Your Scam Method Is Broke

, , , , | Right | August 31, 2017

Customer: *brings item up to the front counter* “Hi, I noticed this is broken. Can I get it for half off?”

Me: “Oh, bummer. Were there any others back there on the shelf like it?”

Customer: “No, not of this color. Can I just get this half off?”

Me: “Well, I know for a fact that I have more of those in that color in the back that aren’t broken. I’ll go get one for you.”

Customer: “No, I want this one. Just put it in the computer for half off. It’s broken.”

Me: “I can see that it is. But I can’t take 50% off just because that corner is chipped off, especially since I know I have plenty that aren’t broken. Would you like me to go get one?”

Customer: “If you can’t give me a discount, I don’t want it. Can’t you just type it in?”

Me: “Only managers can do that, and even if I was a manager, the computer only goes to 20% off. But unless it’s the only one left and severely damaged, I can’t do that for you.”

Customer: *tosses (somewhat fragile) item onto counter* “Whatever.”

(When I went back to where the items are displayed, there were three more on the shelf just like the one she had brought up, same color and all. She must have looked through to find the specific broken one, or maybe even broke it herself in hopes of getting a discount!)

Forever Young, Forever Scamming

, , | Working | August 31, 2017

(This first incident happened many years ago, at our first flat. A lady comes knocking on our door.)

Lady: “Hello, my husband has just passed away and I’m raising my young son alone. I’m selling joss sticks and incense papers to make a living. Please buy some from me.”

Mum: “I’m sorry, but I’m a Christian. I don’t use those. Do you have anything else to sell?”

(Long story short, eventually my mum buys something. We move after a few years and have now been living there a few years already. My mum hears a knock on the door, and answers. It is the same lady.)

Lady: “Hello, my husband has just passed away and I’m raising my young son alone. I’m selling joss sticks and incense papers to make a living. Please buy some from me.”

Mum: “What? Your child was young years ago, now he still hasn’t grown up? My own kids are grown and working already.”

Lady: “If you don’t want to buy, just say so!”

I’d Say That Definitely Counts As Being Mis-Sold

, , , , | Working | August 30, 2017

(In the UK, there was a massive incident of Payment Protection Insurance [PPI] being mis-sold between 1997 and 1999. As such, when the information was first released, there were a lot of cold callers offering to get this money back – in most cases, a scam. After several years, it petered out. Recently, the deadline to claim it back is coming up, resulting in more calls. I get a call on my mobile from a number I don’t know, but it is a landline so I answer it, though I am suspicious.)

Caller: “Good evening, Miss, how are you?”

(Immediately I know it’s a spam call)

Me: “Who are you?”

Caller: “My name is [Name] and I am calling from [Financial Company]. I believe you are [Male version of my name]?”

Me: “It’s [Female Version]. What do you want?”

Caller: “I am calling because I believe you have been mis-sold Payment Protection Insurance. I want to help you claim it back.”

Me: “No. I’ve not been mis-sold PPI.”

Caller: “Are you sure? You may have been sold it without knowing if you took out a loan between 1997 and ‘99.”

Me: “Definitely sure.”

Caller: “How can you be so sure?”

Me: “I was six. Bit of a risk lending to a six year old.”

(He hung up.)

Making Yourself The Winner Every Time

, , , | Working | August 28, 2017

(For a period of time, I keep getting repeated phone calls from gambling companies. They tell me that I have participated but won nothing, so they want to put me into a special drawing with a higher chance, or that my participation is about to end and I need to choose to continue or drop out. Note that I have never participated in anything. I get tired of this and start to mess with them. Note that I usually recognize them by their phone numbers.)

Me: “[Lottery] customer care, my name is David, how can I help you?”

Scammer: “Hello, this is [Gambling Company], am I talking to [My Name]?”

Me: “No, this is David from [Lottery] customer care. Are you inquiring about our new program? We guarantee a 90% win chance of at least 100€ if you participate for at least three months at 60€ per month.”

Scammer: *click*

 


 

Scammer: *does a standard spiel about me participating and so on*

Me: “First of all, I did not participate in…”

Scammer: “What did you participate in?” *Note that she uses “du”, a personal form of address which is usually reserved for family members and friends.*

Me: “For one thing, I’d appreciate you calling me ‘sie’ (formal form of address which would be appropriate) instead of ‘du’. Also…”

Scammer: “Who cares what I call you, you a**h***? Get lost, you…” *click*

Me: “Oy…”

 


 

Scammer: “Greetings, I’m calling on behalf of…”

Me: “SARAH! Is that you?!? Where have you been?!? We’ve been worried sick! You are so grounded, young lady!”

Scammer: “Uh… hello? This is not Sarah, this is…”

Me: “Wait, Michael, is that you?!? I told you I don’t want you around my daughter! She’s only 15! If she is not home within the hour, I will call the police and have your a** arrested for child molestation!”

Scammer: “No, I’m just… f*** this!” *click*

 


 

(I decide to try something I read on NotAlwaysRight.)

Me: *in a childish voice* “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello? Who am I talking to?”

Me: “Tommy.”

Scammer: “Hello, Tommy, are your parents home?”

Me: “Daddy’s at work.”

Scammer: “And your mommy?”

Me: “She’s in the bedroom.”

Scammer: “I would like to talk to her.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll get her.”

(I wait for a moment.)

Me: “She’s in the bedroom with Mr. Meier, our neighbor. The door’s locked and they’re making funny noises.”

Scammer: “… call your daddy and tell him. That w**** deserves it!” *click*

 


 

Scammer: “Hello, I’m [Name], calling on behalf of [Gambling Company]. Am I talking to [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Scammer: “Mr. [My Name], I have great news for you! You participated in [Lottery] and your name was drawn! You are eligible for prizes of up to 10 million €!”

Me: “What! Really?!?”

Scammer: “Yes! Isn’t that great?”

Me: “Fantastic!” *holding the phone to the side as if I was shouting to someone else* “Hey, Christina! Guess what! We just won 10 million € in the lottery! Get dressed, we’re going out! And we’re getting that necklace! And the ring! What? Who cares about the price! We’re millionaires now!” *back on the phone* “Man, this is so great! We can finally get a car and move out of this dump! You just made my life!”

Scammer: *click*

I Am 17, Going On 15…

, , , | Right | August 28, 2017

(I am a bus driver.)

Customer: “One child’s ticket to [location].”

Me: “How old are you?”

Customer: “Fifteen.”

Me: “Full fare, please.”

Customer: “I’M 15 YOU F****** B****** S*** HEAD! HOW DARE YOU SAY I’M OLDER THAN I AM?! I SHOULD HAVE YOU DONE FOR DISCRIMINATION! I WANT FREE TRAVEL NOW!”

Me: *calmly points to the “Happy 17th Birthday” badge on her top*

Customer: *blushes*

Me: “So, full fare?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

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