Carbon-Based Scams

, , , , | Right | August 25, 2017

(My province has recently adopted a carbon tax, which is charged on various types of fuel. It’s built into the cost of items and is not added on at the till the way GST is. A young customer comes to my till with a six pack of beer. My store does not include sales tax and recycling deposit on our price tags, so the price of his beer jumps from $14.95 to $16.34 at the register.)

Customer: “Man, f*** the carbon tax!”

Me: “Why do you say that?”

Customer: “It’s making my beer more expensive! The lady at the last store told me it was because of the carbon tax. Why else would it be sixteen bucks?!”

Me: “We charge the standard 5% GST plus a recycling deposit of 10 cents per can. Also, the carbon tax doesn’t directly impact the price of alcohol; it’s only charged on fuels like gas, diesel, propane…”

Customer: “But the lady at the last store said I had to pay four bucks for the carbon tax!”

Customer’s Friend: “Well then, the lady at the last store screwed you out of four bucks, man!”

Reading Like They Were Born Yesterday

, , , , , , | Working | August 23, 2017

(I’ve just turned 21 and am at our local liquor store near our college, buying my first legal bottle of alcohol.)

Employee: “May I see your ID?”

Me: *dutifully hands over driver’s license and straightens up proudly*

Employee: *stares intently at the license for 10-15 seconds and hands it back*

My Friend: “Aren’t you going to wish him a happy birthday? He’s 21 today!”

Employee: “Oh, no sh**?! Happy birthday?” *grabs my license back* “Where’s the birth date on this thing, anyway?”

Underage Understanding

, , , | Related | August 4, 2017

(When my father was in the Air Force, he would stop by the same liquor store every Friday night to buy a bottle of booze. After two years of this, he had the following conversation.)

Dad: “Give me a bottle of the good stuff! I’m celebrating.”

Clerk: “What are you celebrating?”

Dad: “I just turned twenty-one!”

Turn Right On Left Street

, , , , , | Right | June 24, 2017

Customer: “Hello, what street are you located on?”

Me: “[Street], in between [Road #1] and [Road #2], opposite the big toy store.”

Customer: “Are you on the left or right hand side on the road?”

Me: *silence and confusion* “Um…”

Must Be One Of Those IPAs Or Something

, , , , , | Right | June 20, 2017

Customer: “What sort of alcohol would you recommend for a single lady in her mid 30s who lives by herself?”

Me: “Cats.”

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