I work in a library, and the public computers shut off fifteen minutes before closing. We have a regular who always waits until three or four minutes to close while I’m shutting down the register to come up and pay for his print jobs. We don’t release them to the printer until they are paid for.

Yesterday, I reminded him thirty minutes before closing to come and get them as soon as he was done. He didn’t.

At close, the print spooler failed to print all of his jobs. I just refunded his money and said:

Me: “See, if you had come up when I asked you to, I would have had time to reset the system, but it’s too late now. Bye!”

I work in a college library. We are not open to the public, but since it’s a library, we always aim to please. A man walks in who is very clearly a member of the public. While this man never gets angry, everything he says gets progressively louder and louder throughout the conversation.

Patron: *Holding up a business card* “I need this laminated.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our laminator is only available for faculty and staff.”

Patron: “No, you can do it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Patron: “Somebody did it for me before, so I know you can do it.”

Me: “Sir, I am not allowed to use the laminator unless it’s for school purposes. You can try the UPS store just down the road—”

Patron: “So, you don’t want to help me?”

Me: “It’s not that I don’t want to help you—”

The man starts looking around to ask someone else.

Me: “You can ask anyone else here and they will tell you the same thing.”

Patron: “I can’t believe this! This wasn’t a problem last time. I just need this little thing laminated, and you don’t want to help me!”

This man’s voice is booming by this point, and my coworker appears from the backroom.

Coworker: “Look, we have the cold laminator. It isn’t the same quality but it will work.”

Patron: “See, that wasn’t hard. I knew y’all could do it.”

My coworker laminates the card and hands it to me, and I hand it to the man. We both just want him to leave.

Patron: “You’re not even going to cut it for me?

Me: “There’re scissors right there.”

Patron: *Holding up the card in its plastic sheet* “It’s a little crooked, isn’t it?”

Me: “It’s in clear plastic. And it was free, so…”

Patron: “Oh. Well, yeah. I mean, sure…”

The man proceeds to cut the edges of his card in the slowest way anyone has ever used a pair of scissors, doing some light flirting with me while he does it, and then, he finally, finally, finally leaves.

A FEW MONTHS LATER…

I have just finished speaking with another challenging patron who shook me up with her attitude. Right as she walks out, Mr. Laminate walks in with a big grin on his face, holding another tiny piece of paper. He picked the wrong day.

Patron: “Hey, I need this laminated.”

Me: “As I told you before, sir, we only laminate for faculty and staff.”

Patron: “Nah, you can do it. Somebody did it for me last time and there was no problem.”

Me: “Actually, it was a problem.”

The man’s face falls as he realizes that even though he doesn’t seem to remember me, I remember him.

Me: “Yeah, we had a whole argument about it.”

Patron: “Oh, uh…

Me: “The only reason I did it was that you refused to believe me when I told you our policy.”

Patron: “Oh, it wasn’t nothing like that—”

Me: “And I wanted you to stop yelling at me.”

Patron: “I just—”

Me: “So, I will not be providing that service for you today. Goodbye.”

Patron: “…okay.”

He walked out with his tail between his legs. It’s been about a year now, and I haven’t seen him again.

Then, just yesterday, I heard from another department that they had a guy walk in demanding laminating services and refusing to believe them when they said they didn’t have one. 

The lesson is that if you’re big and loud and insistent enough, you can get whatever you want! Just don’t try the same grift in the same place twice.

I work in a library. It’s Friday, which means we close a bit earlier than other weekdays. My colleague and I are going through the usual pre-closing routines when the local Tough Girl Gang walks in: four girls around thirteen who have an honestly impressive aura of “Don’t F*** With Us” but who occasionally have to be tossed out for unruly behaviour.

Me: “Hi, guys. Just so you know, we’re closing in ten minutes.”

Head Girl: “No, you’re not. You close at seven.”

Me: “We close at five, sorry.”

Head Girl: “Come on. We know you close at seven on Thursdays.”

Me: “…Yes, but today is Friday.”

All four girls brake so hard I could swear I smell burnt rubber, though that could be from their confidence deflating. They quickly huddle together and get their phones out, talking rapidly (and uncharacteristically quietly) amongst each other.

Girl #2: “But if today is Friday, then…” 

They quickly turned around and ran out, having collectively missed an entire day and clearly VERY late for something.

This story takes place a few years ago when I have just started working as a librarian. At the time, we have a policy that new hires are not sent out for coverage for the first six months.

I work for one of the worst managers in our library system. She has an awful reputation among her staff, and it is deserved. I am surprised when, in my second month, I am asked to cover at a branch that will increase my commute by about an hour each way. After asking, I just go and deal with it.

It’s a snowy day, but I make it on time. About half an hour after I get there, meet the staff, and sit down to start working, we get a call.

It’s my awful manager, demanding that the branch send me back as too many others called in sick that day. The woman I’m working with that day tells her off and eventually hangs up on the bad manager.

Despite the longer commute, I had a great day.

I’m in the stacks looking for a book when a patron approaches me, very upset. 

Patron: “This is wrong!”

He points to a book that clearly doesn’t belong on that shelf. No librarian would have put it there, but sometimes people will take a book, decide they don’t want it after all, and put it back in the wrong place.

I take the book to return it to its rightful home.

Me: “You’re right. Sorry about that.”

Patron: “You know, I used to work in a library, and in my day, that wouldn’t have been allowed.”

Me: “Well, patrons browse on their own, and sometimes books get misplaced. We don’t always notice right away.”

Patron: “So, what are you planning to do about it?”

Me: “I’m… going to put it back where it belongs? Thanks for letting me know.”

Patron: *Sighs* “I guess you just can’t trust the library anymore.”