The Classless Part Of Society

| AR, USA | Friendly | August 11, 2016

(I am sitting in a library I frequent just about every week or so. The librarian who works there on weekends is teaching a small group of teens to play a sort of roleplaying game. While I try not to eavesdrop, I can’t help but hear this gem:)

Librarian: “Okay, so you would be a level one human with no class.”

Teen #1: “Sounds about right.”

Doesn’t Look Like Anything The Cat Dragged In

| NM, USA | Related | July 26, 2016

(I am sitting in the youth services section of the library, near the desk, reading a book and waiting for my daughter to come out of story time when I observe a boy about nine or ten approaching the desk.)

Employee: “Welcome to the library. Can I help you find something?”

Boy: “I was wondering if you could help me find my grandma?”

Employee: “Sure. Can you tell me what she looks like?”

Boy: “Well, she’s really old and REALLY wrinkly and has old person hair, and she smells like an old person, and I think she’s wearing a purple shirt. Kind of a crazy cat lady look?”

Employee: *blushing at the boy’s words* “Sorry, I haven’t seen anyone fitting that… description.”

Boy: “Okay, but if you see her, will you tell her me and my mom are at story time?”

Employee: “Sure will.”

(Two minutes later, a lady comes looking for her family. She’s probably not a day over fifty and very stylishly dressed with nice hair.)

Employee: “Welcome to the library. Can I help you find something?”

Lady: “Yes. I was looking for my daughter and grandchildren. The oldest boy is wearing a green shirt and brown ball cap. Have you seen them?”

Employee: “Yes. They went into the story time room.”

(The lady leaves, and the employee looks at me, knowing I saw the whole thing.)

Employee: “Really old crazy cat ladies are getting nicer looking every day!”

Your Business Model Is Rent Out Of Shape

| SD, USA | Right | July 26, 2016

(I work at a public library at the circulation desk. One day a young man approaches the desk.)

Patron: “How much is it to rent a book?”

Me: “If you have a library card, it is free. If you live outside the county, you pay for the card but borrowing items is always free.”

(The patron then wandered over to the audio books before returning to the desk.)

Patron: “How much to rent books on CD?”

Me: “They are free to borrow, sir.”

(He shakes his head and goes to the DVD section. Again he returns to the desk.)

Patron: “How many DVDs can I take and what does it cost?”

Me: “You may borrow five at a time and there is no cost unless they are returned late.”

(The patron looks confused.)

Patron: “I just don’t get why you do this if there’s no money in it for you. Well, good luck with that!”

Carded And Drafted

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Right | July 20, 2016

(I have just had a man get very angry with me because I wouldn’t let his kid or grandkid get on the computers.)

Guy: “This kid has his library card number memorized. Why can’t he get on the computers?”

Me: “He has to have his actual library card with him in order to get on the computers.”

Guy: “He can’t just tell you his card number and get on one?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. He has to have his actual card with him.”

Guy: *glares and moves closer to me* “Why?”

Me: “It’s one of our library branch’s rules.”

Guy: “You have got to be kidding me.”

Me: “I’m 100% serious. I have to have a physical card in order to scan it into the computer to make a reservation.”

Guy: *leans over the table and puts his finger in my face* “Well, whoever made up that rule should’ve been drafted in Vietnam like I was!”

(He then walked away muttering about how that was “bullshit” and leaving me absolutely speechless, mouth hanging open.)

Should Have Had A Safeword

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Friendly | July 12, 2016

(I am sitting at a study carrel studying for a philosophy class when a strange man comes up to me.)

Him: “Well, hey there.”

Me: “Um, hi?”

Him: “How about we go back to my place and I give you a real good spanking?”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Him: “Well, you’re into that kind of thing, aren’t you?”

Me: “Why would you EVER assume that about anyone?!”

Him: “I’m not assuming! You’re the one reading porn!”

Me: *it clicks* “Do you even know who Michel Foucault is?”

Him: “Sure, she’s that chick who wrote the dirty books, the Fifty whatever ones.”

Me: “Uh… no. He was a French philosopher who wrote about the various social manifestations of power. ‘Discipline and Punish’ is about the evolution of the prison system.”

Him: “Yeah, sure. I think you just get off on reading smut in public.”

(I turn the book toward him so he can see the page I’m reading, which begins: “It was a time of great scandals for traditional justice, a time of innumerable projects for reform. It saw a new theory of law and crime, a new moral or political justification of the right to punish…” and continues in that vein.)

Me: “Now will you please let me finish reading for my seminar?”

(Later that semester the class studied “History of Sexuality,” which I was careful to only read at home!)

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