How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 4

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I’m trying to get on to the computer, but the mouse cursor is just jumping all over the screen erratically. Can I swap to a different one?”

Me: “Of course, if there’s another one free.”

Customer: “But how do I log off this one if I can’t get the mouse cursor to press the button?”

Me: “I’ll come over and sort it in a second.”

(I walk over. Instantly, I see the problem.)

Customer: “Maybe there’s a loose wire or something?”

Me: “Well, if you turn the mouse back the right way round, it should work.”

Related:
How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

Plot Twist Of The Truth

| Mexico City, Mexico | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Top

(I work at a library that opens Monday through Saturday. It is the Tuesday after a long weekend following the celebration of Mexico’s Independence Day. When I walk in, my assistant looks to be almost in tears while talking to a customer on the phone. I decide to take the call from there.)

Me: “Good morning. This is the manager. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, nothing with, really. Since you are all a bunch of lazy a**holes. Shame on you.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t understand, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I called on Sunday because I needed some very important information and no one picked up the phone. No one, you lazy b****!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but, you see, we close Sundays. Any other day we are happy to help with any information.”

Customer: “Yeah? Well, explain this to me. I called yesterday and your s****y secretary didn’t even pick up the phone.”

Me: “Well, because of the long weekend, we were closed this particular Monday.”

Customer: “What the f***? You close when I need information? Are you deliberately doing this to upset me? This country doesn’t need people like you, you know?!”

Me: “You mean, people that celebrate its independence? That’s the reason we closed. Banks close this particular day too, you know?”

Customer: “What?! You mean banks were closed too?! Is this some kind of evil plan you’re all plotting against me?!”

(At this point, I decide I’ve had enough of her screaming.)

Me: “YES WE ARE! And now you know, you should never stop looking over your shoulder because we are after YOU.”

(We never heard from that customer again.)

A Double Bandaged Lust Story

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am looking for a book from the ‘holds’ section of my local library. An old woman, about 75 years old, approaches me.)

Old Woman: “Excuse me, but can you see if there is a book under [name]? I left my glasses in the car, and I can’t read the print.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, there is one.” *I hand her the book*

Old Woman: “What is the title?”

Me:A Double Barrelled Detective Story, by Mark Twain.”

Old Woman: “Thank you, that’s exactly what I’m looking for.”

(Later on, I go to check out a couple books. I see the old woman in line in front of me.)

Old Woman: *to employee* “This young man helped me find my book. I would like to thank him.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

Employee: “He volunteers here sometimes. He’s quite helpful.”

Old Woman: “Oh! Then maybe he could help me find another book I’m looking for. All of my friends have it, and I want to know what all the fuss is about!”

Employee: “What book would that be?”

Old Woman: “It’s called 50 Shades of Grey.”