Mmm… Meat Slushies

, , , , , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(I work in a kitchen store which sells mostly gadgets, but we do have several appliances and cookware sets. The store is very busy, and it’s just the assistant manager and me working. I am up front, checking out customers, while she is off helping someone. My line clears up and I decide to walk around the store to see if anyone else needs help. As I am walking, I hear my assistant manager talking with some customers who obviously know very little English. They are looking at a very pricy blender.)

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, you cannot use this to chop up meat. None of the blenders here will chop up meat.”

(I am very confused to hear this, as I have never heard of a blender being used to chop meat. We do, however, carry things meant to do so, which the assistant manager is trying to show the customers, a daughter and a mother. I listen for another minute, then notice my line starting to build up again so I rush off to help. Soon after, the assistant manager comes up, flustered.)

Me: “Are you okay?”

Assistant Manager: “They want to chop meat with a blender. I keep trying to tell them they can’t. I’ve shown them everything we have to chop meat, but they want none of it!”

(We switch spots, so she is now checking people out and I am walking the floor. I see the customers she was talking to. They have opened the box of the blender up in the middle of the floor to look at it, despite it being on display right in front of them. They notice me and flag me over. Again, it is very obvious that they know almost no English.)

Customer: “We get new box?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “This opened. We get new box?”

(This really irritates me, as they are the reason the box is opened and now looks horrid.)

Me: “Let me go see if we have another.”

(I go into the back room, wait about a minute, and go back on the floor.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t have any more of those blenders. If you wish to buy one, you will have to buy the one you have opened.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(I take the box up to the front for them to fix it while they browse some more.)

Me: *to my assistant manager* “If they ask for a new box, tell them we don’t have one. *wink*

(After a moment, she catches on. I turn to the other register to help another customer, when the women buying the blender walks up to my assistant manager’s register to pay.)

Assistant Manager: “All right, if you buy this, and chop meat with it, and decide you don’t like it, you can not return it, because that is not what it is supposed to be used for.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Assistant Manager: “Got it? Chop meat, can’t be returned.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(They pay and leave.)

Assistant Manager: “They are gonna chop meat in that, aren’t they?”

Me: “Yep.”

(A few weeks later, we notice the type of blender they bought in the return pile. The store manager was in that day.)

Assistant Manager: *to manager* “Hey, who returned this?”

Manager: “Some foreign people; I think it was a mom and a daughter.”

(The assistant manager and I look at each other.)

Me: “Open it up and smell everything.”

(We open the box and smell every cup, with no meat smell until…)

Assistant Manager: “OH, MY GOD!* *gags*

Manager: “What?”

Assistant Manager: “Smell the blades!”

(The manager and I smelled the blades, and of course, it smelled like raw meat. We now inform every person who works there about situations like this to prevent it from happening again.)

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Shut Up And Take My Money!

, , , , , , | Working | February 16, 2019

(My family is using a company for our cell phones, who in turn use a national carrier to actually provide the cell service. For a number of reasons — of their doing — we decide to close our account and change companies. We receive a last bill demanding “immediate payment,” which only offers the ability to pay online, in person at a store, or by calling a listed phone number — no mailing address. I attempt to pay online, but am not able to, as I don’t have an “active phone.” I decide to pay in person. This is the sequence of events, as I attempt to PAY my last bill. At the store:)

Me: “I need to pay our bill. We no longer have an active phone with you, so I couldn’t pay online.”

Customer Service Person #1: *looks up my information* “I’m sorry, but we cannot take your money. We no longer handle bills for [National Carrier] you were using. You can only pay by phone.”

(I go home and call the phone number on the bill.)

Me: “I need to pay our last bill. We don’t have an active phone, so I couldn’t pay online, and the person at [Store] said they no longer collect bills for [National Carrier].”

(I give him the account and the disconnected phone number.)

Customer Service Person #2: *collects my information from me* “I’m sorry, but we cannot take your money. We also no longer handle bills for [National Carrier], either. You have to call your old carrier.”

Me: “I have only ever used you to pay my bill. This is the only phone number on my bill, and I don’t have a [National Carrier] number. I have no one else to call, and I just need to pay my last bill.”

Customer Service Person #2: “Let put you on hold, so I can talk to my supervisor.”

(He disconnects me instead. I call back, and explain the entire story again.)

Customer Service Person #3: *recollects my information* “Let me put you on hold, so I can figure out what to do.”

(Five to ten minutes go by.)

Customer Service Person #3: “Unfortunately, you will have to call [National Carrier] to pay this bill, as we cannot take your money for [National Carrier].”

(However, this time she gives me a number to call which is not on the bill. I call the new number, which uses the exact same menu navigation, making me think it’s the same place. I explain the entire story again, and include the account and disconnected phone numbers.)

Customer Service Person #4: *collects my information from me* “I’m sorry, but I cannot take your money without an active phone. Once we suspend your phone for non-payment, you have to pay in person at [Store].”

Me: “Listen. It wasn’t suspended for non-payment. I cancelled my account with you, and this is my last bill with you. As I told you, the store already told me they couldn’t take my money, and that I could only pay over the phone. All I want to do is pay you what I owe you. Why can’t I pay you if I have the account number and old phone number, and you have access to my account?”

Customer Service Person #4: “Okay, let me put you on with my supervisor.”

(I’m transferred to the supervisor and explain the entire story yet again, with all the account information.)

Supervisor: *she collects my account information again* “I’m sorry, but I cannot take your money without an active phone attached to the account.”

Me: *explains to her entire story for a second time* “I don’t understand why this isn’t enough information to give you the money that I owe you, since [Store] can’t take my money in person.”

Supervisor: “Okay, let me see what I can do.”

(After a few minutes, she comes back on and asks me several new questions. Then she takes my credit card information.)

Supervisor: “Now, then, I must warn you that there is an additional fee, since you paid by phone, instead of paying online or in person.”

(I have had enough!)

Me:This is ridiculous! I will not pay a fee as if it is some kind of privilege to pay you! You wouldn’t allow me to make my payment online or in person, and are forcing me to pay you by phone! Listen. You have two options: take my money right now for only for the bill total, or I am going to hang up on you and never pay this bill. What can you do? Cut off my already deactivated phone? I cannot believe that you all have refused to take my money.

(She agreed to waive the fee and took only the bill amount. Who knew that trying to actually give someone money would be so hard?!)

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Your Job Provides Some Killer Stories

, , , , | Legal | November 30, 2018

I had a customer call and ask for pricing to make a key for a motorcycle. He brought it in an hour or two later and dropped it off. A lot of locksmiths just simply don’t deal with motorcycles because of the hassle, and we were one of maybe two companies that did within at least a 30-mile radius.

I was usually the guy that got to do these, because I was pretty quick at it. I made a key for the bike, called the guy, and he came and got it.

That night on the news, there was a story about a local Craigslist sale where a guy met another guy to make a sale and got murdered… for a motorcycle. The pics they showed on the news looked exactly like the one I had made a key for.

I called the police when I got to work the next morning and told them about it, and gave them the name and number that the guy had given me when he dropped it off.

So, the guy not only took a stolen bike that was taken in a murder to a local shop, it turned out that he ended up calling the police and talking about buying the bike. Perhaps it was initially to try and cast suspicion away from himself, but he ended up confessing to it.

I just found out today that I won’t be testifying at his trial because he just plead out to 60 years in prison, and therefore won’t be having a trial.

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Calling Is Not Their Calling

, , , , , | Right | August 20, 2018

(I answer the phone.)

Me: “Marketing department. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

(The caller doesn’t speak, but I can hear noise in the background.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name].”

(I can still hear background noise.)

Me: “Hello? Anyone there?”

Caller: “Oh, yeah, I just wasn’t ready to talk yet.”

Me: *thinking* “Then why did you call?”

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Unfiltered Story #108608

, , | Unfiltered | April 7, 2018

(My friend has come to visit me. She is currently trying to get her life together, and I’m spotting her breakfast at a twenty-four hour restaurant. We pull up and park, and get out of the car, and a group of people come out the door, screaming and yelling. A waitress and the chef are telling them that they have to go now and they are loudly disputing it. Nothing much is clear, but I can hear the waitress repeatedly tell them that they can ‘just go on home’. Once they take off, we head inside.)

Me: “Sounds like you’ve had a bit of trouble tonight.”

Waitress #1: “Yeah, they were being rowdy.”

Me: “I can’t understand why people behave that way.”

Waitress #2: “Alcohol and testosterone, hon.”

Me: “Man, if that was half as crazy as it looked when we pulled up, you should go to this website. It’s called”

Waitress #1: “Yeah, that’d be really funny. Maybe I will.”

(The waitresses go back to their work and Waitress #2 serves us. She keeps saying ‘alcohol and testosterone’. We talk about it for a bit, and eventually I comment:)

Me: “Yeah, that’ll usually do it.”

(Nothing much more happens, but at the end of the meal, when I pay, I tip them more than 10% of my bill. They deserve it, especially since I learn as we’re walking out that the bad customers didn’t pay their whole tab. Those ladies were so nice to me and my friend, and efficient too! Thank you, ladies! I hope that they don’t cause you any more problems!)