First Come, First Served: It Doesn’t Take Brain Cancer To Understand

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2019

(I have gotten sick. It was suspected to be a brain tumor, but it later turns out to be an inner ear infection. My mother and I are at a store; she’s standing in line and I’m standing back looking at a display.)

Mother: “We should move up ahead in the line!”

Cashier: “We can’t do that, unfortunately.”

Mother: “My daughter has a brain tumor! You’re discriminating!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. It’s first come, first served.”

Me: *comes up behind her and steps on her foot*

Mother: “But she—OW!”

Me: “It’s a friggin’ inner ear infection, not brain cancer. Quit lying to do that.”

Other People: *staring*

Cashier: “Thank you!”

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No ID-ea How Much Trouble They’re In  

, , , , , | Right | August 9, 2019

(I work in a liquor store. A girl enters who I recognise as being part of a group of 16- and 17-year-olds that hangs around the area.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Can I have a bottle of that vodka?”

Me: “Okay, can I see some proof of age?”

(She hands me a valid UK driving license, but noting that she has a different facial structure and hair colour to the picture, I question her on the details on “her” card.)

Me: “Can I ask your date of birth?”

Customer #1:Mine?

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer #1: “27th of February.”

(The ID I am holding says 2nd of August.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not going to be able to serve you, or give you this ID back.”

Customer #1: “You have to; it’s not your property!”

Me: “It doesn’t appear to be yours, either.”

Customer #1: “I’m calling the police!” *storms out*

Me: “Have a good evening…”

(Fifteen minutes pass and I am aware she is still outside the shop as customers comment on her erratic behavior as they enter. She comes back in a few times to insult me while still on the phone. She re-enters a final time.)

Customer #1: “The police are coming! So, are you going to give me my ID?”

Me: “I cannot return this ID to anyone but its rightful owner, and then they need another form of valid ID. You can tell them they have a week to pick it up here before it is sent to the police.”

Customer #1: “You’re stealing my ID; that’s theft!”

(A second customer introduces himself, stating he has witnessed everything.)

Customer #2: “Hi. I’m a police officer.” *shows his police ID* “And I’m not on duty, but I think you should leave the store now.”

Customer #1: “But he’s stolen my ID. Bouncers don’t take my ID at clubs!”

Customer #2: “Well, they should.”

Customer #1: “Fine! My mom’s a police officer; I’ll get her to come down here.”

Customer #2: “My advice to you is that you don’t do that.”

Customer #1: “She always backs me up and she knows I’ve got this ID!”

(The police officer and I glance at each other, realising the girl has just implicated her mother, a police officer, as an accessory to identity fraud.)

Customer #2: “My advice to you is that if your mother were to come down here, and if she did, in fact, know about this ID, she would certainly lose her job.”

([Customer #1] storms out in a huff.)

Me: “Thanks, man.”

Customer #2: “Oh, no problem. I saw the whole thing. You did well to stay calm.”

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The World’s Least Fun Game Of Tag

, , , , , | Right | August 9, 2019

Customer: “So, I have these two swim cover-ups, and you guys forgot to take the security tags off.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that! I can get those off for you, but if I could see a receipt, that usually makes security happy.”

Customer: “No, but I swear to God I bought them here.”

(I take the swimsuit cover-ups out. They have no tags, but the security devices are similar to ours. However, the brands are not two I recognize.)

Me: “Are you sure you got them here? These don’t look familiar to me.”

Customer: “Yes, some girlfriends and I were shopping for our cruise a few months ago, so I bought them right here on clearance. They were only, like, fifteen dollars.”

Me: “We didn’t have swimsuits or cover-ups a few months ago, especially not on clearance. We just moved swim back up here from downstairs last week. We’re at [Retail Chain]; are you sure you didn’t mean to park outside [Other Two Anchor Chains]?”

Customer: “No, I bought it here. Right up here, in that corner over there. I bought them right here. I swear to God, I did, I bought them right here. They weren’t that much money.”

Me: “Okay, but my computer isn’t even showing that we carry these brands. So I’m just going to call a manager, okay?”

Customer: “Do whatever, but I need those tags off. I’m going on a cruise and I need them today. I don’t have time for this.”

(The manager comes and hears the whole story, and we have security Google who carries the brands. They are a [Different Retail Chain, not in our mall] exclusive brand.)

Manager: “So, you really will have to go over there and get these off. See?” *shows her on her phone that they aren’t our brand* “I’m afraid it isn’t our policy to remove other people’s security tags.”

Customer: “I didn’t buy them there! I’ve never gone there! I bought them here; I always buy things here. I swear to God they were on clearance. I bought them right here. I don’t know why you won’t believe me.”

Me: “Well, the problem with that is that I’m here 40 hours a week, every week. We did not have swim up here a few months ago; it was downstairs. We did not have any clearance, and those brands are [Different Retail Chain] exclusives, meaning we don’t carry them, we can’t carry them, and we never carried them. So, we can’t take off the security tags because they aren’t our merchandise. I don’t know else I can say this.”

Customer: “You are wrong. You are both wrong. I swear to God! I got them here!”

(My manager ends up taking them off and the customer leaves.)

Manager: “I didn’t really see how else we were going to solve that situation, so security said to just let it go.”

Me: “Well, if she did steal them, we know it wasn’t from us.”

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They Shouldn’t Leave Their Windows Open

, , , , , , | Right | August 8, 2019

I work as the assistant manager at a popular Canadian electronics store. We sell, among other things, laptop computers and subscriptions to antivirus programs. All of our laptops and desktops come with a free 30-day trial of a certain antivirus software. 

My store manager calls me to the cash to assist with a French-speaking couple who are clearly angry. My manager does not speak French, so I have to explain what happened after they left. 

It turns out the couple bought a laptop last night along with a subscription to an antivirus program and a few other odds and ends. As they were setting it up, they received a scam call from “Microsoft Support,” who then charged them well over $200 to remove the existing 30-day free subscription and install the new one they had purchased. It seems this individual led the couple to believe that we scammed them into buying the subscription since the laptop already came with it, apparently not telling them they would have had to buy it anyway after 30 days and telling them we were just trying to take advantage of them to increase our sales commission.

I try to explain that they were scammed but not by us. They insist they spoke to Microsoft, and no matter how I explain that Microsoft would never call them or ask for money they aren’t having it.

The couple is now demanding a full refund on their used subscription which I cannot do, and as they leave, they give me a big smile and inform me that their son and grandson work at [local French radio station] and that we will be out of business within the week.

We never hear anything and never see the couple again. We do hear that the radio station has begun making announcements warning people of these phone scams and providing a number where they can be reported. I feel bad for that couple and I’m sure they are embarrassed to realize they have been had.

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Sweet Scam Sixteen

, , , , , | Legal | August 7, 2019

(Normally, when I get a call from a number I don’t recognise, I ignore it, but today I answer one impulsively.)

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello, we can see from our records that you’ve recently had a car accident.”

Me: “Oh, really? That’s hilarious.”

Scammer: “Pardon?”

Me: “That’s hilarious.”

(I’m sixteen years old, and in the UK the legal driving age is seventeen. I’m not licensed because I legally am not allowed to drive on the roads, so clearly this is a scam.)

Scammer: “I don’t—”

Me: “You do realize that this is a non-driver?”

Scammer: “We can see that you’ve had a car accident recently.”

Me: “Do you understand that you’re talking to a non-driver?”

(This goes back and forth for a few minutes.)

Scammer: “But we can see you’ve had an accident from your records!”

Me: “And what records are these? If I don’t drive and am not licensed, how can I be on record?”

Scammer: “But—”

Me: “You’re clearly phishing. I want you to take me off this list; you’ve obtained my number illegally, and I now want you to delete it.”

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