Teenage Drug Dealers Can’t Afford To Be Touchy

, , , , , | Legal | April 26, 2020

I’m a police officer in a small town with a lot of wealthy individuals. I have just finished breaking up a drug deal and have arrested a fifteen-year-old dealer with eight grams of cocaine and we’re waiting for his father to show up.

Kid: “Man, you better let me go. My dad’s a lawyer and there’s no way you have a case.”

Officer: “Listen, kid, just wait for your dad to show up before you say something stupid. Now, turn around if you want those cuffs off.”

The officer goes to uncuff the kid who suddenly violently breaks off.

Kid: “What the f***?! Get your hands off my balls!”

Me: “He didn’t even touch you yet.”

Kid: “Oh, yeah? Well, who’s the judge gonna believe? You two idiots or my dad?” 

Me: “I’m pretty sure they’ll believe that camera.”

I point to one at the end of the hall pointed at him.

Me: “Or that one.”

I point to one literally just above him.

Kid: “Well, f*** you! You’re nothing but a bunch of podunk pigs!”

It took another thirty minutes for his father to show up, the little drug dealer screaming and cursing the whole while. Luckily, his dad didn’t see it as such a clear-cut case of innocence and took a plea deal forcing his son into a house arrest with rehab and weekly drug tests, as well as freezing access to his trust fund. He also apologized to the department and said if his son ever ended up here again, he would cut him out of the family will.

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Three Free Days

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2020

Before I tell this story, I will admit that I knowingly took advantage of an employee’s mistake, in the form of a loophole I found completely by accident.

I pre-ordered tickets for a four-day-long outdoor festival, and naturally, I printed the receipt at home, with barcodes for all four days of the festival. These tickets were non-refundable if any day of the festival was cancelled due to poor weather. The pre-order tickets cost exactly the same as if you bought tickets at the gate on all four days of the festival, with the only difference being that the single-day tickets purchased at the gates could be refunded if that day of the festival was cancelled.

The first day of the festival ended up being cancelled about thirty minutes after the festivities started. Despite knowing that the pre-order tickets were non-refundable, I decided to ask a cashier for a refund since I had paid exactly the same price for my day-one ticket as everyone who had purchased their ticket at the gate that day. The cashier ended up agreeing with me and agreed to refund the cost of my day-one ticket.

When I looked at my bank account that night to see if the refund had actually gone through, I realized that I had been refunded the entire cost of my tickets for all four days of the festival. I tried calling the festival organizers the next morning to point out their mistake, but nobody answered the phone.

Day two, the weather was perfect. I went to the festival and decided to bring my pre-printed tickets along just to see what would happen if I tried to show them at the gate. To my surprise, the barcode still worked! The barcodes for days three and four also worked!

In the end, I got to go to all three remaining days of the festival for free by showing the pre-printed tickets that had been refunded but not invalidated. I do feel slightly guilty about it, but not enough to do anything more than write this story.

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All These Emails Took More Effort Than A Refund Would Have

, , , , , , , | Working | April 24, 2020

(I do a lot of my shopping online from [Big Retailer]. They have started using third-party sellers like [Online Retailer] does. I order a 1500LM spotlight. When it is delivered I get a 500LM lantern. [Big Retailer] says to contact the third-party company for a refund. From the emails, it slowly becomes obvious this company is very shady.)

Me: “I was sent the wrong item and would like a refund.”

Company: “Thanks for your email and sorry for the inconvenience.

We are the third party on [Big Retailer]. Sorry, could you please kindly tell us how we can help you? Please don’t worry; we will provide solutions as you wish after we confirm the problem. We wish your kindly understanding and wait for your reply.


Me: “The spotlight I ordered didn’t come. I got a lantern of some kind that isn’t even a flashlight.”

Company: “Thanks for your letter.

Please don’t worry. Your request will be accepted. But could you kindly describe the problem in detail?

Have you received the item you ordered? Or have you received the wrong item? We will give you a response as soon as possible. Looking forward to your letter. Have a nice day.

Best regards.”

Me: “I did not receive the item I ordered. The wrong item was delivered. I don’t want a replacement. I want a refund. If you will email me a return address label I will gladly send the item back.”

Company: “Thanks for your letter and sorry for this inconvenience.

Please don’t worry; we will provide a good solution for you.

But could you kindly provide us a picture of the received item and the SKU label on the product packaging?

Looking forward to your letter. Have a nice day.

Best regards.”

Me: “Here are pictures of the box. There is no SKU label on the box that I see.”

Company: “Thanks for your letter. Please don’t worry.

The item you received is the same as advertised.

You could take it out and check if it is workable.

If you have any other problems, please feel free to contact us. Have a nice day.

Best regards.”

Me: “No. The item is not as described. Not at all. Here are the two pictures side by side. The first pic is what I ordered. The second is what I received. Not the same thing. Not sure what the problem is but it’s not the same and I want a refund ASAP.”

Company: “Thanks for your calling and sorry for this inconvenience.

Please don’t worry; we will provide a good solution for you. But could you kindly provide us the picture of the received item and the SKU label on the product packaging? Looking forward to your letter. Have a nice day.

Best regards.”

Me: “I’ve already done this. I sent the email with the pictures of what I received and somebody emailed me back saying it was what I ordered. It was not. Sure, here are the pictures again. It is not the same thing and I want a refund ASAP. Best regards to you. Better when you refund my money.”

(I call [Big Retailer] customer service and read them all these emails. They refund my money. Then, I get another email.)

Company: “Thanks for your letter.

Could you kindly check if it is workable? If it is still workable, we would like to provide you a $3 refund as compensation. Looking forward to your letter. Have a nice day.

Best regards.”

Me: “You should have to send a full refund, not a $3 refund as compensation for something you did wrong! I have settled this matter with [Big Retailer]. I will add my online review to the many other negative reviews of your company.”

Company: “Thanks for your letter and sorry for this inconvenience.

We would like to provide you a $13 refund.

And you could keep the item.

Could you accept it?

Looking forward to your letter. Have a nice day.

Best regards.”

(I send another email. Here is proof that there is no way a person is reading these emails.)

Me: “Your offer is $13? Let me think about it. I think… no deal! As a struggling actor, I need all the breaks that I can get.

Looking forward to your letter. Not really.

Regards and Liberty Biberty to you.”

Company: “Thanks for your letter.

We have arranged a full refund to you. And you don’t need to return the item. It usually takes about three to five business days for the refund to appear on your credit/debit card. If you still haven’t received the refund that time, please ensure that five to seven business days have passed from the time that the refund was initiated. If you have any other problems, please feel free to contact us. Have a nice day.

Best regards.”

(I have my doubts they have any intention of sending a refund.)

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Best Not To Pursue This Younique Vector

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 24, 2020

After several years of not being in contact, a friend from college messages me on social media.

Friend: “Hey, girl! How’s it going?”

Me: “I’m good. How are you?”

Friend: “I’m great. Hey, listen. I just partnered with this great company and I obviously thought of you right away. I’d love to schedule with you sometime to tell you more.”

Me: “What is it?”

Friend: “Oh, it’s a lot of info to go over via text. What about lunch tomorrow?”

Me: “I don’t know. What’s the company’s name?”

Friend: “I’ll tell you all about it when we see each other.”

Me: “You can’t even tell me what the company is? This sounds weird… like, pyramid-scheme weird.”

Friend: “Oh, no, I’d never do that to you!”

Me: “How did you get involved?”

Friend: “Oh, [Her Friend] told me.”

Me: “What made you think of me?”

Friend: “Like I said, it’s a lot. Can you meet?”

Me: “Not unless you tell me the company’s name.”

Friend: “Why is that so important? Don’t you trust me?”

Me: “We haven’t spoken in at least eight years. You came out of the blue saying you have something to show me but you can’t tell me anything about it. Why should I do this?”

Friend: “Because it’s a great opportunity!”

Me: “Then tell me the company’s name!”

Friend: “Look. Just meet with me. I’ll explain everything.”

Me: “No, thanks. Good luck with your mystery business.”

Friend: “All right. Your loss!”

She blocked me.

I found out through a few mutual friends that she was trying to sell a popular pyramid scheme company. Not sure how she’s making out with it, but I hope she’s found a less shady way to make money.

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They Need Some Human Temperament Classes

, , , | Right | April 23, 2020

Our store has a designated area for dog training classes. Only staff and students in the current class are allowed in the arena. I am finishing up on register when I see a couple take a dog in the arena and begin training. I leave the register and walk in, closing the door behind me. 

Man: “Occupied!”

Me: “I hate to do this to you, but you can’t train in here.”

Man: “Oh, it’s okay.”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry. This space is for store-run training classes only.”

The man waves to his dog.

Man: “I am training!”

Woman: “Mind your business!”

Me: “Maybe I misspoke. You may only use this space if you are enrolled in a training class with our trainer, during the time of your class.”

Man: “No. I talked to your trainer.”

Me: “Oh?”

Man: “He said it was fine.”

Woman: “Yeah!”

Me: “How strange.”

Man: “Why?”

Me: “It’s been a long time since I’ve been confused for a man.”

Man: “What the f***?”

Me: “And I certainly don’t remember you asking to use my space.”

The couple stopped and looked at me and then at each other. They grabbed their dog and stormed out, shouting for a manager. The manager explained our policy and backed me up, much to the frustration of the couple. They demanded a free large bag of dog food and a $100 gift card for their trouble, which she also refused.

On their way out, the man gave me the middle finger and the woman told me to go f*** myself. I smiled and waved.

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