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It’s A Face Off

| Right | June 27, 2012

(I greet a customer cheerfully as she enters the shop. After browsing briefly, she gives me a suspicious look and then leaves the store. A few moments later, she returns with my boss.)

Customer: “HER! That is the WORST example of customer service I have ever experienced in this town!”

Boss: *to me* “Could you explain what happened a minute ago?”

Me: “I…I don’t understand. I said, ‘Hi, how are you today?’ and she left pretty much after that.”

Customer: “Look at you now, tearing up in front of the boss! Well, missy, let me tell you…” *to my boss* “LOOK! She’s scowling again, behind your back! That is EXACTLY what I’m talking about!”

(I’m not sure what she’s referring to, but I have naturally fair blonde hair which is dyed a darker shade. I line my brows a shade to match, and they have a dramatic natural arch.)

Boss: “Ma’am? I think that’s just her face. She isn’t trying to offend.”

Customer: “You think you’re so smart, missy? Well, one day, someone is going to call you out on your games! THEY’LL WIPE THAT SMUG LOOK RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE!”

Me: *I wipe my brow liner off and give her a blank look*

Customer: *makes a choked noise, then quickly exits*

Weekend Roundup: A Day In An Employee’s Life

, , , | Right | March 18, 2012

A Day In An Employee’s Life. This week, we share five stories that share the ups and downs (well, mostly the latter) of being an employee. If you’ve ever wanted to share with a friend what your job is like, send them this roundup!

  1. Teaching The Next Generation:
    Fold…unfold…fold…unfold…It’s a wonder more clothing store employees haven’t gone crazy!
  2. A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry:
    This one will get you teary eyed: A customer’s precocious little girl leaves a big, smelly surprise in the changing room.
  3. Mrs. Understanding:
    Teach your children by example…the example of poor, suffering employees, that is.
  4. In This War, There Are No Winners:
    When they say “stick it to the man,” they probably weren’t referring to the guy stuck cleaning up your mess with a mop and a broom.
  5. Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown:
    Customers often ask stupid questions, but on occasion they can have profoundly earth-shattering ramifications.

PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

She Fought The Law, And The Law Won

| Right | March 6, 2012

(I work in a well-known alcohol retailer. There are a number of signs that state in large, bold print that it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors all over the store. Also, for our store there is no “the customer is always right” rule when dealing with alcohol: the law takes precedence. Anyway, I’m preparing to close the store when a woman rushes in).

Customer: “Thank f*** you’re still open! I need a present for my daughter’s 16th birthday. She loves bourbon. What do you recommend?”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say “16th” birthday? Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors. I cannot serve you, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? She’s my daughter. I can buy her booze if I want to!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid not. As these signs quite clearly state, it is illegal to purchase or supply alcohol to a minor. This does not make a distinction as to whether you’re a parent or not. Truth be told, as a parent, you should know better.”

Customer: “She’s my f***ing daughter and I’ll buy her f***ing alcohol if I f***ing want to! Now shut the f*** up and do your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am doing my job. Obeying the law is a very big part of my job, as [corporation name] takes a very dim view of staff members who breach the responsible service of alcohol laws. Now please leave my store.”

Customer: “F*** YOU THEN! I’m not buying the booze for her. I’m buying it for me! Now f*** you and sell it to me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…you’ve already told me it’s for her. I’m not selling you anything. What you’re asking me, a complete stranger, to do is break a Federal Law and put myself at risk of over $90,000 in fines, the loss of my job and never being able to work anywhere that sells alcohol again. I’m not willing to do that for my family, so why would I do that for a rude customer?”

Customer: “Who the f*** do you think you are to say no to me? Do you know who I am?!”

Me: “Someone who has absolutely no care for the law, her children or their well-being, and had better get the f*** out of my store right now before I physically throw you out and call the police?”

Customer: *shuts up and flees*

This Side Uppity

| Right | February 17, 2012

(I work in a fairly ritzy upper-end wine store. We get a lot of customers coming in with partial information about the wine they’re looking for, but we can usually help them find it. Sometimes, not so much.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I bought a case of wine here last month, and I’d like another. I don’t remember the name, but I remember where in France it’s from.”

(Our French wines are organized by the part of France that the wines are from, so this is very helpful.)

Me: “Okay, perhaps you’ll recognize the bottle when we get to that section. Where’s it from?”

Customer: “The ‘cote a ouvrir.'”

Me: “Do you mean Côtes du Rhône, or Côtes du Ventoux, or one of the Côtes appellations in Burgundy, perhaps?”

Customer: “I know d*** well I bought wine here last month, and the box said ‘cote a ouvrir!'”

Me: “I’m sure it did, ma’am. That’s French for ‘open this side.'”

Customer: “Yes! Where do you keep the French wines that say ‘cote a ouvrir?'”

Me: *gestures to the section we’re in* “About two thirds of these will say that.”

Customer: “So, it’s not very helpful?”

Me: “Not as such, no.”


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Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer

| Right | January 31, 2012

(A middle-aged man approaches my register with a carton of beer, which he struggles to lift onto the counter.)

Customer: “I must be getting old. I can’t even get it up anymore!”

(There’s a long awkward silence as he realizes what he said.)

Customer: “Oh…I’m so sorry!”