Behaving Like A (B)Rat

, , , , , | Right | April 20, 2019

(I work in a place that is well known for sausage rolls and coffee. All is going well for a quiet Tuesday afternoon and I haven’t served a customer in about five minutes. In comes an old fella who I don’t recognize as a regular. He places a sandwich on the counter. I ask in my usual friendly way, as upselling is an unfortunate part of the job:)

Me: “You can get a hot or cold drink with that for an extra 40p.”

Customer: *replies, colder than the British weather this week* “Did I say I wanted a drink?”

Me: *a little taken aback by his sour tone* “No, but I am required to ask.”

Customer: *grumbling hard* “I don’t want a d*** drink. All you want is to make me spend more money. I don’t like spending money.”

(Makes me wonder why he bothered coming in to buy anything in the first place, but I don’t say it aloud.)

Me: “Okay, then. That’s [price] on its own.”

Customer: *with an attitude like a toddler and obviously trying to pick a fight* “No, I don’t want it now. I wouldn’t feed it to the rats.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(He huffs off and leaves. I am too caught off-guard to even make a witty comment about the ironic situation. About thirty minutes later, he returns. Luckily, my boss is on a break and I’m the only one here; otherwise, I’d never normally be this naughty.)

Customer: *a little less bitter now* “Two sausage rolls.”

Me: “You want sausage rolls from here? I’m sorry, but I can only give these to the rats.”

(I eventually got a small apology out of him — I was astounded! — and the rest of the transaction went all right. Just goes to show that sometimes it’s good to be a little cocky back, even if you’re not supposed to.)

Unfiltered Story #114660

, , , | Unfiltered | June 16, 2018

Me: “Hello there, ma’am, welcome to [store]. Is there anything I can do to assist you?”

Customer: “EXCUSE me, but I have a BOYFRIEND, b****!”

His Biking Days Are Numbered

, , , , , | Right | March 31, 2018

(A guy brings a bike in that needs a wheel and service. I take his name and phone number and write on the job card. I do the repair, but the customer never shows up to collect. I ring the number on the job card and an old lady answers. She says it is her son’s bike and she will tell him. That afternoon the guy shows up. I assume he is here to pay and collect, but instead he demands to know how I got that number.)

Me: “You gave it to me.”

Customer: “No! I never give out that number!”

Me: “Well, this is the number you gave me when you bought the bike in.”

Customer: “NO, I never give out that number, and I demand to know how you got it.”

Me: “You gave me it.”

Customer: “NO, I never give out that number, so tell me how you got it!”

Me: “Maybe I guessed your phone number!”

Customer: “No, how did you get that number?”

Me: “Are you going to pay the bill and take the bike?”

Customer: “No! Not until you tell me how you got that number.”

(I bring the customer service slip out.)

Me: “Just f*** off. You are wasting your time and mine.”

Customer: “You haven’t heard the last of this!”

(I had. We sold his bike to cover the cost of the bill and never saw him again.)

As Long As It Doesn’t Creep Into Friday

, , , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(I have just sneezed four times in a row.)

Coworker: “Bless you. Are you okay?”

Me: *trying to be funny* “Yeah, I’m just allergic to Wednesdays.”

Coworker: “Then, you’ve got a real problem, because today is Thursday.”

Even Numbers Means an Odd Donation

, , , | Hopeless | February 4, 2018

(I am in a queue of people waiting to be served at the only till that was open. There are three people in front of me. The shop is having a promotion for Christmas, asking people to donate £1 for a dog food in a local shelter for the holiday period. The three people in front of me all decline the request with a very short and abrupt ‘No.’ Then it is my turn.)

Cashier: “Would you like to donate to [Local Shelter] for a dog’s Christmas lunch?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay. Your total will be—”

Me: “I would like to pay for the three people who refused before me and one from me.”

Cashier: *surprised* “Wow, are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Er, that will be [total] plus your donation of £4.”

Me: “You know what? I hate even numbers. Make it £5.”

Cashier: “…okay. Your total is now [new total].”

Me: *makes payment*

Cashier: “Can I ask, why did you pay extra?”

Me: “We recently lost our own dog after 14 years. This is my way of helping others in remembrance of our pet.”

Cashier: “I understand and I will make sure the [Local Shelter] gets told about this for you.”

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