Obtaining Information Is Not Their Calling

, , , , | Working | August 10, 2017

(I get calls like this on my mobile regularly.)

Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller] with [Some Company]. Can I speak to [My Name]?”

Me: “This is she.”

Caller: “Thank you; could I have you verify your mailing address and birthdate?”

Me: “Nope.”

Caller: “Well, I won’t be able to proceed with the call unless you give it to me.”

Me: “I won’t give that information over the phone to someone who called me.”

Caller: “I already have your information; I just need you to verify it.”

Me: “You can tell me what you have and I’ll verify it, but I won’t give it to you over the phone since you called me.”

Caller: “Well then, I won’t be able to proceed with the call at this time. We’ll call again later.”

Me: “I still won’t give you that information later.”

Caller: “We’ll call later. Bye.”

How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 28

, , | Working | August 7, 2017

(An unknown number calls my cell phone. I’ve been getting a lot of scam calls lately, so I decide to mess with them.)

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello, yes, is [My Father] there?”

Me: “Oh, he’s not here right now.”

Scammer: “This is [unintelligible] calling from Windows Technical Services. We have detected a problem with your computer. Could you please open it up?”

Me: *thinking* “Score!” *saying* “Just a sec.”

(He’s called me pretty much first thing after I got into work, so it actually takes some time to unpack my non-Windows laptop.)

Me: “Sorry about the delay. Hello? Hello…? If you’re going to scam me, you could at least put some effort into it.” *hangs up*

Scammer: *calls back* “Hello. Why did you hang up on me?”

Me: “You weren’t responding.”

Scammer: “Yes, I was, I… I have the serial number for your computer here. Can we just confirm it and if it doesn’t match, you can hang up.”

Me: “All right…”

Scammer: “Can you look at the left side of your keyboard, what key is at the bottom left?”

Me: *thinking* “Oh, no. They’re learning.”

(My laptop has a different set of keys along the bottom than a Windows keyboard would. All of my “What’s a start menu” jokes, ruined! I turn away from my laptop, and pick up the keyboard to my desktop machine. It is covered in dust.)

Me: “It says C… T… R… L…”

Scammer: “Yes, what’s to the right of that key?”

Me: “It’s like… a rectangle, with some lines…”

Scammer: “Could you press that key, and tell me what happens?”

Me: “Nothing is happening. I’m pressing it over and over, and I’m not seeing anything.”

(This is 100% truthful. The desktop is not hooked up to the monitor; I do all of my work through the laptop. I don’t see anywhere to go with this, so I hang up again and turn off my phone. I soon realize that I should probably actually look at what I did, so I’m sure the desktop isn’t sitting around with a menu up or anything. When I manage to hook it up, I see a dialogue box that would let me tell a hilarious joke.)

Me: *thinking* “It’s just too bad they’re going to have rationally given up on me by this point.”

(I later turn on my phone, and get some voice messages, in which the scammer attempted to talk to my voicemail service like it was me, which didn’t work out well. Something like an hour later, my phone rings again.)

Scammer: “Hello, yes, this is [unintelligible] from Windows Technical Services.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, you guys called earlier! I pushed the weird rectangle button a few times, and nothing happened, but then I realized, my screen was off! I turned it on, and it said something about sticky keys, so that keyboard’s in the sink now.” *hangs up, as neither of us can possibly follow up on that*

Too Late For Them To Get It Free

, , , | Right | August 7, 2017

(I work for a pizza place in a city as a delivery driver. We have a 30 minute policy that if we’re 30 minutes late, the delivery is free. I have to take a delivery across the whole city. As I arrive in the neighborhood, it doesn’t appear nice, and neither does the lady at the house I’m delivering to.)

Customer: “Jesus f****** Christ, there you are! We’ve been waiting for a f****** hour now!”

Me: *takes out phone to check time* “Ma’am, it’s only been 27 minutes; you need to pay for the pizza. The total comes to—”

Customer: “Excuse me? B****, I’m not paying for no god-d*** pizza! You’re late; we get the food for free.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t give you the pizza until you pay me.”

Customer: “How much is the charge?”

Me: “$67.84.”

(She ordered a lot of large pizzas, expecting me to be late.)

Customer: “No. No f****** way I’m paying some dumb b**** for some overcharged pizzas.”

Me: *takes out phone* ” Look, it’s now only been 29 minutes, and I came here two minutes ago, ma’am, so please pay or you won’t get any pizza.”

Customer: *grabs my phone and throws it as hard on the ground as she possibly can and proceeds to stomp on it* “I don’t see no f****** time. All I see is your destroyed property on my porch! Now and give me my f****** pizzas!”

Me: “You will NEVER get these pizzas, you hear me? NEVER! Because all you do is act like a f****** jackass. This isn’t a zoo, is it? NO, IT’S A F****** HOUSE. And guess what? This whole conversation is being recorded!”

 (I had opened the Voice Memo app on my iPod while she destroyed my flip phone. I went back to the restaurant and talked with the manager. I played the conversation and he listened intently. A week after the incident, the horrid customer was arrested for stabbing a delivery driver who didn’t bring her a Coke.)

Telling A Large Raspberry To Get A Large Strawberry

, , , , , , | Right | June 30, 2017

(I work at a Specialty Ice Cream stand, which is a rather popular stand. One particular day, a child whom I’ve never seen before comes up to the stand. He can’t be older than 12.)

Child: “Hi, I haven’t gotten my large strawberry yet.”

Me: *knowing I’ve never seen him* “You haven’t ordered a large strawberry.”

Child: “Yes, I have! You just never gave it to me!”

Me: “Okay, how much did you pay for it?”

Child: “I paid…” *checks sign next to the window which has the base price without tax, then states that price to me*

Me: *internally grinning* “Large [Specialty Ice Cream] is [price with tax].”

(The kid’s expression fell as he knew he’d been caught. He walked away without another word. I moved on to the next customer who had seen the whole thing and was grinning as well. We both agreed that it was a rather poor attempt.)

The Gift Receipt That Keeps On Giving

, , , | Right | June 30, 2017

(I work in a popular clothing retail store in the UK and deal often with returns. It is around mid- April, so the UK Mother’s Day has passed and we’ve also recently had a sale, so returns are more frequent.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”

Me: “That’s not a problem. Was there anything faulty at all?”

Customer: “Yes! I got it as a gift on Mother’s Day and I went to wear it and there is a huge tear under the arm.”

(The item is a coat that I know went into the sale. The tear is nowhere near the hem so it is not a manufacturing fault and actually looks like the person has worn the coat and caught it on something, or so I originally believe. The store has a very relaxed returns policy so I proceed.)

Me: “I am sorry about that; do you have the receipt at all?”

Customer: “Why would I have a receipt? It’s a gift.”

Me: “If it was purchased as a gift in store then we do offer gift receipts. Without any proof of purchase I am afraid I can only offer a gift card.”

Customer: “That’s not correct at all. I know my rights. It’s faulty and I want the money back.”

Me: “I’m sorry but a gift card is all I can offer you as it was a gift and you do not have any proof of purchase.”

Customer: “Do you have a manager I could speak to?”

(I agree to get the store manager and she approaches a couple of minutes later. The manager approaches the woman and my manager assesses the coat.)

Manager: “As this tear looks like it has been caused by something catching on the coat. We can’t class this as a faulty purchase.”

Customer: “It’s faulty! I got it like that. I know my rights!”

Manager: “I’m sorry but all I can offer you is the gift card, and I don’t actually have to do that as it is not a fault made by the company. As [My Name] has said, without any proof of purchase I cannot give you any money back.”

(The back and forth arguing between my manager and the customer lasted for around five minutes and eventually the woman realised she wouldn’t be getting anywhere and grudgingly accepted the gift card. My manager stayed close by as I proceeded with the transaction. One thing to note about all of our clothes and items is that they all have unique numbers when we scan them and so we can track every purchase made. The coat had all the tags taken off but the actual clothes tag that’s stitched in still had a barcode that I was able to scan. Much to my surprise, the coat was flagged up as never having been purchased at any store and it seemed now it had been stolen. I called over my manager who allowed me to continue despite this, as the gift card would have to be spent in store anyway. Alongside this, without the proof of purchase I was only able to offer the sale price as a return. She did come back to complain about that but I had gone on break by then. We speculated that the coat must have been stolen and they put the tear in to try and claim it faulty so they could essentially get free cash! Chancers.)

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