Mismanaged Your Time

, , , , , | Working | September 13, 2017

(One summer, I do an internship at a popular independent radio station. We have gotten an interview with the lead singer of a reasonably popular British rock band. However, the band’s manager is a bit of a pain to deal with, and has a tonne of demands in regards to content that he is always changing. The DJ tells me this is the norm in this business, but this guy is just obnoxious. Each time he calls, he acts like he is doing us the world’s biggest favour. Not long before the interview, he calls the umpteenth time.)

Band Manager: “Now, listen here. [Singer] has a VERY busy day today, and you cannot keep him on the line a minute longer than necessary. Got it?”

Me: “Oh, yes, there’s nothing to worry about. [DJ] should be done in under 15 minutes.”

Band Manager: “There are to be no personal question about him or the band; is that clear?! He isn’t here to answer silly questions”

Me: “Don’t worry; we have a bunch of questions about the new album coming out, and that’s all we’re concerned with.”

Band Manager: “Make sure you do.”

(With that, he just hangs up. The interview goes very well, and the singer seems pleased with the questions the DJ asks about the new album.)

DJ: “Thanks so much for joining us, [Singer]; I hear today’s a busy one for you.”

Singer: “Oh, not really. I’ve been just chilling and playing [Video Game] today. I’ll probably stroll down to [Bakery] in a bit. Easy day.” *chuckles*

(The DJ and I were both fighting hard not laugh at this point, since this guy basically revealed his manager was lying. We could imagine the embarrassed look on the manager’s face when he said that. That was the only time we had this band on our show; we think the manager was too embarrassed after that one.)

Those Scammers Need To Run For The Happy Hills

, , , , | Working | September 7, 2017

(My parents are, unfortunately, the ripe age for being picked on by scammers. Some of these scammers can be obvious. Others… not so much. This one was sent via email to my mom one summer’s eve. Please note that I can’t remember the exact lettering of the first email, as it is very official looking and contains a lot of legal jargon. Therefore, I’m shortening this submission, to keep it short and simple.)

Email: “Dear [Name], We have received information regarding a lawsuit against you. If you do not comply to relinquish [amount] by Friday, we will be forced to alert the proper authority! Sincerely, [Official-Sounding Legal Office].”

(This sounds a little fishy. I know where my family is financially and we aren’t exactly lawbreakers. We decide to respond, regardless.)

Me: “What are the charges, may I ask?”

Email: “Give [amount] to our company and we won’t call the cops.”

(Okay… maybe a different approach was needed to get some information?)

Me: “Listen. You say you have information. We are legally obligated to ask what charges you have. Also, we’d like proof that we are the people that you’re after.”

Email: *provides specific information about my parents, but still refuses to list the charges*

Me: “Okay, could you please send us a legal document regarding the matter, a police report or some sort of report regarding how much we owe?”

Email: *sends document*

(This… document… makes me fall out of my chair from laughing. It is very official looking; my mom and I are actually a little shaken… until we see the name of the location and the seal on the document. It reads, plain and simple, “Law Offices of Happy Hills County.” No state, no city, no name of clientele. The seal? A crappy attempt at [Popular Coffee Shop]’s logo, done in black and white, and made to look like a stamp.)

Me: *shaking while typing* “Really? ‘Happy Hills?’ Mind if I ask where that is, who your client is, and most importantly, what the charges are?!”

Email: “Just give us the money, or we’re calling the cops.”

(This was the only email I recall completely. They’d dropped the whole legal act, and now just sent a threat. My mom called the police on the matter and was told not to worry about it. It turns out that that particular scam had been called in a lot. On top of that, after their “threatening” email, the scammers never did message us again, nor did the cops show up at our door regarding the matter.)

Loyalty Is Not Its Own Reward

, , , | Right | September 7, 2017

(We offer loyalty cards where customers collect points for hot beverages and bread. Twelve points equal one free beverage/bread. In addition to that, all transactions on those cards are counted. From time to time, the computer will choose that a transaction will be free for the customer, if a card is used and has enough transactions on it. We have no influence on those decisions, and cannot see or calculate when the next one will be free. My customer is a sweet old lady, who has taken almost five minutes to check the prices of the sandwiches we offer.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll take a small coffee and one of those cheese sandwiches, please.”

Me: “Sure! That will be [amount]. Do you have a loyalty card with us?”

(I put her coffee and sandwich on the tray before her and take her money and card. When I slide her card, the register tells me this transaction will be free.)

Me: “Oh, seems like I don’t need your money today! Both will be on the house today, because we would like to thank you for your loyalty with us!”

Customer: “Oh! Okay, can I take a [more expensive sandwich] instead, then?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t; it’s already in the register.”

Customer: “Oh, no problem. But I said egg, not cheese!” *The sandwich with eggs is more expensive than cheese.*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll switch that out for you!”

(I do so, and the customer happily goes her way.)

Me: *to the next customer* “Did she really say egg? I could swear she said cheese.”

Next Customer: “She said cheese. Some people just can’t get enough…”

You’ve Been Brandied A Problem Customer

, , , , , | Right | September 4, 2017

(I work at a small local store that specializes in multiple types of gourmet booze [which basically translates to any brand and type you wouldn’t find in a normal grocery store]. One day I get that customer we all know and love: a barely 20-something-year-old with no ID, who can’t understand why we won’t sell any booze to him. He gets verbal, but after my manager steps in and basically tells him to either produce ID or talk to the police, the guy leaves. Fast forward to my shift the next day.)

Customer: “Bottle of [Expensive Brandy] please.”

(I look up and am taken aback to see it’s the same guy again.)

Me: “Do you have your ID this time?”

Customer: “It’s in my car. What do you mean ‘this time’?”

Me: “Sir, we went over this yesterday. If we think you’re underage, we need to see your ID.”

Customer: “…D*** it, I didn’t think you were smart enough to remember me!”

(He storms out and my shift continues without further drama. Fast forward to next weekend and…)

Customer: “Hey, you got any [Same Expensive Brandy] in?”

(Yep, same guy, except this time he’s wearing a hat that’s pulled down low to shadow his face.)

Me: “That depends; do you have your ID with you this time?”

Customer: “I’ve never been in here before!”

Me: “Sir, you spoke to me less than seven days ago.”

Customer: “…you still remember that?”

Me: “It’s hard to forget you when you keep coming in here and trying the same thing, over and over again. Not to mention that, even if I didn’t, the rules aren’t going to change. You want your brandy, you need ID.”

(More cursing and swearing as the guy stormed out again. Later on the store owner got a complaint letter saying he needed to fire the “smart-a**es who keep ruining everyone’s weekend.”)

Are Jew Crazy?!

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2017

(A waiter has called me out, as there is a couple refusing to pay.)

Me: “What appears to be the problem?”

Customer: “Our waiter isn’t Jewish, and I have it on good authority that I am not permitted to accept service from non-Jewish persons.”

Me: “Did you ask if she was Jewish?”

Customer: “I did.”

(I look at the waiter and she taps her watch.)

Me: “When?”

Customer: “Does it matter?”

Me: “It doesn’t, but I’m trying to decide whether you willfully ordered knowing my waiter wasn’t Jewish, or it was an afterthought, in which case you should have noted with us that you preferred a Jewish waiter. Either way, you’re paying, or I will be getting the police involved.”

(She opens her mouth, but her husband interrupts and offers to pay with his card. I take him over to our card reader.)

Customer’s Husband: “Sorry about that. She’s full of herself.”

Me: “That’s quite all right. I didn’t even know that was a Jewish custom.”

Husband: “She doesn’t either.”

Me: “She doesn’t?”

Husband: “Like I said, she’s full of herself. She isn’t Jewish and hasn’t claimed to be before today…”

Me: *speechless*

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