Two Points Make A Line, But Three People Don’t

| Helsingborg, Sweden | Uncategorized

(I’m at the front desk and there’s a line of three people. A middle-aged school teacher walks up to the counter.)

Patron: “I have a question.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in the line and wait your turn.”

Patron: *looks at the line* “Young man, I would hardly call that a line.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Patron: “Three people don’t make a line. You really should be more clear about your line policies.”

Me: “Line policies?”

Patron: “Three people isn’t enough to call it a line!”

Me: “You would have to ask the people standing in line about that.”

It Must Have Been A New Moon, Part 2

| Bainbridge Island, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a patron at the library on my day off to meet up with a friend. Another patron wearing a ‘Team Edward’ shirt approaches my coworker, who is fixing the name tag on her ‘Save the Wolves’ t-shirt that she’s wearing for the library’s animal week.)

Patron: “You should be ashamed of yourself! You are supporting those hairy monsters!”

Librarian: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s the problem?”

Patron: “You shouldn’t be supporting the werewolves! Bella loves Edward, not some hairy dog!”

Librarian: “No, this shirt is supporting the local wolf refuge. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

(The patron starts screaming obscenities and raving, which is beginning to disturb other patrons. I decide to intervene at this point since I’m still waiting for my friend. Note that I am a well built girl that stands at about 5′ 9″ and am wearing my animal eye contacts for the party.)

Me: “Pardon me ma’am, but what seems to be the problem here?”

(The patron turns around, looks up at me, and goes white.)

Patron: “Y-you’re one of them aren’t you?”

Me: “Please leave my friend here alone and go about your business.”

Patron: *runs out the door yelling* “See if I come back here with you employing her kind!”

Related:
It Must Have Been A New Moon

For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

Customer: “Yeah, that.”

Doesn’t See The Point Of No Return

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

(The library has a return window which patrons can drive up to in order to return or check out materials. The patron in question has just placed their video in the return drawer.)

Me: “Thank you, please have a nice day.”

Patron: “Hey, what would happen if I put a hamburger in there?”

Me: “We would prefer you didn’t, sir.”

For Some, Reading Is Total Kabul

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Patron: “I need some books on Afghanistan.”

Me: “Okay, I can show you where that section is in the non-fiction.”

(I lead the patron over. There are several books on the subject.)

Patron: “So are these, like, books you have to read? Because my school library had some of those, but it’s not what I wanted.”

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