Unfiltered Story #114660

, , , | Unfiltered | June 16, 2018

Me: “Hello there, ma’am, welcome to [store]. Is there anything I can do to assist you?”

Customer: “EXCUSE me, but I have a BOYFRIEND, b****!”

His Biking Days Are Numbered

, , , , , | Right | March 31, 2018

(A guy brings a bike in that needs a wheel and service. I take his name and phone number and write on the job card. I do the repair, but the customer never shows up to collect. I ring the number on the job card and an old lady answers. She says it is her son’s bike and she will tell him. That afternoon the guy shows up. I assume he is here to pay and collect, but instead he demands to know how I got that number.)

Me: “You gave it to me.”

Customer: “No! I never give out that number!”

Me: “Well, this is the number you gave me when you bought the bike in.”

Customer: “NO, I never give out that number, and I demand to know how you got it.”

Me: “You gave me it.”

Customer: “NO, I never give out that number, so tell me how you got it!”

Me: “Maybe I guessed your phone number!”

Customer: “No, how did you get that number?”

Me: “Are you going to pay the bill and take the bike?”

Customer: “No! Not until you tell me how you got that number.”

(I bring the customer service slip out.)

Me: “Just f*** off. You are wasting your time and mine.”

Customer: “You haven’t heard the last of this!”

(I had. We sold his bike to cover the cost of the bill and never saw him again.)

As Long As It Doesn’t Creep Into Friday

, , , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(I have just sneezed four times in a row.)

Coworker: “Bless you. Are you okay?”

Me: *trying to be funny* “Yeah, I’m just allergic to Wednesdays.”

Coworker: “Then, you’ve got a real problem, because today is Thursday.”

Even Numbers Means an Odd Donation

, , , | Hopeless | February 4, 2018

(I am in a queue of people waiting to be served at the only till that was open. There are three people in front of me. The shop is having a promotion for Christmas, asking people to donate £1 for a dog food in a local shelter for the holiday period. The three people in front of me all decline the request with a very short and abrupt ‘No.’ Then it is my turn.)

Cashier: “Would you like to donate to [Local Shelter] for a dog’s Christmas lunch?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay. Your total will be—”

Me: “I would like to pay for the three people who refused before me and one from me.”

Cashier: *surprised* “Wow, are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Er, that will be [total] plus your donation of £4.”

Me: “You know what? I hate even numbers. Make it £5.”

Cashier: “…okay. Your total is now [new total].”

Me: *makes payment*

Cashier: “Can I ask, why did you pay extra?”

Me: “We recently lost our own dog after 14 years. This is my way of helping others in remembrance of our pet.”

Cashier: “I understand and I will make sure the [Local Shelter] gets told about this for you.”

Pernickety Is Also A Good Name For An IPA…

, , , | Right | September 4, 2017

(I work at a restaurant on a river that has a bar area and a function room for weddings and such. For weddings, we set up the wedding breakfast in the function room, and after the party has finished, we usher them through a set of double doors to the bar area for drinks and to take photos outside, set up for the evening do, and then usher them back through the double doors to the function room and stick a sign on them saying “NO ENTRY” to stop the party spilling through to where people are having meals. One night a persistent older gentleman keeps going through the doors to get his drinks from the bar in the bar area, not the bar in the function room [where I am working]. I ask him a couple of times not to go through the doors, but he ignores me until this happens.)

Me: “Sir, will you please not go through the doors to the bar area?”

Customer: “Well, you’re just being pernickety.”

Me: *sighing* “Sir, why do you keep coming through this door?”

Customer: “The beer is colder on this side.”

Me: *I stare at him.* “Sir, they come off the same barrel; they are exactly the same temperature. NOW who’s being pernickety?”

(The customer sheepishly went back through the doors, and we never had any more trouble from him.)