Best Not To Pursue This Younique Vector

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 24, 2020

After several years of not being in contact, a friend from college messages me on social media.

Friend: “Hey, girl! How’s it going?”

Me: “I’m good. How are you?”

Friend: “I’m great. Hey, listen. I just partnered with this great company and I obviously thought of you right away. I’d love to schedule with you sometime to tell you more.”

Me: “What is it?”

Friend: “Oh, it’s a lot of info to go over via text. What about lunch tomorrow?”

Me: “I don’t know. What’s the company’s name?”

Friend: “I’ll tell you all about it when we see each other.”

Me: “You can’t even tell me what the company is? This sounds weird… like, pyramid-scheme weird.”

Friend: “Oh, no, I’d never do that to you!”

Me: “How did you get involved?”

Friend: “Oh, [Her Friend] told me.”

Me: “What made you think of me?”

Friend: “Like I said, it’s a lot. Can you meet?”

Me: “Not unless you tell me the company’s name.”

Friend: “Why is that so important? Don’t you trust me?”

Me: “We haven’t spoken in at least eight years. You came out of the blue saying you have something to show me but you can’t tell me anything about it. Why should I do this?”

Friend: “Because it’s a great opportunity!”

Me: “Then tell me the company’s name!”

Friend: “Look. Just meet with me. I’ll explain everything.”

Me: “No, thanks. Good luck with your mystery business.”

Friend: “All right. Your loss!”

She blocked me.

I found out through a few mutual friends that she was trying to sell a popular pyramid scheme company. Not sure how she’s making out with it, but I hope she’s found a less shady way to make money.

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They Need Some Human Temperament Classes

, , , | Right | April 23, 2020

Our store has a designated area for dog training classes. Only staff and students in the current class are allowed in the arena. I am finishing up on register when I see a couple take a dog in the arena and begin training. I leave the register and walk in, closing the door behind me. 

Man: “Occupied!”

Me: “I hate to do this to you, but you can’t train in here.”

Man: “Oh, it’s okay.”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry. This space is for store-run training classes only.”

The man waves to his dog.

Man: “I am training!”

Woman: “Mind your business!”

Me: “Maybe I misspoke. You may only use this space if you are enrolled in a training class with our trainer, during the time of your class.”

Man: “No. I talked to your trainer.”

Me: “Oh?”

Man: “He said it was fine.”

Woman: “Yeah!”

Me: “How strange.”

Man: “Why?”

Me: “It’s been a long time since I’ve been confused for a man.”

Man: “What the f***?”

Me: “And I certainly don’t remember you asking to use my space.”

The couple stopped and looked at me and then at each other. They grabbed their dog and stormed out, shouting for a manager. The manager explained our policy and backed me up, much to the frustration of the couple. They demanded a free large bag of dog food and a $100 gift card for their trouble, which she also refused.

On their way out, the man gave me the middle finger and the woman told me to go f*** myself. I smiled and waved.

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Someone Obviously Never Calls Mom

, , , , , | Right | April 23, 2020

Most retailers have a policy that returns should have a receipt, and they have “loyalty cards” that link to purchases made and specific time limits for returns. I work for a retailer that does this. Two teen boys come to the counter.

Male Teen #1: “I’d like to return these items. My mom bought the wrong thing.”

He shows me two containers of very expensive acne remedy. They cost $15.00 each. They’re out of their original box — if they had one — and don’t appear to be something we carry now. I certainly don’t remember selling it recently. I start the return process.

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Male Teen #1: “No.”  

Me: “Do you have your Mom’s loyalty card?”

Male Teen #1: “No”. 

Male Teen #2: “But I have a card!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we must have the original card it was purchased with.”  

I turn to [Male Teen #1].

Me: “What’s your mom’s phone number?”

Male Teen #1: “I don’t know.”

I void the transaction. This is a trigger for more investigation. I call my manager to approve the void. There’s no way I can process this one.

Me: “This young man would like to return these items, but he has no receipt and no card and he doesn’t know his mother’s phone number.” 

The boys step back from the counter, and the manager goes off with the products in hand. After a few minutes, he comes back. He’s done some research.

Manager: “I’m sorry, but we haven’t sold any of this product in over three months.”

Somehow, the boys didn’t seem surprised. They left without so much as a protest and without any money. Next time, know your own mother’s phone number!

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Good Students Can Get Away With Murder

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 23, 2020

It is a Sunday afternoon when a friend in my A-Level Politics class asks me how many pages long the essay due on Monday is supposed to be. I panic at this point, as I’ve completely forgotten that there even is an essay due.

I get the pertinent details from another classmate and start working on the essay. By late evening, I realise that I’m not going to get it finished in time. However, I will be able to write a little more than the first page. 

I write this, print it, and take the first page to school. In the class, I hand it in to the teacher in a plastic wallet. That evening, I finish up the essay, print the full document, and take that in on Tuesday. Before classes start, my politics teacher finds me and lets me know I only handed in the first page.

Feigning ignorance and concern, I apologise and say I can print it off again and give it to him at break. At break, I go to the Humanities office and hand over the completed document.

And that’s the story of how I managed to give myself a day’s extension on an essay. Thankfully, I had a reputation as a good and conscientious student, which probably gave me the benefit of the doubt in the teacher’s eyes, but I never risked that gambit again!

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Policy Exists For A Reason

, , , , | Legal | April 22, 2020

I am a trainee for a well-known book retailer. It is company policy not to change notes. Three women walk into the store.

Woman #1: “Hi. I like your hair! I work just down the street and was hoping you could change £200 into £10 notes.”

She gets out £200 in fake £20 notes.

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. Besides, we don’t even have £200 in our tills.”

[Woman #1] thumbs through her “money.”

Woman #1: “Okay, what about £100?”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: “I’m afraid we can’t do that at all.”

Woman #1: “Okay.”

The next day, I was informed by my manager that after the women left our store, they drove up to one of our sister stores in the next town and pulled the same trick, but this time they got their money.

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