The Lannisters Always Pay Their Student Debts

, , , , , | | Working | June 25, 2019

(The spousal consolidation student loan I have with my wife has been sold to a new student loan company, as happens often with loans. I get the paperwork and immediately notice a mistake. Someone has swapped my father’s name for my wife’s name and listed him as cosigner. We all share the same last name, which is being used by both of us at every point in this conversation.)

Representative: “Hello, this is [Representative]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I noticed that, at some point when my student loan was transferred to your company, someone seems to have mistaken my father’s name, John [Same Last Name] for my spouse’s name, Mary [Same Last Name]. So, you are listing my father as my spouse and cosigner for this loan. As this is a spousal consolidation student loan, only my wife has ever been a cosigner this loan, and every other loan for that matter, so this is an error on your part.”

Representative: “So, what is your father’s name?”

Me: “John [Same Last Name].”

Representative: “No, I need your father’s name, not your spouse’s name.”

Me: “That is my father’s name. I am married to Mary [Same Last Name]. My father is John. That is the problem.”

Representative: “Okay, you’re not married to John?”

Me: “No, that is my father.”

Representative: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Are you divorced from John?”

Me: “No, again, that is my father. I am married to Mary.”

Representative: *with great confusion in her voice* “So, you’re married to both John… and Mary?” *insinuating a polygamist marriage*

(I’m getting frustrated, so I start to talk slowly and deliberately.)

Me: “No… again… John is my father. At no point have I ever been married to my own father. For the entire length of this loan, I have only been married to one person: Mary.”

Representative: “Okay, I think I understand now. However, in order to change your spouse’s name, I need documentation that you have never been married to John and only married to Mary.”

(I pause for a second while trying to figure out how in the world to do this.)

Me: “So, what kind of documentation do I need to send you to prove that I have never been part of a legally recognized incestuous homosexual polygamist marriage?”

(Long pause…)

Representative: “I’m not sure; I will have to call you back after I speak to the manager in the special issues department. Can I call you later today at [my phone number]?”

(After two months and numerous calls, I finally convinced them that I was not married to my own father and wife at the same time. It’s scary that I owe these people money.)

A Notable Lack Of Note Noting

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(I work in a loan office. My guests are generally very easy going, but occasionally they have fits like this one. Also, while requiring an ID for every loan has been a policy at my company for a while, I am the new manager and apparently the first one to adhere to this policy.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Guest: “I need to pay off my loan and renew it.”

Me: “No problem. It’ll be $565.56 to pay off, and I’ll need a check and your ID.”

(The guest pays their loan and signs their check, and I begin to fill out the information on it — a service we offer because it’s 2018 and no one really knows how to fill out checks anymore.)

Me: “Awesome, [Guest], and I’ll need your ID, as well.”

Guest: “You need my ID? When did that start? I’m in here all the time and I’m never late. I’ve been coming here for 20 years!”

(He continues about how it’s all but unconstitutional that I ask him for his ID when I’m about to give him $500 and ask him to sign a contract.)

Me: “Sir, have you ever seen me before? Do you know me?”

Guest: “No?”

Me: “And I don’t know you. Besides that, it’s our policy to scan an ID when we issue a loan, every time. It’s been the policy for a while; everyone else should have been asking you, as well.”

Guest: *finally providing ID* “Fine, but why don’t you take ID for payments, as well?”

Me: “A lot of people send in relatives or friends to pay their bills because they’re at work; it would be silly to not let a guest’s husband pay their bill if the guest were at work.”

Guest: “That’s ridiculous. I would never ask anyone to come to pay my bill for me! I’m not even married!”

Me: *ignoring him and trying to process the loan*

Guest: “Don’t let anyone pay my bill!”

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll put a note in your account saying we need ID for every transaction.”

Guest: “Yeah, put a note in my account!”

(Two weeks later:)

Guest: “I need to pay off my loan and renew it.”

(He places the money on the counter, but I don’t make a grab for it.)

Me: “Awesome. I will need your ID, please!”

Guest: “What? I thought you only needed my ID for new loans!” *cue almost verbatim the same rant*

Me: *cutting him off* “Yes, sir, but I have a note in your account, per our last discussion, that you don’t want anyone else paying on your account and you’d like us to ask for ID for every payment!”

Guest: “Oh… That’s stupid; take that out.”

(I laughed after he left; from insanity or hysteria, I don’t really know.)

Loan Me A Bone Here

, , , , , , , | Working | February 13, 2018

(I have gone online to set up a payment plan for my student loans, only to find out they want a minimum payment of $400 a month. Since this is well out of my price range, I decide to call them directly.)

Me: “Yeah, I went online to set up the payment plan, but $400 a month isn’t going to work for me. We are a single-income family, with two children. Is there any way I can pay less?”

Customer Service: “I completely understand. Let me see what I can do for you.”

(They put me on hold for a couple of minutes.)

Customer Service: “Okay, here’s what we can do. If you can send us a one-time payment for $20,000, we’ll consider your entire balance paid off.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

(He ended up giving me the phone number of a different department where they could work with me regarding my payment. But I just couldn’t figure out the logic of, “She can’t afford $400 a month, so obviously she must be able to pay us $20,000.”)

They’re Incoming

| TX, USA | Right | December 10, 2016

(10:00 am:)

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to get a loan.”

(I explain qualifications.)

Me: “Would you like to apply by phone?”

Caller: “No, no, I’ll come in. I’m coming from [Nearby Town.] May I have directions?”

Me: “Okay, sir, but keep in mind, it takes about an hour to apply and get approved and about 20 minutes to do the loan. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to apply by phone? That way you will know before you drive the hour to get here?”

Caller: “No, I want to come in.”

Me: “Okay, we close for lunch from three to four so to come in to get the loan, you need to be here by 1:30 pm or after four pm.”

Caller: *hangs up without a word*

(2:45 pm.)

Caller: “I talked to you earlier! I’m stuck behind a train. Can you wait for me?”

Me: “Sir, as I said before, what we need to do is about an hour and 20 minutes of work. We close in 15 minutes for lunch. There is nothing I can do until after four pm. You don’t have time.”

Caller: “No, you said as long as I’m there by three!”

Me: “NO, I told you by 1:30 because we close the office at three for lunch.”

Caller: “I’ll be there in five minutes.” *hangs up*

(As I knew he would, he arrives just as I am locking the door.)

Customer: “I made it by three. You have to help me!”

Me: “Sir, you are going to have to wait until four pm. The office is now closed.”

Customer: “But I have to book this cruise!”

Me: “I will help you after four pm.”

(I leave for lunch. Four pm, I come back and he is still there, right outside the office.)

Customer: “NOW can you help me?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Customer: “But I don’t have any income. Is that going to be a problem?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Has Zero Understanding Of Zero

| USA | Working | July 15, 2016

(My sister uses an installment plan to pay her tuition. Her budget changed mid-year and she ended up being able to pay off the year in eight payments instead of ten, but at the end of the tenth month we get a notification saying her account was cancelled and we have £80 in service fees. I call them to get this figured out.)

Agent: “The 80 dollars are late fees. They’re 40 dollars each for each month. We cancelled her account because she was late two months in a row. She won’t be able to sign up again with us for this year, so she’ll have to make those payments in full directly to the school and if she doesn’t pay that 80, she can’t sign up again next year.”

Me: “The reason why she didn’t pay February and March is because the balances for those two months are zero. I have her account open right in front of me and I can confirm it still says zero.”

Agent: “Yes, she didn’t pay that amount. She needed to make a payment, but she didn’t.”

Me: “She owed ZERO DOLLARS. That’s why she didn’t pay anything.”

Agent: “Yes. She didn’t pay anything for those two months, so she owes us the late fees and her account was cancelled.”

Me: “She didn’t pay anything those two months because she owed you guys nothing!”

Agent: “Excuse me?”

Me: “I gave you her account number so you must have it pulled up, right? Can you tell me what she owed for February?”

Agent: “Zero dollars.”

Me: “How about March?”

Agent: “Zero dollars again.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s why she didn’t pay. Because she didn’t owe anything. She paid everything off by January.”

Agent: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. She didn’t pay us. I can’t get rid of these fees or reinstate her account.”

Me: *baffled* “Can I talk to someone higher up instead?”

Agent: “Sure, but nothing’s going to change.”

(I got connected to a supervisor who I explained the situation to again. When I gave her my sister’s account number, the supervisor understood right away, took care of the problem, but was confused why her employee couldn’t understand what was wrong.)

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