Get One Free And That’s It

, , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

(We are having a sale at our store; it is a buy-one-get-one-free event. Because we know that customers don’t read the fine print on a sale sign, we make sure to keep all of the text the same size. It has eliminated a lot of confusion, but we still get customers that see “free” and want the advertised BOGO item for free.)

Customer: *comes up to the till to buy the item*

Me: *scans the item* “Your total today is [total]. We are having a BOGO promotion; would you like a second one for free today?”

Customer: “No, that’s not right; the sign outside said, ‘free.’”

Me: “Actually, the sign says, ‘Buy one get one free.’ This item isn’t free, but if you wanted to grab a second one, then that one would be free.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! You’re giving me this item, and I’m leaving with it free of charge. This is false advertising!”

(The customer goes to grab the product, but before they can, I snatch it and put it behind the counter.)

Me: “It says right on the sign, ‘buy one get one free,’ clear as day!”

(I gesture over to the “buy one get one” sign that is at our till on one of our other products.)

Me: “The font is all the same. It is not false advertising, and I am not giving you a free item just because you can’t read. I am sorry, but I am going to have to ask you to leave for attempted theft.”

(The customer leaves, and after my shift is over I go home. When I come in to work the next day, the same customer is talking with my manager.)

Manager: “[My Name], we need to talk. Did you refuse to sell this customer the BOGO item, then proceed to call them a ‘d****e-knuckle’?”

Me: “Absolutely not. They came up with one item. I told them it was a BOGO item and asked if they wanted to grab a second one to get the second one free. They told me I would give them the item for free because of false advertising, and they went to go grab the item. I snatched it before they could grab it, and I then asked them to leave because they attempted to steal product from us.”

Customer: “That’s not true, and you know it! You called me a vulgar name, and I want compensation for it!”

Manager: “I would be happy to compensate you for any troubles, but first I want to know who is telling the truth. I’m going to review the video and audio footage from our cameras in this store. I’ll be just a moment.”

(The manager walks into the back room, and as soon as he does, the customer gives me a panicked look.)

Customer: “I… uh… I have other shopping to do. I’ll be back.”

(The customer leaves the store, and a few minutes after my manager comes back to talk to me.)

Manager: “I saw the footage; you’re off the hook, I called security on that lady, and apparently numerous stores have complained about them doing the exact same thing. If you see them, call security, because they’re not allowed in this mall ever again.”

(A few weeks later, they tried pulling the same thing on a shoe store. Security was called, and they were escorted from the mall and banned.)


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These Delays Are Heating Up

, , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

(I work in the deli department, and on weekends we close the store at six. We are a little late closing because there were customers finishing up their shopping, and we are now cleaning the last slicer and preparing to go home. A lady and her child sneak their way into the store right before we lock the doors.)

Customer: “Can I get a sandwich?”

Coworker: “We are currently closing right now—”

Customer: “Please? It’s an easy one.”

(We ask our manager, and she says yes, since it’s easy.)

Coworker: “Okay, what kind of sandwich?”

Customer: “Chicken salad with lettuce and tomatoes.”

(My coworker goes to work on it.)

Me: “Is that all you need tonight?”

Customer: “No, I need two more sandwiches. I’m waiting for my other daughter to get here.”

Me: “Um… Is she in the store?”

Customer: “She should be.”

(Her child looks around the store but comes back shaking her head.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your daughter must have gotten locked out of the store. We already closed the doors tonight, since we close at six.”

Customer: “Oh. Hang on; I’ll call her.” *a minute later* “Okay, we need two chicken parm sandwiches.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I go to make them. We are all starting to get annoyed, since it’s now 6:15 and we want to go home. These sandwiches I’m doing need to be heated up. I heat them up for three minutes each, so they are really hot.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “No, thank you. That’s all… Wait. These sandwiches feel cold!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I did heat them up for three minutes each. We don’t toast the bread, so that’s probably what you feel.”

Customer: *giving massive attitude now* “Well, I don’t like it. They are way too cold. Heat them up for four minutes longer!”

Me: *extremely irritated, but acting nice* “No problem, ma’am.”

(Four minutes later.)

Me: “Here you are, ma’am. Are they all right now?”

Customer: “They are a lot better! Why didn’t you do this from the start?! And you should have a sign saying when you close!”

(We do; it’s on the door right when you walk in.)

Me: “Anything else, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, I’m all set… Actually…”

(She then proceeds to ask for multiple types of salads and entrees in our case, and asks for sliced cheese, so now we have to clean the slicer over again. Then, she finally leaves.)

Manager: “So much for it being quick.”

(We all left at 6:45, and as we were leaving we saw her just now getting to the cashier to pay for her stuff.)

A Scam Fit For The Movies

, , , , , , | Legal | July 11, 2018

Coworker: “Hey, I have a customer here who says he saw a woman and her kid removing the wet floor sign from theater eight.”

Me: “All right, I’ll go check it out in a sec—”

(Suddenly a woman comes limping towards to ticket desk.)

Woman: “Oh, ah, oh, my back!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, are you okay?”

Woman: “No! I want to speak to your manager! Ah, oh, my back!”

Me: “I am acting manager. What can I help you with?”

Woman: “I’m going to sue this place! I just slipped and fell on an unmarked wet spot in one of your theaters!”

(My coworker and I exchange a bemused look while the lady pretends to be in serious pain. I decide to play with it a little bit.)

Me: “Oh, no! Whatever can we do?! Please, don’t sue!”

Women: “Well, firstly, you can compensate me for my pain. Oh, the pain!”

Me: “All right, miss. As you are injured, I need you to fill out this accident report.”

Woman: “Oh… Can’t you just compensate me without? I’m a very busy woman, you brats! Oh, my back!”

Me: “Well, firstly, I just need a picture of you.”

(My coworker rushes over with a phone and takes her picture.)

Me: “And can I see a driver’s license, and a credit card? Our drawers won’t open without a cash transaction, so I’ll just put, say, $250 straight into your bank through your credit card.”

(I don’t know if that’s actually possible to do, but it sounded true enough, because the woman’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree. She pulls out her driver’s license and her credit card and hands them to me, all the while groaning in pain.)

Me: “And real quick, can you tell me what happened, while I write an incident report?”

(I get a blank piece of paper and a pen, and while she tells us her story, I write, “This woman is an idiot. This is going to be funny; just wait,” and hand it to my coworker.)

Me: “All right, miss, I only have one problem before I put the money through.”

Woman: “Yes? Ah, oh, my back.”

Me: “When you told this story, why did you leave out the part where you moved the ‘wet floor’ sign?”

(The woman sprinted away, leaving me with her license and credit card. My coworker saw her license plate, and we called the cops to say she attempted fraud and was driving without a license. Apparently she was already on probation for attempted fraud, and in a few months when she gets out of jail, she won’t be going back into my theater; we put up the picture of her and her name next to the ticket booth, and she is no longer allowed to enter any of our 50+ movie theaters nationwide!)

Just Lawyered Yourself

, , , | Legal | July 10, 2018

(I work in a call center for a large communications company. One day a customer calls in wanting information on a customer’s account.)

Me: “I can help you with that, sir. Please give me the telephone number.”

Caller: “It is [number].”

Me: “Thank you. Your name and account number, please.”

Caller: “I don’t have the account number.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without account verification I am not able to provide you with any information on that account.”

Caller: “Look, buddy, I’m a lawyer and you f****** better give me that information or I will sue you and the company!”

Me: “Oh. You’re a lawyer?”

Caller: “D*** right. Now hurry up!”

Me: “Well, sir, I would assume that since you are a lawyer you would have a least a passing respect for the law, and you would also know, as a lawyer, that the information on customer’s accounts are protected by the PIPD Act. You would also know that if I gave you this information without proper verification it would open the company up to civil action and myself to termination of employment. I am not going to throw my job away just to make you happy.”

Caller: “F*** you!” *click*

Price TAG! Caught You

, , , , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(A young man has been hovering around the counter while all the staff have been busy with other customers. He’s acting a little oddly, but I’m serving someone else, and I tell him I’ll be with him in just a moment. By the time I’m free, he’s disappeared. I’m feeling suspicious, so I head towards the back of the shop and find him at the corner of the second to last aisle of books.)

Me: “Hi! So sorry to keep you waiting. Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: *stuttering and still acting oddly* “Oh, yeah… um, what’s the price on this book?”

(He holds out one of the little gift books we keep down at the counter. I flip it over, and surprise, surprise, the price tag is missing. Without even looking, I reach around the corner of the aisle and find the price tag, which was stuck on the edge of a shelf.)

Me: “Well, it looks like it’s $9.95. Did you want to get that today?”

Customer: *backing away quickly to the door* “I’ll just have to… go get cash for that.”

Me: “Yeah, you do that. I’ll hold it at the counter for you, shall I?”

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