Their Scam Is Small Fry, Part 2

, , , , | Right | August 22, 2020

I am on the headset at a fast food restaurant when a customer comes in with her bag of food, looking very angry.

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. I just came through the drive-thru and got these fries and they gave me food poisoning. I’d like to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Of course, let me go get him.”

I get the manager and he follows me to the front counter.

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “You need to throw out that whole bag of fries. They gave me food poisoning.”

Manager: “When did you get the fries?”

Customer: “Twenty minutes ago. I want my money back.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I assure you that our fries are fine.”

Customer: “So why am I sick, then? Are you saying that I’m not sick?”

Manager: “Okay. May I see your receipt?”

The customer hands him the receipt.

Manager: “You got the fries with a discount card. They were free.”

Customer: “I want the money back for my sandwich.”

Manager: “What’s wrong with the sandwich?”

Customer: “After being food poisoned by the fries, it spoiled my appetite.”

The manager finally gives in and gives the customer her money back. She then orders another sandwich and stands at the front counter while she quickly eats it.

Other Employee: “May I help you?”

Customer: “I’m just going to stand here and finish my food to make sure I don’t get food poisoning again.”

Their Scam Is Small Fry

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Edit Yourself Out Of This Narrative

, , , , , , | Working | August 20, 2020

I’m a freelance writer and editor, so I’m always interested in new projects. I had an ongoing contract with a client for around a year, working alongside another freelancer. The other guy and I got on well, and when the project ended, he said he was getting busy with work and could use some help from me if I was up for it.

It sounded like a no-brainer — regular work and reporting to someone I already knew I worked well with.  

After the first week, he said there’d been some problems and he’d had bad feedback from the client. It had taken him as long again as I’d spent working to fix the issues. Obviously, I was mortified. I apologised profusely and said that, of course, I wouldn’t invoice him if what I’d done hadn’t been up to scratch and had actually caused him more work. I really wasn’t sure what I’d done so wrong but had no reason to doubt him.

The second week, the work was for a different client. As well as writing, it involved uploading to an online portal. As far as I could tell, I’d followed the previous examples to the letter, but the guy came back and said I’d done it all wrong and it would take him several hours to sort it out.

Hmm. Now I was getting suspicious. Again, though, I felt I couldn’t invoice him for the time I’d spent.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt one final time and agreed to do some more work the following week. Yet again, there was some issue he said he had to spend ages sorting out afterward.

I decided to go back and check what had been published online against my original work, look at publishing settings, and so on. I couldn’t see any changes.

Not wanting to burn bridges — this guy and I are both members of several online groups and forums, and he could affect my chances of getting other work — I chose not to confront him. But I told him I’d suddenly landed some more work myself and would be too busy to help him after all.

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Just Play Solitaire And Say, “Mmhm,” Periodically

, , , , , , | Working | August 16, 2020

Since I started working remotely, my boss has implemented morning meetings via video chat. Everything he goes over in the meetings is sent out in an email right before, so it’s kind of a waste of time. Still, we met while we worked in the office — without the email sent out — so we meet from home. 

Boss: “Okay! Everybody is here.”

He reads from the email, pausing after each point to allow for questions and comments.

About fifteen minutes into the meeting:

Coworker: “Hey, [Boss], I gotta go. My kids are fighting.”

Boss: “Okay, just finish the email and touch base when you can.”

[Coworker] signs off.

Boss: “Right, so as we were…”

This continues every day for a week and a half; my coworker’s kids always start fighting or someone is at the door or something happens that [Coworker] has to go. [Boss] starts to get suspicious and begins asking different employees about [Coworker]. The next meeting goes as follows:

About fifteen minutes in:

Boss: “So, we should try—”

Coworker: “Hey, [Boss], look, I gotta go. The dog is at the door and—”

Boss: “I didn’t hear a dog.”

Coworker: “Yeah, my mic must have been muted. Look, I gotta go.”

Boss: *Sternly* “[Coworker]. You don’t have a dog, do you?”

Coworker: “Um…”

Boss: “Or kids.”

Coworker: “Well, I—”

Boss: “Sit down.”

He stared at the screen for a while before continuing with the meeting. I knew he wasn’t looking at me and I still wanted to squirm. I don’t know if anything else happened between the two of them, but my coworker hasn’t tried to get out of a meeting since.

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Totally Estúpido! Part 13

, , , | Right | August 14, 2020

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name] and I am from [Survey Company]. We are currently conducting a survey about [topic]. Is it okay if I ask you a couple of questions?”

Person: *In Spanish* “Sorry, I don’t speak Swedish.”

Me: *In Spanish* “That’s okay; I’m half Spanish and know the language. We can do the survey in Spanish, too.”

Person: *Mumbling in Spanish* “Oh. Uh. I don’t… I don’t speak very well English, either. Have a nice day!” *Click*

My boss has been listening to the call.

Boss: “Did they just…?”

Me: *Laughing* “Yes. Yes, they did.”

Totally Estupido, Part 12
Totally Estupido, Part 11
Totally Estupido, Part 10
Totally Estupido, Part 9
Totally Estupido, Part 8

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Smile! You’re On Quick-Change Camera!

, , , | Legal | August 11, 2020

We have just installed new security in our store thanks to years of people trying to pull money change scams on us. This is, literally, the first customer I get the day after installation.

Customer: “I gave you a twenty. You owe me more change.”

Me: “No, you gave me a ten.”

Customer: “No, I gave you a d*** twenty! Check your register.”

Me: “Well, good news! We just installed cameras that can see what bills have been put in or taken out. I can go check that right now to see if you’re right, but I should warn you that it is company policy to call the police if you are found to be trying to scam us. Want me to go check the tapes?”

Customer: “You know what? Forget it. I’m never shopping here again!”

And he left! I love these new cameras.

This story is part of our Best Of August 2020 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2020 story!

Read the Best Of August 2020 roundup!

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