Think Before One Flaps One’s Gums

, , , , , | Working | October 24, 2017

(My family and I are on vacation in London. We go to the Great British Beer Festival that happens in August. There’s a little vendor there selling my favorite British candy, wine gums, which I can’t easily buy in the US. I’m fairly certain I have a pretty obvious US accent, having lived there my entire life.)

Me: “I’m so glad I found these here! It’s our last day in London, and I haven’t had any wine gums the whole time!”

Vendor: “You know, we deliver candies all over!”

Me: “All over, really?”

Vendor: “Yeah! We can go anywhere!”

Me: “To the States?”

Vendor: *dejected* “Oh, yeah, I guess not anywhere. I meant within the UK.”

(I was sad, too. I really wanted those wine gums delivered to me!)

Unfiltered Story #97936

, | Unfiltered | October 22, 2017

(Since we are oriented towards tradesmen, we have an account system to back up receipts, so we often address the customers by name if they are)
Me: Ok [name] your total is [three-figure total].
Customer: OK, I’ll pay in cash.
(He gives me one different note, the rest are the new £5, which are plastic and do not work with the tester pens)
Me: Bear with me.
(I take the fives and go to a UV light to run them all under it)
Customer: It’s fine.
(I get a colleague to double count the money as per policy when we’re done, I start checking the tills and start splitting the extra fivers with the other tills)
Customer: *jokingly* You’re going to town with my fives aren’t you?
Me: *chuckles* Thanks for keeping our change flowing, I don’t think we’ll be ordering any this week.

The Pen Is Mightier Than Your Word

, , , , , , | Working | October 18, 2017

(I work for a supermarket as a delivery driver. My job requires me to do some paperwork and I often find myself needing pens. One morning I decide to purchase some from the store I’m based out of before I begin my shift, and I pick up some breakfast while I’m doing this. To get from the aisle with my breakfast items to the pens I walk past the front of store security officer who is well-known for his dislike of delivery drivers, for reasons I don’t know.)

Security Officer: “Excuse me, you can’t take items you purchased through to the staff room from the back; you have to go around the outside.”

(This is a store policy to prevent staff taking items from the shelves and consuming them without paying for them.)

Me: “Yup, I know, but I’m going to get some pens.”

Security Officer: “You cannot take items through the store; you must go around the outside.”

Me: “Yes. I know. I haven’t even paid for this yet. I want to go and get some pens.”

Security Officer: “If you attempt to go further I will have to detain you and inform your manager.”

Me: “Fine, I tell you what; hold my breakfast while I go and get pens.” *I hand him my breakfast and start to walk away.*

Security Officer: “It is not my job to return the items you are attempting to steal; please do so yourself and in future, control yourself!”

(I ignored him, walked over to the aisle containing pens, and picked up a pack. I walked back over, took my breakfast from him, and joined the line to pay for my purchases and proceeded to go about my work day. It turns out he decided to report my “attempted theft” to my manager, but my manager is well aware of his grudge against delivery drivers and ignored him. Some days later my manager informed me I had been reported for “gross misconduct” to the store manager. Since the CCTV footage showed me walking through the store, getting my breakfast, attempting to get pens, and nothing else, it was concluded by the store manager that I was probably just getting pens.)

Trying To Fulfill Your Delivery Period

, , , , , , | Working | October 17, 2017

(I work as a delivery driver for a well-known supermarket. I’m 25 and male but quite familiar with the concept of a woman’s period and tampons. I’m training a new driver, and our current customer appears to have placed an “emergency order,” since their shopping only contains a box of tampons, some tea bags, and some chocolate. I look to my trainee and say:)

Me: “Okay, this next customer has a small order, but my advice is be patient. If she doesn’t answer the door right away, give it a few. She probably won’t want to be wound up.”

Trainee: “Why, is she a b****? Have you delivered before?”

Me: “Umm, no. Just look at the receipt, mate; it’s quite obvious what’s going on here.”

(The trainee looks at the receipt long and hard, but it doesn’t appear to sink in. Eventually I take pity on him.)

Me: “She might be on her period; she’s bought tampons, chocolate, and tea.”

Trainee:What!? I ain’t going near that! It’s disgusting!”

(He refused to even leave the van to make the delivery and generally acted like I might have caught some kind of taint just by being around a woman who may or may not have been on her period.)

Will Make You Want A Drink In The End

, , , , , , | Working | October 16, 2017

Me: “Hello. Could I have a [chicken burger] please? Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Would you like cheese?”

Me: “No, thanks. Just the plain burger.”

Cashier: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “No drink. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “You choose the drink from the machine there.”

Me: “I just want the burger.”

Cashier: “So, you want a bottle?”

Me: “No. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Okay. That’s £6.30 please.”

Me: “The board says it’s £4.50.”

Cashier: “That’s for the burger on its own.”

Me: “That’s what I want. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Just the burger?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Do you want chips?”

Me: “No. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Do you want a drink?”

Me: “Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Just the burger?”

Me: “Just the burger.”

Cashier: “That’s £4.50, then.”

Me: “Thank you very much.”

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