Doesn’t Know Ott He’s Talking About

, , , , , | Right | October 4, 2017

Customer: “Do you have Jim Ott Cabernet?”

Me: “I’ve never heard of that before. Let me check the computer.”

Customer: “How can you not know? I just bought it here last week!”

Me: “Sir, we have over 3000 products, just in the wine department. It would be very difficult to have all of those memorized. Anyway, I can’t find anything called Jim Ott. Are you sure that’s the name?”

Customer: “Of course I’m sure! Jim Ott! OTT! I just bought it last week. It was on special!”

Me: *light-bulb moment* “Sir, do you mean Joel Gott?”

Customer: “Yes, that! That’s what I’ve been saying. Why was that so hard?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Should Stop Donating Your Advice

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

(We are in the building next to a [Major Supermarket Chain] in a small, affluent, seaside town. The supermarket is undergoing renovations which have blocked off the footpath to the other end of town. Our shop has a back door, which means that walking through our shop is now the quickest way to get to the supermarket. My manager has decided to make use of the extra foot-traffic, and has put signs up asking for donations to an oceanic charity.)

Customer: “You should start charging a toll for people who walk through here!”

Me: “Well, we actually have a donation tin for the Dolphin institute, like the big sign says…”

Customer: *expression drops*

(This happens every shift, multiple times. They’ll exit without saying another word to me.)

Accepting The Bitter Truth

, , | Right | September 20, 2017

(A customer brings a bottle of bitters up to the counter.)

Me: “That will be $24.95.”

Customer: “WHAT? That’s ridiculous. It’s such a little bottle! It’s only $6 overseas! You must be an idiot if you think you can charge me that!”

Me: “I’m afraid there are a lot more taxes and costs, due to exchange and imports, sir.”

Customer: “But even [Town Two Hours Away] has it for $15!”

Me: “Better start driving, then.”

Customer: “I demand to see your supervisor!”

(My supervisor comes over, and has been listening.)

Supervisor: “It’s a really long drive, better start now.”

Their Humanity Is Not Up To The Mark

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 7, 2017

(I have a stork bite [red birthmark] on my forehead and down the side of my nose. I’m working the check-out, and am ringing up an older gentleman. Everything is going fine until…)

Customer: “You have something on your face.”

Me: “Oh, you mean my birthmark?”

(The man thinks for a bit, then leans right in and pokes me hard on my forehead.)

Customer: “That’s where God said, ‘I.’” *pokes me hard* “’Hate.’” *pokes me hard again* “’You.’” *pokes me hard one last time*

(The man then happily grabbed his purchase and walked out. I was too stunned to say anything.)

You’ve Been Brandied A Problem Customer

, , , , , | Right | September 4, 2017

(I work at a small local store that specializes in multiple types of gourmet booze [which basically translates to any brand and type you wouldn’t find in a normal grocery store]. One day I get that customer we all know and love: a barely 20-something-year-old with no ID, who can’t understand why we won’t sell any booze to him. He gets verbal, but after my manager steps in and basically tells him to either produce ID or talk to the police, the guy leaves. Fast forward to my shift the next day.)

Customer: “Bottle of [Expensive Brandy] please.”

(I look up and am taken aback to see it’s the same guy again.)

Me: “Do you have your ID this time?”

Customer: “It’s in my car. What do you mean ‘this time’?”

Me: “Sir, we went over this yesterday. If we think you’re underage, we need to see your ID.”

Customer: “…D*** it, I didn’t think you were smart enough to remember me!”

(He storms out and my shift continues without further drama. Fast forward to next weekend and…)

Customer: “Hey, you got any [Same Expensive Brandy] in?”

(Yep, same guy, except this time he’s wearing a hat that’s pulled down low to shadow his face.)

Me: “That depends; do you have your ID with you this time?”

Customer: “I’ve never been in here before!”

Me: “Sir, you spoke to me less than seven days ago.”

Customer: “…you still remember that?”

Me: “It’s hard to forget you when you keep coming in here and trying the same thing, over and over again. Not to mention that, even if I didn’t, the rules aren’t going to change. You want your brandy, you need ID.”

(More cursing and swearing as the guy stormed out again. Later on the store owner got a complaint letter saying he needed to fire the “smart-a**es who keep ruining everyone’s weekend.”)

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