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Routine Trumps Common Cents

| Right | January 9, 2012

(A regular buys the same bottle of liquor every couple of days and brings in just enough money to pay for the bottle. This week, we happen to get in “special edition” bottles and put them in place of the normal ones.)

Me: “That will be [price].”

(The customer hands me money and I give him a $5 in change.)

Customer: “Is this on sale or something? You gave me too much change!”

Me: “That’s a special edition bottle we got in. It’s actually cheaper than the normal one!”

Customer: “Well, it’s been [price] for six years! Why is it cheaper?!”

Me: “Well, at least it’s not more expensive?”

Customer: *muttering* “It’s been [price] for six years…”

Me: *speechless*

In This War, There Are No Winners

| Right | September 7, 2011

(I work at a state-run liquor store, which basically means the state owns everything, including the liquor. All damages are written off at no penalty to us or the customers. A customer approaches me holding a 1/2 gallon glass bottle.)

Customer: “So, you’re state run, right?

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “So, if I break something, do I have to pay?”

Me: “No, but it would be really nice if you didn’t.”

Customer: “Well, here’s to getting my tax dollars back!”

(The customer suddenly smashes the $100 bottle on the ground and walks out.)

My boss: *sighs and gets a mop and broom*

Color Me Stupid

| Right | August 15, 2011

(Note: I am fairly new at the liquor store, so I’m still learning about all the wines, beers, and liqueurs.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Nuvo Pink?”

Me: “Umm, I’m not sure. What is that?”

Customer: “It’s a liqueur.”

Me: “Okay, well, it would be over here.”

(I take the customer over to the the shelves and start looking for it.)

Me: “If we don’t have it, perhaps we have something similar. What flavor is it?”

Customer: “Pink.”

Me: “No, what flavor?”

Customer: “The flavor is pink!”

Raisin Wine Awareness

, , | Right | March 21, 2011

(A customer comes up to the counter, and looks at a bottle of wine we’re sampling.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s a tempranillo.”

Customer: “What is a ‘temper-nillo’?”

Me: “It’s a red grape from Spain.”

(The customer picks up the sample cup, and looks at it in confusion.)

Customer: “This is a grape? I could’ve sworn this was wine.” *knocks sample back* “How about that!”


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In-Conceivably Kooky

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2009

(A little old lady approaches me as I am tidying up some shelves.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but I can’t find your Columbia Crest Cabernet?”

Me: *I point to the shelf above me* “It’s right there.”

Customer: “Oh, my, I feel so foolish!”

Me: “Not at all. It’s a big store and can get a little confusing, even for me.”

Customer: “Now what about some Hess Cabernet?”

(I walk her to where it is and take the bottle down for her.)

Customer: “I LOVE you!”

Me: “Hehe, no problem!”

(I see the check-out lines at the front of the store are full, so I follow her up to help at the registers. After a few customers, she comes through my line.)

Customer: “You can take my money, too?! Amazing!”

Me: *laughs* “Yes, I have many skills.”

Customer: “What are some of your other talents?”

Me: “Well, I can sing!”

Customer: “You can CONCEIVE?!”

Me: “I certainly hope so! But I’m not going to try that out just yet. Right now, I can just sing.”

Customer: “I wish you had really said that. That would have been funny! I love you!”