Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP] technical support. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “What’s this email all about?”

Me: “What email, sir?”

Caller: “This email! About the money I owe!”

We go through his security details, and I check his account.

Me: “Sir, it looks like you’re all paid up and we haven’t sent you any emails recently.”

Caller: “I’m reading it right now! I got it last night!”

Me: “Can you read out the email address that sent the email?”

I tried to get him to tell me the e-mail address, which was a struggle for him to find. He could only tell me it was from Microsoft.

Me: “Sir, we are not Microsoft; we are your ISP. If you got an email from Microsoft asking for payment, I would strongly consider double-checking with Microsoft first, to ensure it’s not a scam.”

Caller: “How do you know it’s a scam?!

Me: “I don’t, sir. I don’t have access to the email and any information—”

Caller: “—I got the email through the Internet, and you give me Internet!”

I’m about to respond with a professional version of “it doesn’t work like that” when I hear another adult voice in the caller’s background:

Caller’s Son: “Seriously, Dad? That’s not how it works.”

Me: “Ah, sir, is that your son? Maybe they could have a look at the email and advise on it first.”

Caller: “So you can’t tell me what this email is about?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll get one of my kids to look at it. I’m not sure what help they could give me that you couldn’t, though.”

Me: “I agree, based on the information available, there’s not much I can do, I’m afraid. Hopefully one of your children can see something we missed.”

Caller: “Huh, fine, I’ll do that. Strange they wanted payment in iTunes gift cards, though…” *Click.*

Customer: “I want a [Cocktail], but no ice.”

Me: “I can do that, but I can’t give you more alcohol, so the drink won’t go to the top of the glass.”

Customer: “Well, I’m allergic to ice, so since it’s a medical thing you have to accommodate me and fill my glass to the top.”

Me: “You’re telling me that you’re allergic to water?”

Customer: “No, ice.”

It was busy, and I didn’t want to spend time with that much stupidity, so I just poured in some extra orange juice and called it a day.

My coworker had a dine-and-dash on a $200 table. We were just coming off of a super busy dinner service when he noticed that one of his tables was nowhere to be found. He was very panicked, so I helped him go through his receipts to see if maybe he had cashed them out and just forgot, or if they had actually left. There was no cash on the table, no billfold, and no receipts that matched what their total bill was.

Since I had no open tables, I decided to check other restaurants and bars on our street and actually found them at a bar not far away. I had a chat with the bar manager and showed him proof that we had no payment from them, so he confronted them while I waited outside with their security.

They came out and tried to argue that their bill was paid, but I showed them all the same information I showed the bar manager. One of the ladies tried to justify why they had left, claiming they waited for thirty minutes for their bill, nobody came out to check with them, they tried to get our attention to pay, etc.

I simply said theft is theft and that there were two other servers that could have gotten their bill if they were finished instead of leaving without paying. I had even brought them a round of drinks when my coworker was busy with another table, and I had other tables around them, so it’s not like they didn’t have a server nearby that they could have spoken to.

The lady even said, “You’re lucky we came here and didn’t just go home,” to which I said, “You’re lucky I haven’t called my boss or the cops to handle this.”

It’s important to note that this table had made a reservation, so we had their information in our books and could have easily tracked them down with police assistance. Thankfully, I was able to get what was owed and bring it back to my coworker after ten minutes of back and forth between me, the group, and the bar staff/security. They were promptly kicked out and banned from both the bar and our restaurant.

I’ve had dine-and-dashes before, but never anything over $100, let alone $200. I’m happy I was able to get the money for my coworker and also grateful that this group was stupid enough to walk to another bar down the street. I know situations where dine-and-dashes actually get caught are pretty rare, so I feel like the universe was on our side with this one.

I see a customer browsing some items, finds one she likes, takes it over to the clearance section, leaves it there for a moment, walks away about three steps, turns around, walks back three steps, and “discovers” the item.

Customer: *Making a loud show of it.* “Oh, wow! This is so nice! And on clearance, too! Such a nice surprise!”

She brings the item over to my checkout, and I’m trying not to laugh based on what’s about to happen.

Me: “That’s $39.99.”

Customer: “No! It’s on clearance! I found it in the clearance section, so it’s on clearance!”

Me: “Clearance items have red clearance stickers on them.”

Customer: “Well, I found it in the clearance section, so you have to honor the clearance price!”

Me: “If finding an item in a specific section, in a store where customers can move things around all the time, then everything might as well be on clearance. But anyway…”

Since it’s a quiet time in the store, I take the item and walk it back to its correct place on the shelves, in direct view of the customer.

Me: *Making a loud show of it, never breaking eye contact with the customer.* “Oh, wow! This is so nice! And it’s not on clearance! Such a surprise!”

Customer: “A**hole!” *Storms out.*

I’m cashing out a customer. Her change comes up to $8.00, so I gave her a $5 bill, a loonie, and a toonie. Customer puts the change away. I then handed her the receipt.

Customer: “You didn’t give my change.”

Me: “I did. I saw you put it away.”

Customer: “No! I’m missing a five. Give me my change!”

Me: “I already gave all of your change. Did you put it away?”

The customer is not listening to me and turns around. One of my regulars is behind her; he was on a call but has become more focused on what is happening in front of him.

Customer: “Oh good, you can vouch for me!”

Regular: *Steps back and goes back to talking on his phone.*

Customer: “Give me my change!”

Me: *Shrugs.* “All right, I will—”

Customer: “Good!”

Me: “But I will have to call my shift supervisor so we can count my till. This won’t take too long.” *Into a radio.* “[Supervisor], can you come to [my department] for a till check, please?”

Customer: “Uh, no, no. I don’t think that’s necessary.”

Me: “Well, I remember giving your change to you. But you said I didn’t. I think it’s safer to double-check before I give what you’re missing.”

No sooner had I said this, [Supervisor] emerged from the back with the machine we use to count money. It runs on a battery so it can be taken anywhere to count.

Supervisor: “Do you know how much you made today?”

Me: “Yes, I’m just going to print it right now…”

Customer: “Actually, on second thought, it’s okay, you don’t—”

Me: “—No, no. I insist. I would rather be balanced than have a variance in my deposit.”

The customer has a look of fear as I start counting. As soon as I finish counting my coins, she turns around.

Customer: “Never mind, I have somewhere to be, so I’ll just eat the loss!”

She leaves. My supervisor and I look at each other with confusion and amusement.

Regular: *Walks up to the counter.* “I don’t know why she wanted me to say something. I wasn’t even looking at her transaction, and in any case, it’s not my business anyway!”

Related:
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 11
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 10
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 9
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 8
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 7