Don’t Give Them A Job In Security

, , , , , , | Right | February 26, 2018

(A customer comes to the service desk in regards to an application he filed a week earlier.)

Me: “Hi, how can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I applied for a job about a week ago, and I’m very interested. I was just wondering if I could leave my information with you guys.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I hand him a clipboard with some papers on it, and he writes down his info.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll give this to our hiring manager; she’ll be in later today.”

Customer: “Thanks.” *begins walking towards up escalator*

Me: “Sir, the exits are over there.” *points in completely opposite direction*

Customer: “Oh.”

(He walked to the bathroom, then checked to see if I was still watching, eventually leaving when he realized I was. I wrote on the note to the manager that he tried to sneak into a movie without a ticket. When she read it, she laughed hysterically and said, “Now I can use this to make sure we don’t hire him!”)

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Break-ing The Law

, , , , , | Working | February 26, 2018

(I am a cashier at a department store. It is 4:00 pm, and I am midway through my eight-hour shift. We are very busy, though we have more than enough staff on hand. I approach my supervisor for my lunch break.)

Me: “May I take my lunch now?”

Supervisor: “Sorry, but we are very busy right now. You’re going to have to wait.”

(This pattern repeats every 30 minutes for the next two and a half hours. When I approach her again at 6:30, this happens.)

Me: “Now can I take my break?”

Supervisor: “No. You’re not getting a lunch at all.”

Me: “Excuse me?

Supervisor: “Do I need to repeat myself? You are not getting your lunch today!”

Me: “That’s illegal! The company can get in a lot of trouble for that!”

Supervisor: “Really? Wait here.”

(Soon after my supervisor leaves, she returns with my manager in tow, who brings me to the office.)

Manager: “Is there a reason why you were not taking your break?”

Me: “[Supervisor] wouldn’t let me! She eventually told me I wasn’t allowed to take it at all!”

Manager: “I see.”

(She hands me a clipboard. I immediately realize I’m being written up!)

Manager: “You’re not a good liar, you know. I heard everything from [Supervisor]. I would normally have you fired for this, [My Name], but I’m feeling generous today. But going forward, this cannot happen again, or you will be fired.”

Me: *signing the form* “I should not have been written up for this. I’m going to take this up with [Owner].”

Manager: “You do that, and I will fire you. I dare you.”

(Unafraid of my manager, I followed through and reported the incident to the owner, who was horrified when he heard of it. He fired my supervisor for intentionally breaking state laws and lying to him about it, corroborating his statement with a customer complaint about her cursing me out. The manager was also suspended for two weeks without pay for not investigating enough, and eventually demoted when the owner discovered that my write-up wasn’t the only bogus one she had submitted. For all my trouble, I got three days paid leave and a promotion!)

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Two Scams For The Price Of One

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(A customer comes up to my till and drops four items onto the belt. I recognise them as being in a “Buy two, get the third free” offer. Already, I know what he is trying to do.)

Customer: “I’m buying those two and it gets me that one free, and because I’ve got that one and that one, I get the other one free, too, right?”

Me: “No, sir. The offer is that you have to buy two to get the third free.”

Customer: “I am, and because I get that third one, I can add it to one of those and get the last one free, too.”

Me: “No, sir, it has to be two separate groups of three items; we don’t allow you to overlap and use the same item twice.”

Customer: “Why not?! You’re just trying to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Well… Yes, sir. We’re a shop. That’s what we do.”

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Someone Is Telling (And Eating) Porkies

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need a large pizza with no pork; I’m allergic to pork.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. What toppings would you like?”

Customer: “Pepperoni, bacon, ham, and sausage.”

Me: “You do understand that every thing you ordered is pork, correct?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just allergic to a lot of pork.”

(Thirty minutes after the customer picks up their pizza, I get a call from the same person.)

Customer: “I asked for no pork on my pizza, and it’s all over it, and I’m allergic!”

Me: “Okay, then, no problem. I’d be happy to give you your money back, as long as you have that whole pizza.”

Customer: “It’s gone. I ate it all already; I was hungry. I need another pizza for free, or my money back!”

Me: “Nope.”

(I hung up. I am the manager there. I’m not an idiot when people try to get free food. They never ordered from us again.)

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No Refunds, No Discrepancy, No Clue

, , , , , | Working | February 22, 2018

(A sale was put through as cash accidentally yesterday, resulting in the register being -£100. To correct it I have refunded the sale so the register for today will be +£100 and total out at zero across the two days. A coworker has been using the register and waits silently while I refund the sale.)

Coworker: “So, what does this do?”

Me: “Technically, I’m removing £100 to the expected total for the day, so the register will be £100 up when I cash the float tomorrow. It will cancel out the -£100 that was found yesterday, so the discrepancies for the week will be zero.”

Coworker: “Wait, so, a £200 discrepancy? I’m not getting blamed for that!”

(He tries to push me out of the way, but the receipt is already printing.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “I got pulled for £5 last month. Who knows what will happen with £200! Fix it!”

Me: “That’s what I’ve been doing.”

Coworker: “No, you’re taking money out of my drawer. That’s not allowed. I’m telling!”

(He runs off and I finish what I need to. As I’m heading back to the office, he and the store manager stop me.)

Manager: “[My Name], [Coworker] said he saw you stealing from the register?”

Me: “No, I was fixing that cash sale from yesterday.”

(She accepted my answer but our coworker didn’t, and he demanded that the register be counted. The manager tried to explain, in very basic terms — ones and twos — what I had done, but he didn’t accept it. She ended up just leaving him while he demanded, in writing, confirmation that he would not be blamed when the register came up with a discrepancy. Lo and behold, the next day came and went with no one being pulled for stealing £100. This didn’t end here, though, as [Coworker] ended up calling HR, prompting a senior manager to audit our process. He didn’t find anything amiss and ended up advising we do training to resolve the confusion. We did, and [Coworker] still didn’t understand. I hear that whenever someone refunds his register, he calls HR again. They know him by name now.)

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