Outsmarted By A Five- Or Six-Year-Old

, , , , , , | Right | April 30, 2020

I am stocking an aisle in the grocery store. Our store has a small cafe where children aged five and under eat for free. I overhear a mother talking to her young son.

Mother: “Remember, [Son], we’re pretending you’re five, okay?”

Son: “But, Mommy, I’m six!”

Mother: “Yes, but let’s pretend, okay?”

Son: “Does this mean I don’t need to go to school tomorrow?”

Mother: “What? No! Of course, you need to go to school.”

Son: “But six-year-olds go to school. Five-year-olds stay home and play!”

Mother: “Well, tomorrow, you’ll be six.”

Son: “So, tomorrow is my birthday?!”

Mother: “What? No—”

Son: “Yay! Presents!”

She paid for his meal.

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It Is Soda-pressing What People Will Try To Cheat Out Of You

, , , | Right | April 29, 2020

It is lunchtime so we are pretty busy, but the wait isn’t horrible. A couple comes in and sees the chaos but decides to order anyway. As I’m counting their change, they demand a cup because they “had to wait.” Since I don’t respond immediately because of counting, the man repeats his demand.

Me: “Yes, sir, I’ll be sure to get you a water cup. But I have to get my coworker to make it back here because water doesn’t work in the lobby.” *Shifts focus* “Hey, [Coworker], can you make this gentleman a medium water?”

I go back to doing orders, but they complain that their water didn’t magically appear. I simply walk over and make his water for him and gladly hand it over!

As I am helping a different customer, I see the couple hide behind a wall for a moment. Then, the customer comes marching up to my till and shows me the nastiest ring on the top of the cup, demanding a new one. I do exactly as before; I walk over to make him a new one! My line is getting bigger and I’m getting tired of his playing, but before I even press the button the woman starts complaining!

Female Customer: “CAN’T YOU JUST GIVE US CUPS WITH ICE?!”

Me: “You know what? Here—” *hands them cups* “—get your free soda.” 

I knew from the beginning what they were trying to do. Who orders a whole meal and doesn’t get drinks? And immediately demanding one over a normal waiting time? Disappearing behind a wall to spread sludge all on the top I know for a FACT was not there? And just for what? A. Dollar. Freaking. Soda. Congratulations, cheapskate.

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Sounds Like He Might Be An Expert In That Particular Field

, , , , | Working | April 28, 2020

(I have brought my car in for a service. I am told when booking that if I come in an hour before opening, my car will be ready by 12:00 pm for me to go to work. It is 11:45 and the receptionist comes up to me.)

Receptionist: “They’re just doing our free, complimentary health check. You should get your car back by 1:30.”

Me: “What? No, that isn’t what was agreed. And I specifically asked to be opted out of the health check when I booked.”

Receptionist: “You can’t opt out of the free, complimentary health check.”

Me: “Yes. I can. The email confirmation actually states it.”

(I pull up the email on my phone and she reads it. She excuses herself and runs through a staff-only door. I hear a lot of shouting and then two men in coveralls storm up to me.)

Mechanic: “You can’t opt out of the health check!”

Me: “Yes, I can. My email says so.”

Mechanic: “I don’t f****** care. You will get your car back when I’m finished, and you had better show me the proper respect or it will take longer.”

Me: “Sorry, but aren’t you meant to be servicing my car?”

Mechanic: “YES!”

Me: “Why would it need a health check, then? Isn’t the service the health check?”

(He stares at me, stumped, for a few seconds.)

Me: “Exactly. It was agreed that my car would be ready by 12:00 pm. I expect it to be ready by 12:00 pm. Is that understood?”

(He blushes and then storms back through the door. I’m finally given my keys at 12:30, with apologies from the manager.)

Manager: “I hope this hasn’t damaged your trust in us.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid it has.”

(I get an email on my phone and I quickly open it. A video plays instantly of an inspection the mechanic has done. It is playing quite loudly, with him screaming at me for being stupid and gay for owning “a pathetic piece of s*** car.” The manager is going pale as the video plays on. It finally ends with the mechanic lowering my car a little rougher than he should and him saying, “Oops, that sounds like your suspension.”)

Me: “You know what, I’m not sorry. I’ll be taking my ‘pathetic piece of s*** car’ and never coming back!”

(As I walked out, I heard the mechanic through the door exclaiming in shock that I was still there. I got a letter a couple of weeks later apologising for unacceptable behaviour and damage intentionally done to my car, with assurances that the mechanic was appropriately handled. I was also offered several free services as compensation. I would have considered using them, but I heard from a friend who also uses said garage that the mechanic is still there and is just as unappealing as ever.)

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Teenage Drug Dealers Can’t Afford To Be Touchy

, , , , , | Legal | April 26, 2020

I’m a police officer in a small town with a lot of wealthy individuals. I have just finished breaking up a drug deal and have arrested a fifteen-year-old dealer with eight grams of cocaine and we’re waiting for his father to show up.

Kid: “Man, you better let me go. My dad’s a lawyer and there’s no way you have a case.”

Officer: “Listen, kid, just wait for your dad to show up before you say something stupid. Now, turn around if you want those cuffs off.”

The officer goes to uncuff the kid who suddenly violently breaks off.

Kid: “What the f***?! Get your hands off my balls!”

Me: “He didn’t even touch you yet.”

Kid: “Oh, yeah? Well, who’s the judge gonna believe? You two idiots or my dad?” 

Me: “I’m pretty sure they’ll believe that camera.”

I point to one at the end of the hall pointed at him.

Me: “Or that one.”

I point to one literally just above him.

Kid: “Well, f*** you! You’re nothing but a bunch of podunk pigs!”

It took another thirty minutes for his father to show up, the little drug dealer screaming and cursing the whole while. Luckily, his dad didn’t see it as such a clear-cut case of innocence and took a plea deal forcing his son into a house arrest with rehab and weekly drug tests, as well as freezing access to his trust fund. He also apologized to the department and said if his son ever ended up here again, he would cut him out of the family will.

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Three Free Days

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2020

Before I tell this story, I will admit that I knowingly took advantage of an employee’s mistake, in the form of a loophole I found completely by accident.

I pre-ordered tickets for a four-day-long outdoor festival, and naturally, I printed the receipt at home, with barcodes for all four days of the festival. These tickets were non-refundable if any day of the festival was cancelled due to poor weather. The pre-order tickets cost exactly the same as if you bought tickets at the gate on all four days of the festival, with the only difference being that the single-day tickets purchased at the gates could be refunded if that day of the festival was cancelled.

The first day of the festival ended up being cancelled about thirty minutes after the festivities started. Despite knowing that the pre-order tickets were non-refundable, I decided to ask a cashier for a refund since I had paid exactly the same price for my day-one ticket as everyone who had purchased their ticket at the gate that day. The cashier ended up agreeing with me and agreed to refund the cost of my day-one ticket.

When I looked at my bank account that night to see if the refund had actually gone through, I realized that I had been refunded the entire cost of my tickets for all four days of the festival. I tried calling the festival organizers the next morning to point out their mistake, but nobody answered the phone.

Day two, the weather was perfect. I went to the festival and decided to bring my pre-printed tickets along just to see what would happen if I tried to show them at the gate. To my surprise, the barcode still worked! The barcodes for days three and four also worked!

In the end, I got to go to all three remaining days of the festival for free by showing the pre-printed tickets that had been refunded but not invalidated. I do feel slightly guilty about it, but not enough to do anything more than write this story.

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