that will take me to Central London. Close to me, there is a woman with a child, perhaps two or three years old. The kid starts singing.)

Mum: “[Kid], quiet.”

Kid: *keeps singing* “Naa na na, la la la…”

Mum: “[Kid]…”

Kid: *sings louder* “La la laaaa, na na naaaa…”

Mum: “[Kid], are you singing?”

Kid: “Yes, Mommy.”

Mum: *compassionate* “And what did I tell you about your singing?”

Kid: “That it’s s***, Mummy.”

I work in an insurance office where we handle mostly commercial lines, but occasionally offer personal lines for high net worth clients. We have just sent a marketing email to a large number of business.

Caller: Hi, I wanted to know if you could quote on my home insurance.
Me: Certainly. I’ll need to take a few details so I can take them over the phone or send out a form for you to complete. Which would you prefer?
Caller: I don’t want to fill in any forms.
Me: Okay. That’s fine. I can take some details now. Can I start by taking your name.
Caller: *gives name*
Me: And your email address
Caller: You should have that. You already sent me an email.
Me: Okay. I’ll have a look through our mailing list later to get that.
*I go through other setails, like phone number and address*
Me: Great, thanks. Do you know the rebuild value of the property?
Caller: Why do you need that?
Me: Well, so the underwriter knows the level of risk they’re taking on.
Caller: I don’t want to give that to you.
Me: well, I can’t quote without all the info.
Caller: Okay. I’ll call back if I want a quote.

I don’t understand how he thought I could quote without knowing anything about his property.

When I am with friends on a city trip in London, I happen to come across a store of my favorite brand of clothing and I decide to check if they have a jacket I want but isn’t available in my size in the stores back at home.

Me: 
“Okay, I went through the entire store, but no luck. They don’t have it.”

Friend #1:
“Oh, just show the picture of the jacket to one of the salespeople and they can check in the back.”

Me:
“Look, I worked in retail. There is no ‘in the back’ in these stores; if they had the jacket, they would just put it out on the floor. Why keep clothes hidden where no one can buy them?”

Friend #2:
“Just go and ask; they are bound to have it in the back.”

Me:
“Look, if it makes you happy, I will ask, but trust me, the store won’t have it in the back, even if they have a back room to begin with.”

I approach one of the salespeople.

Me:
“Hey, I know it is a long shot, and I don’t want to be that customer asking about the mythical back room, but would you happen to have this jacket somewhere?”

I show her the picture from their online store.

Employee:
“Oh, yes, it’s in the back! I’ll just get the key.”

The sales lady returns with a key and opens a door hidden behind a mirror which opens up to a room the size of the store filled with clothes not on the sales floor.

Friend #1:
“Oh, I must be hallucinating! I am seeing a room that does not exist”

Me:
“Oh, shut up. Now, does this jacket look good on me?”

(It’s early evening and my manager and I are on the till while two male colleagues are in the warehouse. The store I work for has you pick items out of a catalogue)
Customer: Do you have one of these in stock?
Me: *after checking* Sorry, no, it’s worth noting that a number of [brand] tools are order for next day collection so please look out for [marker] in our catalogue.
(The customer comes back with another code for a high value item)
Me: OK, since this is a high value item from a big brand, I would recommend registering it for warranty, it just backs up your receipt in case you lose it and on top of the 30 days we offer [brand] offers a complementary collect and repair service for a year.
(He eventually does sign up and the process goes as normal, but during the payment his friend starts to ask me questions about what I said, the chip and pin machine beeping way too often raises a red flag.)
Me: Hold on!
(The ‘customer’ has already input a number and an expiry date and taken the card. I immediately decline it.)
Customer: Sorry, I entered the wrong PIN too many times.
Me: I’m sorry sir, but you need the PIN to buy this item by card.
Customer: But you have a signing section on your slip!
Me: Yes, but due to incidents in other branches I am not allowed to. I’ve declined the transaction but I’m happy to try again.
Customer: I want to make sure you didn’t charge me regardless.
Me: I assure you I haven’t, but there’s a petrol station across the road. They have a cash machine.
(The two leave)
Manager: Well done, give me the details you took down for me.
(I do so, and he went to check CCTV, turned out the customer was using his friend to distract me while he entered a manual card number he had on his phone, which is a form of payment fraud! Needless to say, the instant we realised it every store in our district was tipped off.)