Sat-Navigate Yourself Out Of That Job

, , | Right | March 29, 2021

I am on my last day of work as the stockroom manager in a popular catalogue store. I am the youngest manager in my region and have quite a young face. One of my staff has been dealing with a customer returning a faulty Sat-Nav but had some issues with the product. I’m called up to the counter, at which point I inspect the product. It has a large crack on the screen and some scrapes on the casing; the box, however, is immaculate and his receipt is dated a few days ago.

Anybody with any common sense can tell that the faulty product, which seems to have been dropped, did not come out of the perfect box and the likelihood is that the customer has replaced his broken unit and is attempting to return his faulty one.

I point out to the customer that the box is perfect and the product appears to have been dropped. After five minutes of arguing:

Customer: “It must have come from the factory like that.”

Me: “I honestly doubt that, sir. This is a very high-end product and I’m pretty confident the manufacturer would have strict quality control to stop faulty products, especially ones that appear to have been dropped leaving the factory.”

Customer: “Well, that’s how it was when I got it.”

Me: “Well, sir, the box appears to be immaculate, whilst your product has quite a lot of damage to it.”

Customer: “So you’re saying I’m lying? I want to see the manager.”

I look down at my name badge that states my name and my position as manager.

Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: *Turning red with anger* “Oh, you’re just a f****** c***!”

I speak to the customer as he storms out.

Me: “Have a nice day, sir!”

Colleague: *Giggling* “Hey, it’s five o’clock; you don’t work here anymore.”

I silently wished I had used some more colourful language as there wasn’t much the company could have done at that point.

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End Call, THEN Gloat

, , , | Legal | March 25, 2021

I work for the customer service department of a big Dutch webshop. I have an irate customer who keeps on screaming their new Xbox 360 hasn’t arrived. Track and Trace says it was delivered, but the customer insists it was not.

When something that big goes missing, we need to inform the Losses Department, who will contact the carrier and will investigate the issue. I inform the client that I will be doing that and they’ll hear about it in the coming five days.

Most of the time, packages just show up and it was a faulty registration. Anyway, it’s the end of my workday, so I sign off and go home. On my way out, I pass a colleague who has an irate customer. When he confirms the address, I realize he’s talking to my customer.

Since I know this will be his last call, as well, I decide to wait for him so we can complain about customers together. He finishes the call and waits for the client to hang up; we are only allowed to hang up if people forget to do so. He uses this time to add to the case.

Suddenly, my coworker grabs his headphones. His eyes widen. His mouth falls open. Then, I see the line disconnecting. 

Me: “Are you okay?”

Coworker: “They… Oh, my gosh…”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “They thought they had hung up already! Oh, my gosh… You’ll never guess what I heard!”

Me: *Curious* “What?”

Coworker: “’There! Now we’ll have a free Xbox for sure!’”

Guess which RECORDED call was passed through to the Fraud Department? And guess which delivery address was banned forever, alongside the customer’s account?

This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of March 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of March 2021 roundup!

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A Plain Attempt At A Scam

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2021

A lady comes stomping in, already looking angry.

Me: “Hi, how can I—”

Customer: “I want a plain hamburger. Get it? Plain, nothing on it. Burger, bun, that’s it. Can you handle that?”

I plaster on my best Customer Service Smile™.

Me: “Yes, indeed. That is one plain burger, nothing on it. Do you want a combo with that or just—”

Customer: “Ah, ah, ah! I said I wanted just a hamburger. No extras!”

Me: “All right. One hamburger, nothing else, will be [price].”

She reaches into her purse and pulls out the exact change for the burger, with tax. After I put that in and hand her her receipt, she keeps standing there, looking at me.

Me: “Was there anything else?”

Customer: “Uh, my cup?

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Here you go.”

I hand her a water cup, which she looks at like it is a giant slug.

Customer: “I need my cup for soda.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. You asked for only a burger. A drink would be [extra price], or [second price] with fries for a combo.”

Customer: *Practically bellowing* “Of course, I want soda and fries! Give me my cup!”

Me: “Okay, that will just be [second price].”

Thanks to so many people doing this sort of thing, our manager has a special program in the register that can put through fries and a drink at the “combo” price without us needing to refund the burger or do something fancy. It helps that we only have one soda and fry size.

Customer: *Still yelling* “Why would I pay for your mistake?! Give me my cup!”

My manager walks over from where he’s been handling shakes for a different order.

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for the confusion, but I heard you ask for just a burger. If you want the combo, you will need to pay the extra cost.”

She continued to glare at us for a few moments before reaching into her purse and pulling out the exact change, again, for the extra amount that the fries and soda cost, plus tax. I processed it, handed her the cup, and she stomped over the soda fountain. Given how quickly she was able to produce the exact change, I personally think that this was a deliberate attempt at a scam on her part.

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We Hope This Story Goes Viral!

, , , | Healthy | March 18, 2021

I’m seeing a gynaecologist at a private clinic because the general polyclinics in Singapore don’t have the specific type of birth control I want. The doctor is a woman and seems okay on the first visit.

Doctor: “And what do you do for a living?”

Me: “I’m a virologist; I work for a vaccine development company.”

On the second visit, she tries to hard-sell me the HPV vaccine. In many countries, it’s given to teenagers for free, but it’s very expensive to buy out of pocket privately.

Me: “I don’t think I need it because I’m married and my husband didn’t have any sex partners before.”

Doctor: “No, but once you become sexually active, the HPV can fly through the air and infect you at any time.”

This is complete nonsense; HPV is not airborne.

Me: “Remember last time when I said I’m a virologist working in vaccine research and development?”

This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of March 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of March 2021 roundup!

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Her Scam Is Small Fry

, , , | Right | March 16, 2021

My store gets its share of people trying to scam free stuff, but this one really takes the cake. 

Customer: “Hi! I’d like to get a small combo [number].”

The small combo comes with a sandwich, a side, and a drink.

Me: “Okay, and what side would you like?”

Customer: “I’d like medium fries.”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you want a small combo or a medium combo?”

Customer: “Small.”

Me: “Okay, then there will be an extra [price] to upgrade the fries to medium.”

Customer: “No. I want the small combo with medium fries and a medium drink.”

Me: “That would make it a medium combo.”

Customer: “No! I want the small combo!”

Me: *Fed up* “Ma’am, you are not going to get a medium combo at the price of a small.”

She opens her mouth to argue, but I just give her a flat, stern look, and she settles down, sulking.

Customer: “Fine. A medium combo.”

Seriously, we can’t just declare a medium to “actually” be small.

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