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I Like My Italians Color-Coded, Too

, , , | Right | April 2, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, ma’am?”

Lady: “Hi, yes. I’d like to get a bottle of wine for my neighbor.”

Me: “All right, what kind?”

Lady: “Kind?”

Me: “Yes, red or white?”

Lady: “Oh, there are two kinds?”

Me: “Well, there are more than two, but those are general groups.”

Lady: “Oh, well, he’s Italian… I think… so we’ll go with Italian.”

Me: “All right, a red or a white Italian?”

Lady: “Well, he’s kind of tan, but I guess white.”

Me: “Um… not your neighbor. The wine, ma’am?”

Lady: “Oh… the Italian wines have groups, too? I guess one of each…”

(This was just the beginning, as I had to describe the fact that there are numerous red and white wine varieties. You can imagine how that went.)


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Fecal Tender

, , | Right | March 26, 2008

(A customer came in, grabbed a 40-ounce bottle of beer, approached my manager, and talked to him for a minute. The customer walked out and my manager came to the counter with the beer and some money. He purchased the beer, walked outside, and then returned. When no one was in the store, we all turned to the manager and asked what happened.)

Manager: “Well, the customer has the money to buy the beer… but he had an issue.”

Us: “What happened?”

Manager: “He said he was coughing real hard in the cooler…and he s*** in his pants…”

(That liquor store has never heard such laughter in the entirety of its existence.)


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