Engineering Some Lies

, , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I work in a hotel. A female customer has called and told me that there is no hot water. It is two am and I’m by myself. I tell her that I will go and see what I can do and call her back. I take ten minutes to go to the mechanical room and try different things. Nothing works. I then call the engineer and leave a voicemail. When I return to the front desk again, the phone rings. The caller ID shows an outside line, meaning it’s not from a room.)

Me: *hotel greeting*

Caller: *shouting* “Hello! What’s going on?!”

(I’ve never spoken to the engineer before, so I think this is him. But just to make sure…)

Me: “Is this the engineer?”

Caller: “Yes, it is! You never called me!”

Me: *confused* “I just did?”

Caller: “No! You didn’t! Now tell me what’s going on!”

Me: *brain reboot* “There have been multiple complaints about the hot water. I’m by myself and don’t know what to do.”

Caller: *silent*

Me: “Do you have any ideas?”

Caller: *sighs* “I’m not the engineer. I’m a guest staying there! I’m getting married!”

Me: *shocked and angry now* “What the…? You just said—“

Caller: “Never mind that!”

(Unfortunately, I did mind. I don’t like any liars, even if they are customers, so I didn’t help him. There was nothing I could do, anyway, since I was just a clerk. I just told him that the engineer had been called. The caller threatened me with bodily harm and then hung up. The next day, the manager blamed me for the customer being upset about me not calling him back. I guess the female customer from before was the fiancée, but who knows. I left shortly after. How liars find mates is beyond me. I wish the customer all the bad luck in the world for being a dirty, tricky liar, and I hope his pants fall down at his wedding.)

Pump Up The Crime Rate

, , , | Legal | February 17, 2019

(This story takes place a few years ago when gas is about $3 per gallon. I stop for gas on my drive to work. I drive a small car with a 13-gallon gas tank. The only other vehicle at the gas pumps is a large SUV with a woman standing next to it. The woman finishes pumping her gas while I’m still getting out of my car. She goes inside to pay, and I finish pumping my own gas. While I’m walking inside to pay, the woman practically sprints out of the store to her SUV, and then rushes out of the lot. I continue into the store, grab a drink and snack, and head to the cash register.)

Me: “This and gas on [Pump #2].”

Cashier: *scans my items and tries to enter the gas purchase* “Sir, are you sure you’re on [Pump #2]?”

Me: “Yeah, the black car out there.” *my car is now the only car at the gas pumps*

Cashier: “Sir, somebody already paid for [Pump #2]. The only unpaid gas purchase I have is for $70 on [Pump #1]. Are you sure that’s not you?”

Me: “My car only holds 13 gallons of gas. $70 of gas is almost double what my car’s gas tank can hold. There’s no way I filled up at that pump.”

Cashier: “Well, I don’t know what happened. Let me call my manager and I’ll see what he says. We need you to stay here until everything gets sorted.”

(The cashier calls his manager to the front of the store and tells him about the confusion. I call my boss to explain that I’m going to be late for work; luckily, my boss is pretty understanding. The manager goes back to the office to check the cameras, and returns to the register about ten minutes later.)

Manager: “Sir, it appears you’re correct; the cameras show you pulling up to [Pump #2]. However, I’ve called the police because I think I know what happened, and they might want to talk to you as a witness. The woman in the SUV at [Pump #1] might have seen your small car and decided to claim your gas purchase as her own to avoid paying as much for her giant SUV. Do you mind sticking around until the police get here?”

(Having already called my boss, I agreed to stick around for a few extra minutes. The police arrived and asked me to prove that the small car at [Pump #2] was mine; I used my key to start the car, and they were satisfied. The police thanked me for my time and let me go. The manager offered to waive the cost of my gas for being understanding, so I leave for work. The next time I stopped at that gas station, I asked the cashier what happened. The police were able to get the woman’s license plate from the cameras around the gas station and arrested her for her stunt.)

Time To Give Them An Education On Education

, , , | Right | February 16, 2019

(I work in a clothing store that is marketed towards and frequented by female teachers. I am just finishing up my undergrad in elementary education. We have a discount for teachers who can provide some sort of proof — ID, paystubs, etc. — that they’re teachers and I always like to talk to the people who ask about the discount and pick their brains about teaching.)

Customer: “You guys have a teachers’ discount, right? For 25% off?”

(She looks about my age, if not younger, which immediately makes me think she’s a student, and not actually a teacher, but I give her the benefit of the doubt.)

Me: “It’s actually 15% off, but only off of full-price items, and everything you’re getting today is on sale, so I can’t add it on top of that.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

Me: “What do you teach?”

Customer: “Oh, um, actually, I’m doing Teach for America.”

Me: “Nice. I’m just finishing studying education at [Local University] and I’ll be starting my student teaching in the fall.”

Customer: “I actually got a degree in advertising, but I’m going to New Mexico next year for the program.”

Me: “Ah, okay.”

(Girl, you’re a year out from the job and you want a discount? Get your non-education going-into-education BS away from me.)

Their Real Selves Bear Teeth

, , , , , , | Healthy | February 15, 2019

(I’m at the dentist, and he suggests I go to the hygienist for a clean, etc. I say okay, though I’m not convinced I need it. I’ve not been to the dentist for a couple of years, but my teeth are in great shape, as I look after them well. The following conversation proves me right, and I have not been back since.)

Hygienist: “You know, your teeth are quite incredibly clean considering it’s been six months since we last saw you.”

Me: “Actually, it’s been two years since you last saw me.”

Hygienist: “Well, you really should have come in before now, then! Your teeth need a clean!”

Me: *long pause* “Goodbye.”

The Paid Cake Is A Lie

, , , | Right | February 14, 2019

I work in the bakery department of a large supermarket. A customer presents me with a cake, which she asks me to put icing on for her.

I go to present the cake back to the customer when she asks me to write, “Paid for,” on the side of the box. I begin to explain I can’t do this without her showing me a valid receipt, but the shop fire alarm begins to ring and we’re all made to evacuate the building. We get back inside ten minutes later to find the woman standing in the exact same spot. We have no idea how security missed her!

She continues to insist she’s already paid for the cake, and after what seems like an eternity of arguing, she storms away down to the bottom of the aisle.

I then watch her pull a pen out her bag and write, “Paid for,” on the box herself. To this day, I have no idea if she successfully got through checkouts with her handiwork.

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