They’re Incoming

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Time

(10:00 am:)

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to get a loan.”

(I explain qualifications.)

Me: “Would you like to apply by phone?”

Caller: “No, no, I’ll come in. I’m coming from [Nearby Town.] May I have directions?”

Me: “Okay, sir, but keep in mind, it takes about an hour to apply and get approved and about 20 minutes to do the loan. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to apply by phone? That way you will know before you drive the hour to get here?”

Caller: “No, I want to come in.”

Me: “Okay, we close for lunch from three to four so to come in to get the loan, you need to be here by 1:30 pm or after four pm.”

Caller: *hangs up without a word*

(2:45 pm.)

Caller: “I talked to you earlier! I’m stuck behind a train. Can you wait for me?”

Me: “Sir, as I said before, what we need to do is about an hour and 20 minutes of work. We close in 15 minutes for lunch. There is nothing I can do until after four pm. You don’t have time.”

Caller: “No, you said as long as I’m there by three!”

Me: “NO, I told you by 1:30 because we close the office at three for lunch.”

Caller: “I’ll be there in five minutes.” *hangs up*

(As I knew he would, he arrives just as I am locking the door.)

Customer: “I made it by three. You have to help me!”

Me: “Sir, you are going to have to wait until four pm. The office is now closed.”

Customer: “But I have to book this cruise!”

Me: “I will help you after four pm.”

(I leave for lunch. Four pm, I come back and he is still there, right outside the office.)

Customer: “NOW can you help me?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Customer: “But I don’t have any income. Is that going to be a problem?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Inex-spews-able Behavior

| TX, USA | Health & Body

(A woman comes in and appears clean and normal. She hands my coworker a plastic bag.)

Customer: “Could you be a dear and throw this away? I hate having trash in my car.”

Coworker: “Sure…”

(As my coworker takes the bag, which isn’t sealed, stuff leaks all over her desk. She leans down to examine it, and it is vomit.)

Customer: “That is disgusting! You spilled my vomit all over your desk. I should have your boss fire you for making me feel sick all over again!” *storms off*

Urine Her Way

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(A customer comes in and so far has been acting completely normal.) 

Customer: “May I use your restroom?”

Me: *gesturing to the sign right behind me* “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a public restroom.”

(Suddenly the customer grabs her crotch like a child, and starts hopping up and down. She tries to take off running to the gas station across the street, and I shout after her that they don’t have a public restroom either. I see her run out of the gas station, squat down next to the air pump, and begin peeing. She then returns to my store.)

Customer: *sighs with relief* “When you have to go, you have to go.” *winks at me and walks out*

Letting Loose

, | Texas, USA | Health & Body

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Not too good. My bowel movements are very loose.”

Me: *speechless*