Not Going To Give Them Any Credit

, , , , , | Working | October 19, 2018

(I have just turned eighteen, and I am out in a mall department store when a couple of sales people walk up to me with a large box of makeup and skincare samples.)

Sales #1: “Hi there! Would you be interested in signing up for a [Store] rewards card?”

Me: “Not really. I don’t shop here much.”

Sales #2: “Are you sure? If you sign up for this rewards card, you get this box of samples for free now!”

(I spot a couple things I wouldn’t mind trying in the box, and figure there’s no harm in getting it.)

Me: “Well, okay. Just to clarify, though, this isn’t a credit card, right?”

Sales #1: “Oh, no no no! Just a rewards card.”

(I start signing up. The pin pad screen then asks for my drivers’ license.)

Me: “Hold on. This isn’t a credit card, is it?”

Sales #2: “No, no, just rewards. It’s just easier to get information from your license than from asking you to spell everything out.”

(I keep going. The PIN pad then asks for my social security number.)

Me: “I’m just making totally sure; I am not signing up for a credit card, am I?”

Sales #1: “No, don’t worry! It’s not a credit card.”

(I finish the application.)

Sales #2: “Okay, you’ll find out whether you got the card in seven to ten business days. Thank you so much!”

(She bags the sample box and hands it to me with a big grin, and I continue on my way. A week later, an envelope from [Store] credit services arrives at my house.)

Me: “What the h***?”

(I opened and read it, and found out that I had been approved for the [Store] credit card, and the card itself was enclosed. I immediately called the number on the letter and cancelled the card. I really wish I had thought to call the store and complain about those dishonest sales clerks.)

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A Google Street View Of Justice

, , , , | Legal | October 18, 2018

I work for a multimedia department of a bigger software company; I am a UI designer for small apps and websites. I also do a bit of programming and scripting; it’s nothing too fancy, but good enough to create a nice presentation.

I am asked to create a program showing some locations on maps provided by our client. In short, I create an extremely basic version of Google Maps. In beta while waiting for the real maps, I start with a map of a non-existing country with very weird city names. It will appear if you type a very specific phrase in the search bar. After beta-testing, I find it too clever and funny to remove it — and it is not offending at all, just silly.

Later, my department is dissolved during a major reorganisation. It is a very big mess, and our client smells an opportunity to save some money. He actually claims we never created the program. The company has lost all track of us creating it during the reorganisation, so months later my old manager calls me at my new job to ask if I can remember creating the app.

Even on the phone I can hear her grin from ear to ear when I tell her how she can bring up this childish easter-egg country nobody knows about but me. Since it is already a court case, you could say the weird map is a pretty awesome silent witness.

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The Stupid Can Filter Both Sides Of The Border

, , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(I have left the front counter with a coworker to deal with paperwork in the office. My coworker comes back to the office.)

Coworker: “Um… A customer came in and ordered a shake, and left his money on the counter.”

(Going up front, I find a Canadian bill on the counter.)

Customer: *returning from the bathroom* “Where’s my shake?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t accept Canadian currency.”

Customer: “So, what are you going to give me, since you won’t accept my money?”

Me: “Water.”

(We give the customer a cup for water and he walks out in a huff.)

Coworker: *to me* “He was trying to get something.”

Me: “We’re kind of far from the border; does he not realized he’s crossed it?”

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Very Artistic Plagiarism

, , , , , | Learning | October 16, 2018

(While I am enrolled in university, I do art commissions on the side. Another student at the university contacts me to do a painting for him, and we meet in a common area. He’s got a poster roll with him, which I initially don’t think odd. After introductions, we get to business, and I’m pleasantly surprised to see he’s already got a good idea of how large he wants the piece to be, some of the blocking, even a bit of the style. Then we hit a snag:)

Student: “…and I don’t want you overcharging me for supplies, so I bought them for you.”

(This isn’t itself unusual, even if rudely stated. Plenty of my prior customers had specific paint colors in mind, and bought them for me in advance. I look over the paints and canvas, and I’m relieved to find they’re quality — I’d been worried he had bought basic poster paint and cardboard.)

Me: “Well, this should be more than enough, yes. I can definitely discount you for them.”

Student: “Discount?”

Me: “Yes. From your description, I won’t even need all the paint, so I can return the leftovers, or buy them off you if I find them intriguing.”

Student: “Why only a discount? I bought everything you need!”

(He’s getting more than huffy at this point, almost pouting.)

Me: “I do need a little bit more than this, but most of it’s going to be due to how much time I need to complete the work. Don’t worry; my rates are [reasonable price for my skill and the complexity of the piece].”

Student: “But I bought everything! Why should I pay more on top of that?”

Me: “Because you didn’t buy any of it from me? I’ve still got my own bills to pay, too.”

(He snatches back the materials.)

Student: “You’re just being greedy! I already put out [slightly high price for the quality of the paints and canvas]; that should be enough!”

Me: “If you’ve got a budget, you might want to hit up some of the first-year students. I know that one of the professors assigns work very similar to your request, so they may be willing to do it for you in exchange for the materials.”

(He walked off at this point, swearing under his breath. I was surprised someone who knew enough to outline the commission so well would also try to talk his way out of paying for it, but I forgot him for a while. Later on, I found out that not only did he commission one of the professor’s first-year students, like I suggested, he himself was one. He’d tried to buy someone else’s work, pass it off as his own, and got called out by the professor when she noticed he’d tried to sign the piece over the real artist’s signature. This plagiarism counted as cheating, and he was expelled.)

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A Sure Bet That This Is A Scam

, , , | Right | October 13, 2018

(I’m working at the till in a bookies. Customers write bets on paper with carbon copy and we stamp them in the till when they pay. We keep the original and they keep the copy. After each race, the manager marks up the winners and files them so the counter staff can find them when the customer brings up the winning docket. We have computers to check all results and odds, etc. One of our regulars is a complete gambling addict and is constantly trying to scam us. She bets on the dog races every morning. For this type of race, people typically bet on the trap number rather than the dog name; a bet that just says “three €2” is a perfectly valid bet for €2 on the dog in trap three winning the next race after the till timestamp. This customer keeps all her old dockets, and if trap three wins in a different race later on, she will try to pass it off as a winning docket, so we have to double-check everything she does. One day she decides to try a new scam. She hands me docket for trap number five. I look through the winning dockets; it’s not there. I call up the results.)

Me: “This isn’t a winner.”

Customer: “It is; number three.”

Me: “This says number five.”

Customer: *shouting* “It’s number three.”

Me: “That’s number five.”

(By this stage the manager has found her original docket and brings it over. It clearly says “five.” The manager holds the docket up to the glass.)

Manager: “What does that say? What does it say?”

Customer: “That’s how I write my threes!”

Manager: “Get out; you’re barred!”

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