Raising A Spicy Little One

, , , , , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(I am running a sample table at a store, serving an artichoke dip. A young girl around 12 and her mother walk up to my stand.)

Me: “Hello! Would you like to try some artichoke dip? We are serving it with some really good crackers today.”

Young Girl: “Is it hot?”

Me: “Oh, no, we serve this cold.”

Young Girl: *rolling her eyes* “I mean is it hot, hot. Like spicy.”

Me: “No, it’s not. It’s just cream cheese, artichoke hearts, and some different seasonings.” *there is really nothing even remotely spicy in any of the ingredients*

Young Girl: *grabs a sample, barely licks it with the end of her tongue, screams, and throws the sample on the floor* “That is so hot! You liar! Liar!”

Mother: “How dare you hurt my baby?! I’m going to report you! You should have a sign that warns people when food is spicy!”

Me: “Sorry, but it’s really just cream cheese and artichokes. We do give warnings when something has anything spicy in it.”

Mother: “Are you calling my daughter a liar?”

Random Customer: “I am. Your daughter is a brat. Stop giving this lady a hard time and control your kid. This is not remotely spicy. Has she never eaten food before or something?”

Mother: “How dare you?! I’m going to report you, too!”

Random Customer: “You want to report a fellow customer? Let me know how that works out for you. I’ll be standing here ready to tell the manager exactly what really happened if you try to report this lady.”

(The mother took her daughter and stormed away, throwing another sample on the ground in the process. To my knowledge, she never reported me.)


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A Pie In The Sky Plan For A Refund

, , , , , , | Right | July 4, 2018

(I am the cashier in this situation. An older lady, probably about 60 or so, comes to my register when I am about to block it off and go to lunch. Since she only has one item, I let her come through my line, and put up the chain at the end of my lane. We are well-known for our fresh-made pies in the bakery, and this customer has a pie box with an obviously empty and cleaned pie tin inside.)

Me: “What can I help you with, ma’am?”

Customer: “I bought one of your apple pies here last week for a dinner party and it was horrible! You must’ve used spoiled apples or something!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Is the pie expired?”

(I check the tag and find that its expiration date is three weeks away.)

Customer: “Yes, don’t you see? It’s expired, and I want my money back, and a free replacement.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am, but the pie isn’t expired.”

Customer: “Well, it must have been; it was terrible!”

Me: “Where is the rest of the pie?”

(Normally, customers bring in their half-eaten food to show us the problem.)

Customer: “Oh, my husband and I ate it.”

Me: “The whole pie?”

Customer: “Yes. I couldn’t let the pie go to waste, could I?”

Scams From Beyond The Grave

, , , | Legal | July 4, 2018

(We just got back to my grandfather’s house from burying my grandmother. The phone rings and I answer. A man is on the other end, and in my emotional exhaustion I don’t understand, so I ask him to repeat. He is calling to notify us that we won several thousand dollars. Since it’s not my house, I ask for the exact winner, even though I suspect a scam.)

Caller: “Oh, [Grandmother] won.”

(Now I know it’s a scam, and even though I’m annoyed I try to stay polite.)

Me: “Sir, this is not funny. We just finished burying her; she died a week ago. Please don’t call again.”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “She is dead. I find this rude and disrespectful.”

Caller: “Are you her daughter?”

Me: “No, her granddaughter, and please do not call here again.”

Caller “Would you like her winnings? I just need your name.”

(Now I’m getting mad.)

Me: “Oh, really? How did she win?”

Caller: “By paying her bills on time and shopping at her favourite shops—”

(I start laughing.)

Caller: “What is so funny?”

Me: “She has been in a home for five years with dementia and hasn’t known who I am for over three years. How the h*** did she go shopping?!”

(The man hangs up on me. Thinking that is the end I try not to alert my grandfather and the rest of the family so they don’t get upset. About ten minutes later the phone rings again and I grab the phone. Sadly my grandfather hears it ring this time and also comes over.)

Caller: “Do you know who this is?”

Me: “The man I spoke to about ten minutes ago.”

Caller: “Are you ready to accept your money now?”

Grandfather: “Who is it?”

Me: “Sir, as I told you this is rude and disrespectful. This is a scam; please leave us alone.”

Grandfather: “Who is it?”

Caller: “Would the man I hear be interested?”

(Now I don’t care.)

Me: “Hold on. I’ll ask.”

(I do not cover the mouthpiece so he can hear:)

Me: “The man on the line says Grandma won several thousand dollars; I told him of her death and is now offering the money to anyone who wants it.”

Grandfather: *grabs the phone* “How dare you?! She is dead! This is a scam! Never call back again!”

(His voice was shaking with anger as he slammed the phone down. I honestly would not have been angry if, when I told him of her death, he said sorry and left it at that, but him trying to continue the scam has caused me to lose faith in humanity.)

The Needs Of The Good Customers Outweigh The Needs Of The Bad

, , , , , , , | Right | July 2, 2018

(I’m shopping at a well-known pharmacy that’s part of a global chain. I’m there picking up some toilet paper to bring home, something that should take five minutes. When I go up to the front to pay I notice there is only one register open, with about five people in line. At the only open register are two employees dealing with a customer holding a mountain of coupons and about fifteen items. I overhear the following conversation.)

Customer: “Well, just so you know, it is [Store]’s policy, so you two have to follow it.”

Assistant Manager: “Actually, ma’am, it is not.”

Customer: “You’re not the manager, are you?”

Assistant Manager: “No, but I’m the assistant manager, and therefore am acting manager right now, since the manager isn’t in.”

Customer: “Ah, well, that’s why you don’t understand. The manager usually will help me out and honor this deal.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, she can’t do that. The machine just beeped to inform us that this deal isn’t valid, so there’s no way we can allow it.”

Customer: “Oh, yes, you can. The manager always allows me to do this, because it’s store policy.”

Assistant Manager: “The computers are set up by our corporate office, so if they won’t allow it, then there’s a good chance it isn’t company policy.”

Customer: “Well, normally she will just override the computer and allow the transaction to go through.”

(The line has grown to ten people, and the assistant manager has been forced to open up another register to quell the line, since the original woman has not moved. The assistant manager helps an older woman with about ten items fairly quickly, and then calls for the next customer to come up. It becomes very clear, very quickly, that the older woman is the original customer’s mother, as she continues to stand around, blocking the rest of us from reaching the register, despite the cashier’s multiple attempts to get her to move. All the while the original customer is still complaining to the cashier about her deal.)

Customer: “Fine. I’ll allow you to do the transaction regularly, but only if I can bring my receipt in once the manager is back and have her fix it and give me the difference.”

Cashier: “I can’t guarantee that, but you can definitely bring it back and try.”

Customer: “Okay, then. I have several coupons for the items I still have in my cart.”

(The entire process essentially repeats itself, as it is becoming apparent that none of the “coupons” this woman has are valid. I look over her shoulder and see that the woman’s stack of “coupons” actually appears to be the smaller detachable portion of her past receipts that she has brought in, believing they will give her some sort of discount.  I’ve worked for a chain store before. Some stores have a link to a survey on the bottom of their receipts; if you take the survey, you can get a discount on your next purchase. I then realize this woman has taken her past several receipts and attempted to do this multiple times to get multiple discounts off the same purchase, which is not allowed. It clearly states, “One coupon code per visit,” on each receipt.  Finally, the woman’s mother decides to move out of the way so the rest of us can check out and go on with our days. The assistant manager completes all our transactions in record time and sends us all off with a smile.)

Assistant Manager: “I apologize for the long wait. I hope you weren’t standing here for too long.”

Me: “It’s okay; I understand.”

(Now that I’m finally at the register, I am able to confirm that the woman is indeed attempting to use multiple — I count 25 — receipt coupons on her one transaction. Knowing each receipt only takes off 5%, I can only imagine the woman is attempting to use one per item in her cart… Saving her less than $5 on her transaction. The assistant manager finishes my $5 transaction and I hand her a $20.)

Assistant Manager: “All right, and your change is $15.”

Me: “Keep it. They don’t pay you enough to deal with crazies.”

(She smiled at me and I could see a small tear in her eye. I left the store smiling, even as the crazy woman at the first register screamed obscenities at me about how she was so offended and how “her friend” the manager would be hearing about this when she came back in to get her deal. I went in about a week later and was immediately recognized by the assistant manager, who flagged me over and informed me that woman is now banned from the store for the scene she caused after I left. The best part? The manager came over and thanked me for ridding their store of the crazy lady who claimed to know HIM.)


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Opening Pandora’s Coupon Box

, , , , , | Right | June 29, 2018

(I’m working the service desk counter.)

Customer: “Hi, I have a question.”

Me: “All right, what’s that?”

Customer: “Well, I was on self-checkout, and I noticed the machine printed this coupon for the shampoo and conditioner I had just bought. I was wondering if I could have used it.”

Me: “Oh, those coupons are for your next transaction.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, the machine prints off coupons based on your shopping history, or what you’re currently going to buy.”

Customer: “So, if I would have noticed it earlier, I could have used it?”

Me: “Well, we can’t stop you, but we’d hope you wouldn’t, since those are meant for your next transaction, not your current one.”

Customer: “But, it printed the coupon during my order!”

Me: “Yeah, but, it’s for your next transaction.”

(She stormed off after that. Maybe this is why we shouldn’t have a self-scan. Too many “self” scammers.)

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