College Is A Lottery

, | St. Louis, MO, USA | Learning | January 17, 2017

Student #1: *to [Student #2]* “What would you do if you won the Powerball Lottery?”

Student #2: *thinking* “Hmm, probably pay off my college tuition. Then use the remaining seven dollars to buy myself a sandwich.”

The Yardstick To Measure Suitable Punishment

| ID, USA | Working | January 16, 2017

(For some reason, kids who use our restrooms think it’s great fun to go into a stall, lock it from the inside, and crawl out under the door, leaving the stall empty and locked. We’ve found the easiest way to solve the issue is to use a yardstick to nudge the lock open through a gap in the wall of an adjacent stall. During a routine bathroom check I find a locked stall, and I go to the back room.)

Me: “Has anyone seen the yardstick? There’s a locked stall in the bathroom.”

Coworker #1: “It’s back here, behind my desk.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Coworker #2: “Um, why do you need a yardstick for the bathroom? Is it to open the door?”

Me: *slightly sarcastic* “No, I’m going to hunt down the kid who did it and use this to spank him.” *waves yardstick*

Boss: *at the fax machine, where I haven’t noticed her until now* “…WHAT?!”

(I hadn’t even realized the boss was there, and spent a minute stumbling over myself to assure her I wouldn’t spank the kid. Thankfully she has a sense of humor and laughed about it, but it goes to show to be careful cracking jokes at work!)

Plans For Democracy Have Been Shelved

| USA | Working | January 16, 2017

(I had the day off yesterday and didn’t have to go in. As I am one of only three clerks at my branch, every now and then shelving backs up. Today I’m at a staff conference and see my supervisor.)

Me: “So is there a lot to shelve for when I come in tomorrow?”

Supervisor: *sighs heavily* “Yeah, we could’ve used you and the other shelver yesterday. [Boss] had to go; it was just [Coworker #1] on the children’s desk and [Other Coworkers] at reference by lunchtime.”

Me: “Yikes, sounds pretty shorthanded. Was it chaotic?”

Supervisor: “I declared martial law and bought candy bars. I think the new regime is settling in nicely.”

Needs To Learn Coding One-Hundred-And-One

| Terrace, BC, Canada | Learning | December 16, 2016

(I am nine years old. Our school library requires everyone to have a four-digit code to take out books. The first time I tried to use my new code this happened:)

Librarian: “Code, please.”

Me: “One thousand two hundred and fourteen.”

Librarian: *not typing anything* “That’s not a code.”

Me: “One, two, one, four…”

Librarian: “Very good.”

Me: “…”

Committed To Understanding

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Right | December 10, 2016

Today a library customer called and told me she had an unusual question. She was born in another country, and usually drank tea. She knew Americans like coffee, and she wanted to brew coffee for some guests. After helping her with coffee to water ratios and converting ounces to milliliters, she said, since I have you on the phone…

“I am friends with a younger woman who was not born in the US. She has been spending time with a young man from her classes. He recently said he wanted a commitment. We looked this up in the dictionary, but we do not understand exactly what this means. Is it a marriage proposal?”

I asked some questions, and discovered that the young woman and the man had been dating, and assured the caller that a commitment in dating terms meant that the couple would be exclusive, not engaged.

The caller was very sweet and thankful. I hope she calls again!

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