The Heavenly Penny Finally Dropped

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small local library. A patron comes up to the front desk with a mischievous look in his eye. He plunks down a stack of movies.)

Patron: “I didn’t know you guys had stuff like this.”

(Not everyone knows that we lend videos and music, so I start on my standard ‘things you can get from the library’ spiel.)

Patron: “No, man, I know about that! I meant porn!”

Me: “Wha?”

Patron: “Like this one, here!”

(He holds up an old VHS.)

Patron:Penis from Heaven!”

Me: “‘Pennies,'” sir. It’s Pennies from Heaven.”

Patron: “Oh. Well, you can keep it, then.”

A Very Close Knit Community

| USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Holidays

(Occasionally customers bring in presents for the staff to show their appreciation. Normally it is cookies or flowers from their yards. Some of the newer staff are still getting used to this generosity. One afternoon in mid-November a woman brings in something different.)

Customer: “Pick one.” *lifts a a large, clear garbage bag full of brightly colored knit scarves onto the counter*

Me: “Oh, wow. What is the occasion?”

Customer: “It’s the holidays! I made all of these and I want to share them!”

Me: “Are you sure? That’s very thoughtful! You’re a much more prolific knitter than I am.” *carefully removes a scarf from the bag*

Customer: *quickly moves to my coworker at an adjacent desk* “Here! Pick one! Merry Christmas!”

Coworker: *looks up startled*

(I shrug, smile, and go into the work room to tell the other staff what is going on.)

Coworker: “Thank you. That’s very sweet.” *gingerly picks a scarf*

(The customer manages to find every staff member in the building and give them a scarf. She leaves immediately afterward.)

Coworker: “So, uh, do you guys all know her? Does she do this every year?”

Me: “I have… never seen that woman before in my life.”

Best To Try To Rise Above It

, | Portland, ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(I am in the middle of a health scare involving my lungs, and my doctor has told me not to use the stairs for more than one flight. I need to be on the fourth floor, so I am waiting for the elevator when a patron storms up to me.)

Patron: “Excuse me! I don’t know if you read the sign, but it clearly says that this elevator is for handicapped people. Not people who are just too lazy to use the stairs.”

Me: “…I beg your pardon?”

Patron: “You need to leave the elevator for the people who really need it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I need the elevator.”

Patron: “That’s bulls***.”

Me: “Look, lady. One of my LUNGS is not functioning right now, and my doctor has told me that I’m not allowed to take the stairs.”

Patron: “Your doctor is too easy on you!”