Not Always Legal: 25 Stories Of Customers Against The Law!

| Right | September 2, 2016

Rounded up for your reading pleasure: 25 stories of criminally-incompetent customers, picked from our archives.

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10 Reasons Why Prom Sucks

| Learning | August 8, 2016

The prom. No two words in the High School lexicon conjure up more fear, more trepidation, more anxiety. More than finals, more than report cards, and certainly more than graduating. But when you stop and think about it, prom actually kinda sucks. And here’s why:

#1. The prom dress.

It’s the ultimate case of “keeping up with the Joneses.” While you’ve probably experienced an unfair amount of competition throughout your high-school career to be ‘on trend’ with the latest fashion, brands, music, and what-not, this will all count for nothing if you end up in a prom dress that’s not up to the standard of the self-appointed cool-kid elite. Home-made dresses are a no-no, almost as bad as a cheap dress or something (God forbid!) last season. Not that seasons matter for these types of dresses as you’re only ever going to wear it once, yet another reason to hate the whole experience.
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Ten Ways To Make Your Barista Hate You

| Right | July 19, 2016

Most of us need that hot cup of joe in the morning. That morning jolt of high-octane wakey juice; that cupped lightning, jitter juice, dirt, mud, bean, whatever you want to call it; sometimes you just… need… some coffee. But how often do you spare a thought for those poor souls condemned to brewing your steaming mug of java in the morning. Here are ten ways to make your barista hate you. Don’t be that person:

 

#1: Complicated drink orders:

This should be fairly obvious, but do you really think you’re being clever when you’re ordering a ‘Venti Iced Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato, Sugar-Free Syrup, Extra Shot, Light Ice, No Whip*’? You may think that the sesquipedalian infusion goes well with your dapper waistcoat paired with your ‘ironic’ sneakers, but it just makes you look like an obnoxious tool. If you want to be a hipster, just drink espresso, and if you don’t want to be a hipster then you’re already winning at life so why need coffee?
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Happy Independence Day From Not Always Right!

, | Right | July 4, 2016

It’s July 4th! And since it was a citizen of the United States that coined the term “The Customer Is Always Right,” we’ve decided to highlight an example of how this is not the case, from every single state. That’s right, fifty stories of customer service woe to tide you over while you wait for the fireworks! Happy Independence Day!

Alabama – Just A (Cast The First) Stone’s Throw Away From A True Christian

(I live in the Bible belt of America, where homophobia is the norm. I’m a gay man and was outed by a previous coworker, so now I deal with two or three bigots per week. This takes place an early Sunday morning.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

Customer #1: *a bigot who frequents my lane just to insult me* “Everything except a good, god fearing cashier!”

Me: *scanning items and not paying attention* “Your total is $48.50, sir. Would you like to pay cash or credit?”

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell, you know! You and all your godd***** f*****! Pick up a Bible and learn how to be a Christian!”

(He then proceeds to throw his credit card at me. I check him out while enduring his verbal abuse, as usual. Finally he’s gone to bag his groceries while the next customer comes up. He’s an elderly man, around 60, wearing a sweater and a large prominent cross. I fear the worst but he hands me a gift card.)

Customer #2: “Bless you, son. I’d like you to have this to make up for those of us who are less then their best.”

(Customer #1 has heard Customer #2 and starts yelling.)

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for supporting this f**! Learn how to be a good Christian!”

(Customer #2 removes his sweater to reveals he’s a priest. Customer #1’s eyes widen in shock.)

Customer #2: “Well, if I’m going to Hell I don’t believe there’s much hope for any of us now, is there?”

(He was the new pastor for the church and one of his first sermons was on spreading love instead of hate. I thank you, good sir, for reminding me what a real Christian is like.)
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20 Of The Worst Tech Support Calls Ever!

| Right | June 13, 2016

Ah… technical support. No two words placed next to each other evokes such vivid imagery of personal computers on fire, late-night call center staff having to explain over and over that the monitor is not actually the computer, and infinite amounts of pure PEBCAKkery.

#20: Customers Should Watch Their Language (4,312 votes)

(I work in tech support for a major US cable company, and sometimes we have to deal with people who just don’t want to talk to you because you’re foreign.)

Customer: “You know what? I can’t understand a word you’re saying. You have an accent. Can I be transferred to someone who speaks English?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m speaking English right now, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t understand you because of your accent.”

Me: “So, basically you’re saying you want me to transfer you to someone else.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Because I have an accent.”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “And you can’t understand what I’m saying.”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: “So how come you were able to understand what I just said?”

*a few seconds of silence*

Customer: “Don’t be an a**-hole and just transfer me!”

 

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