Unable To Nip That One In The Bud

, , , | Right | March 23, 2018

(I work in a liquor store. The store is laid out in a way that means I have to personally give the customer the item that they request. A “nip” refers to tiny bottles.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a nip.”

Me: “Okay, sir. A nip of what, exactly?”

Customer: “A nip.”

Me: “What kind of nip, sir?”

Customer: *points to the shelf*

Me: “So, a nip of vodka?”

Customer: *shakes his head*

Me: *trying to keep calm* “Brandy?”

Customer: *nods*

(The store carries roughly ten different brands of brandy.)

Me: “All right, sir. What kind of brandy?”

Customer: “A nip.”

Me: “Sir, I meant the brand.”

Customer: “A nip!”

(He passed out in the store before I could figure out what kind of brandy he wanted.)

Bad Customers Hunt In Packs

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

Customer: “Why don’t you carry an eight-pack of these?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, sir. We actually don’t sell the eight-pack versions, just the six- and twelve-packs.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous! You’re really making everything more expensive! Now I have to buy two six-packs! You have terrible customer service, and I’m surprised you’re even still open!”

Manager: “We apologize for the inconvenience. If you like, we can give you $2 off to compensate this issue.”

Customer: “Fine!”

Me: *scanning the items* “Do you need a bag for all this?”

Customer: “No, but I need ice.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t sell ice here.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me? What kind of s*** store is this?! F*** you guys. You’re making my life harder, and you’re charging me a s*** price for all this! F*** this store. I’m never coming back here again!”

(He slams the money on the table and leaves without his change of… a nickel.)

Me: “Why did you even give him a $2 discount?”

Manager: “I was humouring him. I didn’t think he’d be an a** about everything. I’m still confused as to why he bought two six-packs instead of a twelve-pack.

Looked Delicious On Paper

, , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(When it’s not busy, we’re allowed to find things to do to pass the time. Usually, I do things like making paper stars to fill up our tip jar, to make it seem fancier.)

Customer: “What are those things inside your jar?”

Me: “Those are paper stars. Do you want one?”

Customer: “I’d love to have one!”

(She then takes one from the jar and pops it into her mouth.)

Customer: “Thanks!”

Me: “Wait! Wait a second! That’s paper! That’s not edible!”

(Her eyes widen and she spits it into her hand.)

Customer: “I thought this was a mint!”

An Unexpected Sweet Tooth

, , , | Right | February 1, 2018

(A tough-looking guy approaches my till to buy a case of beer. He’s wearing a leather jacket and ripped jeans, with face tattoos, etc. He finishes the transaction, then asks:)

Customer: “Oh, and could I get change for this five-dollar bill? The tooth fairy needs to make a stop tonight.”

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No ID, No Idea, Part 33

, , , , | Right | January 23, 2018

(In Alberta, it’s illegal to be in a liquor store without your ID, regardless of age, unless you’re accompanied by a parent or guardian. Most people use their driver’s licence as ID, and it’s illegal to drive without it. Breaking either law warrants a steep fine. The store I work at checks the ID of anyone who appears to be under 25. I’ve only been on shift for an hour, but I’ve already had to turn away six people who have been unable to show me their ID, and I’m starting to get frustrated.)

Me: “Could I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Uh… I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that. I forgot it. But c’mon! You should remember me. I’m here almost every day!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t serve you without ID.”

Customer: “You should remember me! I buy beer here all the time! Don’t I look familiar?”

Me: “Sir, it’s not legal for you to be in here without it. I need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Nah, you don’t, since you remember who I am! If you remember me, I don’t need it. I come in all the time.”

(I’ve had enough. I cover my nametag with my hand.)

Me: “Sir, I’ll sell you your beer right now, if you can tell me what my name is.”

Customer: “Uh… I don’t know. I don’t pay attention to nametags. How should I know what your name is?”

Me: “Well, if you’re in here all the time, then you must remember me, right? Look: I’ve served about 100 customers per day, five days per week, for the last eight years. I don’t remember most of them. If you don’t have your ID, you need to leave.”

Customer: “FINE!”

(He proceeded to get in his vehicle and peel off, presumably without his licence. I hope the cops pulled him over for speeding and driving without a licence!)


No ID, No Idea, Part 32
No ID, No Idea, Part 31
No ID, No Idea, Part 30

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