How To Audit Yourself

, , , , , , , | Working | February 20, 2018

(I’m at work when I get the following email from a coworker who doesn’t like me. I think her dislike is because I answer to a supervisor that she doesn’t have in her pocket. She also copies my supervisor in on the email.)

Coworker: “Please review this document and correct the errors made. [Supervisor], if this is going to be a recurring issue, may I suggest [My Name] undergo additional training?”

Supervisor: *in a separate IM to me* “Don’t answer that. Something isn’t right here.”

(While I admit I do on occasion make a few errors, for me to have done this, I would’ve had to go into a completely different system than the one I use and purposely change the information, as I couldn’t have done it the way it was showing from my system. A few minutes later, I get copied on an email from my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “I’ve reviewed the document, and noticed that the error was not one [My Name] could’ve mistakenly made. I checked the audit trail, and it seems that you were the last one to edit this document.”

(I never heard back about that one.)

We Have No Space For Callers Like You

, , , , , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(I am working in a call center.)

Me: “Sir, that email address is [address]. They will be able to assist you from there.”

Customer: “Are there any spaces in that email? I want to make sure it goes through.”

Me: “No, sir. There are no spaces.”

Customer: “Great. I’ll send the email right now!”

(I take two more calls and the next one is the first caller again.)

Customer: “Yeah, some idiot told me there were spaces in an email, and it didn’t go through. I want to speak with your manager; this is unacceptable.”

Me: “Sir, you were speaking with me, and I told you there were no spaces.”

Customer: “I didn’t expect to get you again!” *click*

You Can’t Be Banking On Bad Checks

, , , , , | Right | February 19, 2018

(A woman comes up to the register using a cane and wearing a visor, huge dark sunglasses, and, strangely enough, a really big tag on a string around her neck with a handwritten name on it.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Yes, I did. You know, my great-grandson was good friends with [Store Founder]. They went fishing together all the time on [Store Founder]’s old fishing boat.”

(As I ring her items, she continues to tell me about their fishing trips, the types of lures they use, the time they caught a really big fish, and so on. As I near the end of the transaction, she stops.)

Customer: “Just so you know, if my check doesn’t go through, just call [Bank], and they’ll tell you to send it through.”

Me: “Well, I can try, but if it doesn’t work on our machine, that won’t help much.”

Customer: *she doesn’t seem to have been listening; she digs out her driver’s license to show me* “Y’know, there’s a reason I always wear my sunglasses. A lot of people get suspicious, but it’s a medical issue.”

(Her explanation is so long-winded that I don’t remember everything she said. I’m a little suspicious by this point, but the picture on the license looks like the same woman and has the same name as the big writing on her makeshift name tag, so there isn’t much I can do. But by this point, my assistant manager is hovering around the register, too, also seeming a little cautious. The customer gives me a strange-looking, dark brown check after the transaction is finished. I attempt to run the check through, and it doesn’t work.)

Me: “Okay, sometimes it—”

Customer: “So, just call the bank.”

Me: “Ma’am, even if we call the bank, it won’t make a difference if our machine doesn’t read it. But let me try scanning it again; sometimes it doesn’t work the first time or even the first two times.”

(I scan the check again and, sure enough, it doesn’t go through.)

Customer: “Just call the bank. This happens all the time.”

(My manager steps in at this point and tries to explain the same thing I did, then has me try turning the check around, upside-down, and just about every way I can think of to try to get it to scan through.)

Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t just call the bank!”

(My manager examines the check and sees that it’s an unusual type of check, where the routing number is, for some reason, split up into two. She tries typing it in manually, but it still doesn’t work.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but your check just isn’t going through. Do you have another method of payment?”

Customer: “CALL [BANK]!”

Manager: *finally had enough by now* “We can’t call the bank. Like we told you, even if the bank authorizes it, our machine won’t run it. The bank isn’t in charge of our machines. You need to use another way to pay.”

(The customer finally gives up at this point and, with an exasperated sigh, takes some of her items off the transaction and pulls out cash instead.)

Customer: “I can’t believe my checks can’t go through your system. My great-grandson and [Store Founder] would be so ashamed!” *she quickly finishes paying, gathers up her items, and leaves.*

(My manager and I both agree that this was all pretty suspicious. We weren’t sure if she was trying to pull the wool over us, or if she’s really just had this much bad luck in the past.)

You Want Time Off, Here’s Plenty

, , , , , | Working | February 18, 2018

Worker: “I need a couple of days off. My best friend’s step-cousin’s great aunt died yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Were you close?”

Worker: “No. I never met her.”

Me: “Why would you need time off, then?”

Worker: “Because I’m really upset.”

Me: “But you never met her.”

Worker: “So? There was a really nice Facebook post about her, and I think I would’ve liked her. I’ve been crying all morning.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there really isn’t much I can do. Bereavement is for close family only. If you need to take sick leave for mental health issues, that’s fine.”

Worker: “I don’t need sick leave. I need bereavement.”

(She then left work without telling anyone, and missed the rest of that week. She had some new tattoos and piercings when she came back, which was a breach of one of our policies, which states that you have to notify us if you are getting body modifications. It’s a stupid policy, but it is what it is. She was dragged into Human Resources and dismissed before the day was over. She tried to appeal the decision, citing discrimination. It didn’t work.)

They Totally Mismanaged That, Part 2

, , , , , , | Working | February 16, 2018

(We hire a seasonal worker who is in high school. She only works weekends, yet after only three weeks she gets promoted to product co-manager because she knows higher-ups. She comes into the store a few times, very smug about her promotion. She often shoves her work onto us, as she doesn’t believe it is worth her time. For example, she refuses to take out garbage even though all the tills are full and the garbage is overflowing. Even the DM takes out the garbage sometimes so it isn’t unreasonable. However, because she isn’t actually in the store that often, she doesn’t always know the answer to questions customers have even though she’ll pretend to.)

Customer: “How much does fudge cost?”

Product Co-Manager: “Oh, it’s like $10.”

Me: “Actually, it’s $5.99, and we’re having a buy-one-get-one deal.”

Product Co-Manager: “Right, so it’s around $10. Don’t you have somewhere else to be, [My Name]?”

Customer: “Actually, can I ask you a few more questions?”

Product Co-Manager: “Sure!”

Customer: “Oh… I meant her.” *meaning me*

(The product co-manager glares at me and storms away. A few days later, my manager pulls me into the back room.)

Manager: “We got an anonymous customer complaint about you.”

Me: “What?”

Manager: “They said you were rude, and would always send them to other people because you were too busy on your phone.”

Me: “When?”

Manager: “Tuesday at eight.”

Me: “[Manager], I called in sick this Tuesday. It couldn’t have been me.”

Manager: “Really?”

(My manager looked up the records and saw that I called in sick Tuesday and Wednesday, and wasn’t scheduled Monday. There was no way that complaint was about me. They sent back an email asking to verify the employee they were complaining about. The next day I saw my manager yelling at the product co-manager in the back room. It turns out the product co-manager sent an anonymous complaint about me to get me written up or moved. My manager saw her email open on her phone, and she had the email the company sent to the “anonymous customer.” The product co-manager was fired immediately.)

They Totally Mismanaged That

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