Tricks Of The Tramway

, , , | Legal | October 27, 2018

(I am sitting in the tram, on my way home. A young man enters the tram.)

Young Man: “Excuse me, can I ask something? I lost my phone and I was sitting here before. Did you see something?”

Me: “No, I didn’t, but I could’ve missed it. Let me get up for you.”

Young Man: “No, no! That’s absolutely not needed!”

Me: “It’s okay; I need to get off soon, anyway.”

(The young man looks uneasy, as if he didn’t expect me to get up. I also notice he has a phone in his hand. Still, I step aside and the young man starts looking.)

Young Man: “Eh… I could’ve been sitting over there… Thanks, anyway.”

(The young man walked away and got off the next stop. At the next stop he apparently saw someone he knew, as the two nodded at each other. I decided to remain standing; I needed to get off the next stop, anyway. I then thought, “Wait, how does he even know this is the same tram? Wouldn’t you get on on the opposite direction, then?” At home I checked my things and everything was accounted for. Still, I decides to send a message to the tram company. They then informed me they would send my description through to security. It was most likely a trick to either pick my pockets or bag, or even try to scan my bank card — it has a chip so you don’t have to swipe it, but can hold it close to the machine, instead. He also could’ve asked me to use my phone to call his, to see if we could hear it, so he could snatch the phone from my hands, or follow me with his friend to ambush me and steal it. I am now very glad I stepped aside so he couldn’t reach my bag, that I always keep my bag closed, and that I have so much junk in there that scanning would be very difficult. Plus, I have a phone that doesn’t even have Internet.)


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Dell-ete This Number

, , , | Working | October 27, 2018

(My son answers our home phone, listens for a moment, and informs me it’s something about a virus. I know what’s coming, so I take the phone from him.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, I’m calling today because our system has detected a virus on your Microsoft computer.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not good. Which one?”

Caller: “Your Microsoft computer.”

Me: “Yes, which one?”

Caller: “The one that runs Microsoft.”

Me: “We have three computers; they all run Microsoft.”

Caller: “You are asking the brand of computer?”

Me: “Yes”

Caller: “That would be your Dell.”

Me: “Ooh… Swing and a miss. Goodbye.”

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Thou Shalt Not Steal Pizza

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2018

(I work at a pizza buffet restaurant. A family of about five comes in. The father talks to my manager, who is helping them as I’m doing something else.)

Father: “I have already eaten, so I’m only paying for the wife and kids.”

(I also overhear him ask:)

Father: “Is it okay for me to take a bite of salad?”

(My manager doesn’t seem to hear him, and he just goes about paying and they sit down to eat. After a while my manager catches him eating some salad and informs him that he cannot eat unless he pays, and he seems understanding. He is seen doing it again, and my manager informs him again, but this time he gets upset and comes up to the counter. The following conversation ensues:)

Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

Father: “Yeah, your manager is being stupid. Let me get a buffet.”

Me: “No problem, sir. Is that with a drink?”

Father: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

(He pulls out a silver metallic card with a Bible scripture on it — being Christian this gets me a bit upset. He tells me to swipe it.)

Me: “Well, sir, this has no chip in it, and I’m sure it won’t go through.”

Father: “No, no, that’s that silver card, bro. Swipe it.”

(I humor him and swipe it. Obviously, it doesn’t work, and I inform him of that.)

Father: “It didn’t go through, right?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Father: “So, I guess I don’t have to pay for it huh?”

(He walked off and went to sit back down at his table. I informed my manager of what happened and asked them to keep on eye on him. A few minutes later he told his family that they were leaving, and he made a scene as they left. He came in a minute later, grabbed two slices of pizza, and walked out. Apparently what he had eaten before didn’t fill him up, but he just didn’t want to pay.)

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You’re One Of The Reasons I Need A Holiday So Badly

, , , , | Working | October 26, 2018

(I work for a major supermarket. Normally, I get along with all my colleagues and am always happy to do them favours, like swapping shifts, provided I am not doing anything. However, one colleague has a habit of seeing last-minute holiday deals and then booking them before she checks she can have the time off. Then, if management tells her too many people are off, she tries to bully other staff into cancelling their holiday. Sadly, many buckle and give in to her. This time around, I have a week off in the same week she wants, and a manager has the other free week off. She knows she can’t bully the manager, so while I am on break she comes up to me.)

Colleague: “Oh, hey, [My Name], you’re on holiday in a few weeks, right?

(I nod, knowing where this is going.)

Colleague: “Oh, well, I just booked this beautiful holiday in the Maldives. Beautiful resort. Great bargain. The kids are so excited. The trouble is, management said they can’t give me the time off because you’re off. Would you cancel your holiday?”

Me: “No.”

Colleague: “No? What do you mean, ‘no’? You’re not going anywhere; you never go anywhere. What difference does it make if you take your holiday time another week?”

Me: “I actually have plans—”

Colleague: “Yeah, probably sleeping! That’s not ‘plans.’ You are so selfish, after all the favours I have done for you.”

Me: “You’ve never done me any favours. I’ve swapped several shifts for you over the years, including New Years because you said you wanted to spend time with your kids, but every time I ask to swap a shift with you, you always refuse.”

Colleague: “Well, you don’t have kids! It doesn’t matter when you take holiday. My kids are so excited about this holiday! You’re going to upset them! And I’ve already paid my deposit; I’ll lose it if I cancel now.”

Me: “Maybe you should have checked you could have the time off before you booked the holiday.”

Colleague: “You are such a selfish b****! What are you doing that is so important that you won’t give up your holiday time?”

Me: “I’m going to my cousin’s wedding.”

Colleague: “What, for a whole week? That’s bulls***!”

Me: “Actually, I’m planning to spend most of the week catching up with my family up there. I haven’t seen them in years.”

Colleague: “Well, it’s just a cousin. They’re not important, and if you haven’t seen them in years, that’s your fault. You could see them anytime. I need that holiday week more than you.”

(She continued to piss and moan, calling me selfish, demanding I cancel my holiday. She tried to guilt me into submission by reminding me her kids were so excited, how upset they would be if they couldn’t go, how I was going to make them cry, and how they hadn’t had a holiday like this in years, which was an utter lie. Having had enough of her, I got up and walked away, because if I didn’t I was going to lose my temper. However, I immediately put in a complaint to HR and to the duty manager. The manager had a word with her and told her she can’t make people cancel their holiday. She claimed she had just asked me nicely and I took it the wrong way and the complaint went no further, though my colleague did at least stop bugging me. Fast forward several weeks. I returned to work after my holiday and found no trace of my colleague. Usually, as soon as anyone who refused to cancel got back from holiday, she would waste no time in trying to make them feel bad. I soon learned that my colleague was fired. Turns out that she called in sick the week I was on holiday. The managers got suspicious, as this was the exact week she wanted off. They did some digging, where they saw pictures on her Facebook account that proved she went ahead and went on holiday, anyway, so she was immediately dismissed.)

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When It’s A Steal, Not A Bargain

, , , , | Related | October 26, 2018

(We are out at a family dinner, and we happen to be near my uncle’s office. He is reminiscing about a sandwich shop he used to visit for lunches.)

Uncle: “They used to have the best bread! Used to have a salad bar, too; I’d use the cucumber slices and make the plate bigger, get twice as much salad. You do that, and get a water glass and fill it with soda, and it’d be a good meal. They used to give out those punch cards, you know, to buy four sandwiches and get the fifth free? I’d take them off my coworkers’ trays and just copy the other punches to fill out the cards. It was such good food. I wonder why they went out of business?”

Cousin: “Because of theft, probably.”

Uncle: “They were robbed? When?”

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