The Key Is To Check The Key

, , , | Working | January 16, 2019

Many years ago I was working at a city-owned community recreation center. As I was often the first one to enter the building each morning, I had a key to the front entrance and the access code to call to have the alarm disabled. One day I unlocked the door, called the alarm company, and then started to put my keys away, only to realize I’d just let myself in with my own house key!

My next call was to the city maintenance department to report what had happened. The locksmith they sent told us that the tumblers in the lock were so worn that any key of the same make would have unlocked that door, and it was a good thing an authorized employee had been the one who discovered it rather than someone with no reason to be entering the building!

A Reversal Of Fortune

, , , , , | Right | January 24, 2018

(I’m a female on-call locksmith. It is 3:00 am, in -16-degree weather. I go to the car that the person has been locked out of. I make them sign the paperwork, and I pop the lock in under five minutes.)

Customer: “Wait! Why should I pay $150 for something that only took you two seconds?!”

Me: “Because you couldn’t do it yourself.”

Customer: “You b****! I’m not paying this! I’m going to dispute the charges!”

Me: “Well, in that case…”

(I take the keys and throw them back into the car, lock the door, and slam it shut.)

Me: “Have a good night.”

Customer: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “You just said you were going to reverse the charges, so I’m reversing the job.”

(I got chewed out so hard for that, but it was worth it.)

1 Thumbs
2,247
VOTES

Needs A Key To The Real World

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | April 23, 2016

Customer: “I need you to make a copy of my car key. It barely works at all and I need a new one that works perfectly.”

Me: “You do know that we make a copy of your key? The new key will work just as well or poorly as the key you give to me.”

Customer: “No, it will be a new key so it will work just as well as my key did when it was new.”

Me: “That would be true if you were bringing in your key when it was new. However I can see that your key now is very worn and we copy what you give us.”

Customer: “No, I want it made better. Is that so hard?”

Me: “Okay, let’s assume that instead of a key you were copying a document that had several misspelled words on a copier. Do you think that the copier would correct the spelling of the words on your new copies?”

Customer: “Well, it should!”

Me: “Here we learn the difference between ‘Should’ and ‘Reality.’ And I am sorry to say that reality is all we have here. So I am going to have to turn you down for making you a key.”

In A Tsary State

| Queens, NY, USA | Right | September 30, 2010

(Two women come into my grandpa’s locksmith shop and are saying really obnoxious things in Russian.)

Woman 1: “Careful, I think he may speak Russian.”

Woman 2: “That oaf? No way.”

Woman 1: “Maybe he does.”

Woman 2: “He doesn’t.”

Grandpa: *in Russian* “He does.”

1 Thumbs
6,628
VOTES

For Federal Crimes, He Is Your Key Man

| Nevada, USA | Right | March 3, 2010

(I have been called to change the lock on a mailbox.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll change it. Which one is it?”

Customer: “Fourteen.”

Me: “Okay. Well, there are four mailboxes here, and they all have a 14 on them. Which box is it?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Can you just open them all?”

Me: “That would be a Federal crime. None of your lease information has a box number?”

Customer: “Really, if you open them all, I promise I’ll put the other people’s mail back. Pretty please?”

1 Thumbs
1,940
VOTES