We Decline Your Solution

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2018

A customer comes to the counter, bottles in hand, and gives me his card to run. It is declined. I give it another shot. Declined again.

He snatches the card back from me, looks at it, licks it with gusto, and attempts to hand it back to me.

I decline, and he cannot figure out why I won’t touch it again.

Words To Make You Go Pale Ale

, , , , | Working | April 30, 2018

(I work in a liquor store that is three hundred feet from the border of another state. As such we get many requests for beers that are exclusive to the other state.)

Me: “I have a customer who’s asking about [Out-of-State Beer]?”

Boss: “Tell them to go f*** themselves.”

Me: “W-what?”

Boss: “Right, you’re new; one minute.”

(She gets up, walks out of the office, and approaches them.)

Boss: “Go f*** yourself.”

(The customer looked shocked, and my boss laughed and explained that since the out-of-state beer is only available in the other state, and that the company involved made it very clear that they will not release the beer across state lines, even for three hundred feet,  that particular brand is a bad word along the lines of a racial slur in our store. I learned that day that our store policy for handling that particular beer request was, in fact, to tell them to go f*** themselves.)

Has ID, Still No Idea

, , , , , , | Working | April 20, 2018

A few years ago, I had my name legally changed, only keeping my last name. Shortly after, I went to the liquor store. Since I’d only become legal the year before, the cashier did their duty and carded me. I presented my two pieces of ID, bought my beer, and went home.

Later, I was going through my wallet and realized I had accidentally put in my old medical card instead of my new one. So, I had presented two pieces of ID with two completely different names, and the cashier hadn’t batted an eye.

Has ID, Has An Idea

A Hateful Eight

, , , | Right | April 10, 2018

(Our store closes at different times each day, so some customers are confused about closing times. Two ladies enter together just before closing time and start browsing the shelves.)

Customer #1: “Hey, why did the lights go out?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s 7:58, and we close at 8:00. Do you need help finding anything?”

Customer #1: “What do you mean you close at 8:00? I thought you closed at 10:00?”

Me: “Our hours are very confusing, I agree. We close at 10:00 on Fridays and Saturdays, but at 8:00 on Mondays through Wednesdays.”

(My coworker comes with keys to lock the front door, and I switch off our open sign. It is now 8:01.)

Customer #2: “What is she doing? Is she locking us in here?”

Coworker: “No, I’ll let you out when you’re finished, but we have to close the doors since it’s now after 8:00 pm. I’ll wait right here so you can get out.”

Customer #2: “But I thought y’all closed at 10:00?”

Me: “Again, I know it’s confusing. We close at 8:00 tonight. Is there anything I can help you find? We really need to finish closing up for the night.”

Customer #1: “Absolutely not! You’re kicking us out!”

Me: “No, miss, I’m not. You were here before we closed. If you know what you’d like, I’d be happy to ring it up for you.”

Customer #2: “This is so rude. I cannot believe this.”

Customer #1: “We are paying customers like anyone else; how dare you kick us out?!”

Coworker: “She wasn’t kicking you out, but now that it’s 8:10 and you’re still squabbling about it, I’m going to have to kick you out.”

Customer #2: “How dare you?! I’m writing a letter to the manager! No, to the state! You’re both getting fired! This store closes at 10:00!”

(The customers left together, without purchasing anything. Once outside they went to take a photo of our posted hours, at which point they noticed that the sign clearly says we close at 8:00 pm on Monday.)

Unable To Nip That One In The Bud

, , , | Right | March 23, 2018

(I work in a liquor store. The store is laid out in a way that means I have to personally give the customer the item that they request. A “nip” refers to tiny bottles.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a nip.”

Me: “Okay, sir. A nip of what, exactly?”

Customer: “A nip.”

Me: “What kind of nip, sir?”

Customer: *points to the shelf*

Me: “So, a nip of vodka?”

Customer: *shakes his head*

Me: *trying to keep calm* “Brandy?”

Customer: *nods*

(The store carries roughly ten different brands of brandy.)

Me: “All right, sir. What kind of brandy?”

Customer: “A nip.”

Me: “Sir, I meant the brand.”

Customer: “A nip!”

(He passed out in the store before I could figure out what kind of brandy he wanted.)

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