In This War, There Are No Winners

| Virginia, USA | Right | September 7, 2011

(I work at a state-run liquor store, which basically means the state owns everything, including the liquor. All damages are written off at no penalty to us or the customers. A customer approaches me holding a 1/2 gallon glass bottle.)

Customer: “So, you’re state run, right?

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “So, if I break something, do I have to pay?”

Me: “No, but it would be really nice if you didn’t.”

Customer: “Well, here’s to getting my tax dollars back!”

(The customer suddenly smashes the $100 bottle on the ground and walks out.)

My boss: *sighs and gets a mop and broom*

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Color Me Stupid

| St Louis, MO, USA | Right | August 15, 2011

(Note: I am fairly new at the liquor store, so I’m still learning about all the wines, beers, and liqueurs.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Nuvo Pink?”

Me: “Umm, I’m not sure. What is that?”

Customer: “It’s a liqueur.”

Me: “Okay, well, it would be over here.”

(I take the customer over to the the shelves and start looking for it.)

Me: “If we don’t have it, perhaps we have something similar. What flavor is it?”

Customer: “Pink.”

Me: “No, what flavor?”

Customer: “The flavor is pink!”

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Raisin Wine Awareness

| TX, USA | Right | March 21, 2011

(A customer comes up to the counter, and looks at a bottle of wine we’re sampling.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s a tempranillo.”

Customer: “What is a ‘temper-nillo’?”

Me: “It’s a red grape from Spain.”

(The customer picks up the sample cup, and looks at it in confusion.)

Customer: “This is a grape? I could’ve sworn this was wine.” *knocks sample back* “How about that!”

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Appease The Portuguese

| | Right | September 7, 2009

(Note: Many South African liquor stores are owned by Portuguese people.)

Customer: “Obrigado!” (Speaks in Portuguese.)

Me: “Sorry sir, I don’t speak Portuguese.”

Customer: “WHAT! Your family didn’t raise you in this s*** country to forget where we come from!” *guttural swearing in Portuguese*

Me: “Yes, sir, but-”

Customer: “WHAT THE F***! Did your daddy run away and leave your mother that you cant speak huh? You’re a half-breed! What you gonna do when this f***ing country goes to s*** and we gotta leave, huh?”

Me: “Well–”

Customer: “So do you even THINK of yourself as Portuguese? Or are you ashamed of where you come from or what?”

Me: “I’m Spanish.”

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A Blasphemer In The Church Of Chocolate

| | Right | April 11, 2009

Me: “Merry Christmas!”

Customer: “That’s just garbage!”

Me: “Happy Hanukkah?”

Customer: “None of that s*** means anything!”

Me: *still trying to be cheerful* “All the chocolate is half-off tomorrow!”

Customer: “I don’t like chocolate!” *glares*

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