An Attention Deficit Disorder

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal

(A patron grabs a pair of our headphones, puts them in her purse, and starts walking away.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t take our headphones away from the computer area.”

Patron: “Oh. I didn’t think you were paying attention, so I just took them. Is that okay?”

Me: “…no. No, it isn’t.”

Ask A Silly Question…

| MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I am in charge of our text service at the library where I work. We had a patron for a time who delighted in pranking us with odd or silly questions. We generally handle such instances in a very professional manner, but one evening when the patron texted in, I decided it was time to fight back.)

Patron: “How do I get to the library?”

Me: “The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice.”

Patron: “Is there any way I can practice watching the live NFL draft in the library?”

Me: “Nope. So sorry. Try [Local Bar].”

Patron: “But I have a final test tomorrow.”

Me: “Then [Local Bar] probably isn’t a great idea.”

Patron: “Thank you for your generous advice.”

Me: “Always thrilled to be of service.”

Patron: “I accidentally whispered on the quiet floor of the library. What are the repercussions?”

Me: “Death. There is no alternative. But on the bright side, your folks will probably get a hefty life insurance payout.”

Patron: “Unfortunately no one has yet insured my life. However if you are interested I can arrange for payments.”

Me: “Oh, that’s very sad. Maybe they don’t love you. You deserve parents who will put a price on your life.”

Patron: “Touché, library person!”

Me: *bows; exeunt stage left*

All Men Must Serve

| NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Language & Words

(I am the librarian.)

Patron: “Do you have any books on Japanese architecture? I play the game Minecraft and we’re building Westeros. You know, Game of Thrones? Part of it is going to be Japanese themed.”

Librarian: “I think we do. Let me look…” *searches the catalog* “Yup, there are some e-books you can get by clicking the links here, or there should be a couple upstairs. Are you able to find things by call number?”

Patron: “Yeah, I should be able to find it. Thanks!”

Librarian: “You’re welcome! Valar Morghulis!”

Patron: “Yeah.” *starts to walk away, but stops suddenly and turns around* “Wait, did you just…”

Librarian: “Yeah, I really did.”

Patron: “That’s awesome! Valar Dohaeris!”