Thinking He Was Home Free

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2020

In the UK, you can tell what type a phone line is by the first two digits. 01,02,03 and 08 are landline phones while 07 is always a cell phone. I work as an outgoing cold call agent in the UK where we see the phone numbers listed as we call them.

Me: “Hello, sir, I am calling from [Cell Phone Company] regarding your cell phone plan.”

Customer: “I am on pay-as-you-go; I don’t have a cell phone monthly plan.”

Me: “Yes, I noticed and you could be getting a much better deal for your cell phone.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, but I’m driving. Could you call back later?”

I take a second to look at the number I dialed before I respond.

Me: “Sir… are you telling me that you’re driving your house?”

It was an 01 house landline number. The customer paused for a couple of seconds, stuttered, and hung up.

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Not So Pretty In Drunk Pink

, , , , , , | Right | May 5, 2020

I work as a bouncer and doorman at a local bar. It is a bar but not exactly a “party” kind of bar, so I am supposed to turn away anyone who turns up that is too drunk to behave.

A man approaches wearing a hot pink shirt and very tight white pants. He is staggering and slurring his words and very clearly drunk.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you in.”


Me: “Because you are very clearly drunk. I can call you a cab but I won’t be letting you in in your current state.”

The man leaves in a cab. The next day, however, I am called in by my boss. When I arrive, the man is sitting there with my boss, and both look extremely angry.

Boss: “[My Name]. This man claims you kicked him out of the bar for being gay.”

Me: “Uh… First off, I had no idea he was gay, and I didn’t kick him out. I didn’t let him in because he was hammered.”

Man: “Shut up, you homophobe. Honestly, I can’t believe people still hire a**holes like you.”

Boss: “Wait, wait, wait. If you never even went in, and you were turned away at the door, how would he even know that you were gay?”

Man: “I mean, look at me; I am flaming! I had a hot pink shirt and everything; he obviously knew! Now, I demand you fire him!”

Boss: “So… you want me to fire an employee because he didn’t stereotype you?”

Man: “It’s not hard to spot a gay man; we have a pretty distinct style!”

Boss: “Okay, first off, I will not fire an employee for doing his job, and secondly, I’m gay and have never worn pink in my life, so you shouldn’t stereotype!”

After double-checking security footage, where we could clearly see the man fall over drunk, my boss banned the patron from the bar and apologized for calling me in on my day off.

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Phoning In The Excuses

, , , , , , | Healthy | May 3, 2020

I work as a medical receptionist for a retinal specialist. The medical building where our office is located has nineteen floors and each floor has up to five medical offices in it.

Due to the current health crisis, the main door of the building is closed; for the patients to get access, someone has to physically let them in. For the last month, this has been my task. When someone approaches the door, I have to greet them, ask them to step back six feet as required by CDC and WHO, and ask them about their recent travel and health history. 

There are still quite a few of the specialists in the building that need to see their patients in person, but not all of them have enough staff on payroll to have a greeter. I am only authorized to let my own doctor’s patients in after they have passed the screening and check them off my list. I am forbidden from letting anyone else in unless they are an employee that I recognize or has a valid pass. 

A lot of the people stopping by do not feel that they have to be inconvenienced by the rules meant to protect them. 

One of the doctors I don’t work for requires that once their patients arrive, they call their office so one of the staff can come down and collect their patients. I am the one that has to explain this to them. The majority comply but quite a few give me trouble. One particular lady, though, takes the cake. 

Me: “I am sorry, but due to the current crisis, I can only let my own patients in and no one else.”

Lady: “I do not have my phone with me.”

Me: “I am unable to help you since I do not work for your doctor.”


She moves very close to me, less than two feet. I quickly close the door. She starts banging on the glass. I gesture for her to move further for nearly five minutes before she will comply. I look around for the security guard but do not see him.

The lady moves away from the door. I open the door and repeat the rules to her. She screams at me that she does not have her phone with her. I repeat that, in that case, I am unable to help her since I can’t leave my station. 

A few minutes later, as I escort a leaving patient out — both because said patient has mobility issues and to prevent the lady from sneaking in — I spot her staring at her phone.

Me: *Somewhat smugly* “I was under the impression that you did not have your phone with you?”

The lady turned bright red and glared at me.

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Ordered Some Whiskey With Some Tango Foxtrot

, , , | Right | May 1, 2020

I am having a drink with a friend when a woman comes in and orders pasta, a beer, and a whiskey. When she receives the bill, she begins arguing about it. I can’t catch everything, but among other complaints, she is saying she hasn’t had the whiskey, which is still in plain sight on the table. This goes on for five or ten minutes, during which the waitress also has to take care of other customers, and she ends up saying:

Waitress: “Please, be nice. Just pay and leave. I already didn’t charge you for your food.”

I go to the bathroom; when I come back, the woman is gone. My friend tells me she clearly had no money so they just let her go. When the waitress brings us our bill, I pay and add 5€; we normally don’t tip in Belgium.

Me: “That’s for keeping your cool and actually smiling to every single customer, despite that.”

I point to the table where the woman had been sitting.

Waitress: “Thank you very much! This is really helpful!”

My Friend: “But your boss is not going to take her bill from your paycheck, is he?”

Waitress: “Yes, he is. That’s why your tip is really appreciated! Thanks again!”

Later that day, I thought about what had happened and regretted that I didn’t give her 11€ or 12€ more to cover the woman’s bill, which was a bit more than 16€.

Without Not Always Right, I would probably have thought, “D***ed customer, it must be unbearable sometimes to do that job!” and that would have been all. I wouldn’t have done anything.

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That Weedwhacker Needs To Be Put Out To Grass

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2020

I am heading to the customer service desk when I see a man at the desk with a weedwhacker. It looks like it is absolutely covered in at least a quarter of an inch of grass clippings with a thicker coat on the actual trimmer head. I overhear this while signing in as a vendor.

Customer: “I need to return this.”

The employee takes a dubious look at the weedwhacker.

Employee: “Okay. Do you have a receipt for it?”

Customer: “Ah, naw. But you’ll still take it, right?”

Employee: “Well, yes, but I would need to see an ID.”

Customer: “What for? Why do I need to do that?!”

Employee: “It’s company policy, and would you mind if I ask why is it being returned?”

Customer: “F***, I didn’t even use the thing! Why you have to make it so d*** hard?”

He almost throws the ID at her. The employee picks it up and types up the weedwhacker’s brand.

Employee: “Oh. Okay. You have the option of a straight exchange or a gift card.”

Customer: “I want money!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but it’s above the amount that we’re allowed to give in cash without a receipt. I can’t override it.”

Customer: “Never mind!”

He snatches his ID and stalks off, shedding grass clippings with every step.

Me: “‘Never used it,’ huh?”

Employee: “You think he would at least clean the thing before making that claim.”

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