Not That Nuts About You Lying To Me

, , , , , | Right | April 22, 2019

(Our chocolate crepes are made with an organic version of Nutella, and are labelled as a “hazelnut spread.”)

Customer: “I want a hazelnut crepe, but don’t put the caramelized pecans on it; I’m allergic to nuts!”

Me: “I’m not making you a crepe with hazelnut spread, which contains nuts, if you just told me you’re allergic to nuts.”

Customer: “Oh, it’ll be fine. I’m not that allergic.”

Me: “Nope. The spread contains pecans. You’re allergic to pecans. It’s not happening.”

Customer: “Fine. I just don’t like pecans. Now can you make me my crepe?”

(Never works. No one’s going to the hospital while I’m the chef there.)

If The Shoe Fits, Rip Off Its Tags

, , , , | Right | April 22, 2019

(A customer brings a bunch of things from clearance to my register, but hands me three pairs of shoes first. They’re the same brand, same sizes, and the same type of shoe, but different colors: a bright coral, an off-white, and a simple brown. The coral and white shoes are marked at $6.00 each on their boxes, but the brown shoes have no box nor a tag.)

Customer: *before I can say hello* “What are the prices for these shoes?”

(I take the time to examine them to make sure the box matches the shoe, since I’ve caught customers switching boxes to get a cheaper price, but sure enough, the shoes match the boxes and I ring them up.)

Me: “The coral and white shoes are $6 each. Let me check the brown ones—“

Customer: “They’re $6, right?”

Me: “I can’t say for sure; it doesn’t have a tag or a UPC.”

Customer: “But they’re the same shoes!”

Me: “I know, but they’re different colors, and they might be different prices.”

(I call my coworker from the shoe department over, and she examines the shoes.)

Coworker: “That’s weird… I could have sworn there was a tag on these shoes. I’ll go check if it maybe fell off in the clearance section—“

Customer: “It’s $6, right?”

Coworker: “I can’t say. I need to look for the price first.”

(I ring up all the customer’s things while we awkwardly wait. My coworker calls my manager to see if she can look it up at customer service, but since it’s been on clearance for a while we can’t find it anywhere.)

Me: *sighs* “Manager, can I just put the style code in and put it in for $6? They are the same shoe, just different colors.”

Manager: *a little hesitant, but she agrees* “Okay. We did the best we can do, but we’ll have to give it for that price since we can’t find the actual one.”

Customer: *gleeful* “$6?”

Me: “Yeah, since we can’t find the price tag. I’m so sorry for the wait.”

(I realize the customer is short a few bucks to take advantage of a sale, so I let her know, and she quickly leaves the register with her things still on my counter, unpurchased. It’s a slow day and there aren’t any customers, so I didn’t mind waiting a few minutes. My coworker in the shoe department takes the customer’s now empty cart to wheel it away when she stops and pulls something out. It’s the tag for those brown shoes, torn off and left at the bottom. It says it’s on clearance, but for $15.)

Coworker: “Uh, [Manager]?”

Manager: *sees the tag* “Ooh, that stinker!”

Coworker: *to me* “Did she buy the shoes already?”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: “You’re going to have to tell her that we can’t sell her the shoes for that price since we found the tag.” *shakes her head in disappointment* “She knew what she was doing.”

(The customer comes back, and sure enough, that gleeful smile falls when she realizes we found the torn-off tag at the bottom of her cart and we explain that it’s $15.)

Customer: “But they’re the same shoe!”

Manager: “Yes, but they’re different colors, so sometimes they’re different prices.”

Customer: *stares at the shoes forlornly, like she is giving up her firstborn child* “I don’t want them, then.”

(The stupid part in all this was that, had this lady been honest and asked if we could just honor the shoes for the cheaper price, we would have done it. But because she wanted to be sneaky and dishonest about it, she didn’t get it for that price. Lesson learned, hopefully.)

They Should Write A Movie About This

, , , | Legal | April 21, 2019

I had been applying for film jobs online and received an email from one of the companies. They wanted to hire me as a PA, and they said they would pay for my expenses to fly to the film set and hotel and stuff like that. They also said they’d send me a check for $2500, but I had to send some of it back to them for some reason — taxes or something like that.

Now, you’re probably thinking, “SCAM! SCAM!” You would be right, but I was very young and naive when this happened so I happily received the check and dutifully tried to deposit it in the self-service machine, but it wouldn’t let me.

I asked for help from one of the tellers, and she tried to help me with the machine, but it still wouldn’t work — because the check was fake, although I still hadn’t figured that out. She tried to look it up in the system and she said it wasn’t coming up so she couldn’t deposit it.

At this point, I should have figured it out… but I didn’t. So, I went to another branch of the bank and tried again. They tried to deposit it and even took my fingerprint and everything, but they couldn’t deposit it, either, because they couldn’t find it in the system.

I kept bouncing back and forth from branch to branch, trying to cash it, but none of them were having it. Finally, something snapped in my little brain and I decided to Google it, and lo and behold: SCAM.

I tried to go back to the first branch to explain that I had realized the check was fake and to apologize, but when I got there they had gotten their boss and said they couldn’t serve me at that branch anymore.

So, basically, I got banned from my own bank because I was a dumba**.

The Couponator 14: Multiple Attack

, , , , , | Right | April 18, 2019

(Customers have been offered a coupon that takes 30% off one purchase made today, with some emailed as printable coupons. A customer, who regularly tries to annoy and harass our cashiers into exceeding our coupon limits, is on her third such coupon of the day.)

Customer: “Okay, and I have coupons for that.”

(She hands me two physical coupons, and then presents the 30% coupon on her phone.)

Me: “You need to print that coupon out to use it.”

Customer: “No, I don’t. The barcode is right here.”

Me: “Yes, you do. When I scan a coupon, I need to actually have the coupon to turn it in.”

(I point to where the coupon states, “Print to use in store.”)

Customer: “Yeah, well, look at the line below that!”

(The line she is pointing to is a code to use the coupon for online purchases.)

Me: “I can’t do anything with that. This isn’t online.”

Customer: “Ugh, then just forget it. I don’t want that.”

(I cancel the sale and return the coupons she actually had.)

Customer: “I don’t understand why you always have to give me a hard time.”

Me: “Because I don’t want to get fired.”

Customer: “Well, we’ll see about that after I call this 1-800 number.”

(The customer stalks out with her earlier purchases. Several minutes later, she comes back inside.)

Customer: “I am buying that, anyway.”

(I begin ringing the sale again when she suddenly sneers.)

Customer: “By the way, you forgot to give me my coupons back.”

(As she says this, she’s handing me two coupons — the exact same two I apparently didn’t return.)

Me: “I… couldn’t possibly have forgotten.”

The Couponator 13: Coupons Of Purchases Past
The Couponator 12: The Special Competition
The Couponator 11: Barcode Of Duty

This Is Not The Stroller Of Sam

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2019

(I work at a theme park. We rent out strollers, and we make everyone sign a waiver before renting them out, as they get a deposit back.)

Man: “I’m here to return our stroller.”

Me: “Excellent. What’s the name on the waiver?”

Man: “Sam.”

(I look through the waivers and find his stroller number, but the name on the waiver is Sanmanpreet, not Sam.)

Me: “Is it just Sam?”

Man: “Yes.”

Me: “On the waiver it says a different name.”

Man: “Sanman?”

Me: “Not that, either, sorry.”

Man: “It’s just a d*** name!”

Me: “It’s for security reasons, sir.”

Man: “You know what? Just take the d*** stroller! Forget it!”

(My coworkers and I believe someone else gave him the stroller — which happens: people sell the stroller once they’re done with it and then the person they sold it to will get to use the stroller for the rest of the day — and didn’t think to tell him their full name.)

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