Addressing The Modern Actor

| ID, USA | Friendly | October 6, 2015

(It’s a slow day, so my co-worker and I are making small talk. The conversation turns to awards shows and the expensive dresses celebrities wear to them.)

Me: “You know, just once I’d like to see an actress wear a department-store dress to the Oscars or something. Not a designer dress that costs enough to feed a small country for a year.”

Coworker: “You know, I could see [Decidedly Male Actor] doing that.”

Me: “…You could see [Decidedly Male Actor] wearing a dress to the Oscars?”

Coworker: “Well, I meant like a Wal-mart suit, but actually, I could see him in a dress…”

Was It J.K. Rowling?

| New Zealand | Learning | September 29, 2015

(Because their library is being refurbished, our local school brings their classes in to take books out every week. This week one of the classes comes in with a teacher I haven’t seen before…)

Teacher: *approaching the desk* “Who wrote ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’?”

Me: “…”

Thinks He Can Read You Like A Book

, | London, England, UK | Learning | September 24, 2015

(I am 11 and have a notoriously short attention span. I often lose interest in lessons within 15 minutes. The exception for me is books. I can read books for hours on end without fail. Most of my teachers put up with me to some extent but my English teacher always seemed to have a problem with me. Because my personality made it difficult to make friends I spent most of my time in the library reading. One day my English teacher comes into the library during lunch and sees me reading.)

Teacher: “[My Name], what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.”

Me: “Umm… I’m reading. Why?”

Teacher: “Don’t be silly. You don’t have the patience for books. You’re clearly up to no good.”

Me: “Actually, I love books. This one is my favorite. I’ve read it, like, eight times and it’s different every time.”

Teacher: “Don’t lie to me. You clearly stole that book from some other student and are about to cause trouble.”

(She then walks up to me and snatches my book from my hands.)

Teacher: “I’m taking this to my office. You can tell whoever you stole it from that I have it. Let this be a lesson that you shouldn’t disrespect books.”

(No matter how much I argued she didn’t give it back. Eventually I had to go to lessons. I went home and cried and my mother called the teacher to complain. The teacher refused to accept that I owned the book. It wasn’t until my mother submitted a formal complaint to the head teacher that I got it back, only to find she had kept it in her office and used it as a coaster. By the time I got it back it had several tea stains and she had even spilled some onto the pages. Even 12 years later I can’t work out how I was the one disrespecting books.)

Children Aren’t On The Dewey System

, | PA, USA | Learning | September 23, 2015

Patron: “Do you know where our daughter is?”

(Keep in mind we have 50,000 students and the library doesn’t require signing in. It’s also Finals Week when we’re incredibly crowded and we’re one of the largest buildings on campus.)

Me: *boggle*

Patron: “She came in this morning.”

Me: “Well, she could be in one of the computer labs which are located that way.”

Patron: “No, she’s not using a computer.”

Me: “Then she could be in the study carrels or group study rooms or possibly in the work areas on any of the public floors.”

Patron: “We’ll just text her.”

Should Have Phoned Ahead

, | MI, USA | Working | September 22, 2015

(One student worker is at the circulation desk and I am in my office, which looks out on the desk. A middle-aged woman comes into the library talking VERY loudly on her phone:)

Woman: *keeps talking and shoves a paper at my student worker* “WORK STUDY!”

Student Worker: “You are looking for a work study position?”

(The woman nods and keeps talking on her phone. The student worker brings me the paper. It turns out to be the student’s schedule, showing when she can work.)

Me: “I am sorry, you are getting a late start on this and we have already filled our positions this semester.”

(The woman is given back her paper. On the way out of the library I hear her tell her friend:)

Woman: “Man, ain’t nobody on this campus doing any hiring.”

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