The Case Of The Case

, , , , , , | Right | September 7, 2019

(I am working in a cell phone kiosk, within a store well known for its overly-exploitable return policy. All of the phone cases we carry are black, grey, or clear, and are one of three well-known brands. A woman approaches the counter carrying a thin, bright pink case.)

Customer: “Give me my money back! This garbage you sold me is broken!”

Me: “Is there an issue with your phone?”

Customer: “No! This case! Here’s my receipt!”

(She tosses a receipt at me. It does show one of the cases we sell for that phone, but they are completely different styles.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think there’s a misunderstanding. The case on your receipt is a different case than the one you’re holding. Do you have this case with you?”

Customer: “Excuse me?! This is the case your coworker sold me! I want you to give me my money back!”

(Seeing that this is already going nowhere, I grab the case we sell and open it for her, showing her the differences.)

Me: “This is the case on your receipt. See how the SKU matches up? This case is also [Brand] and so it says the name here on the side. I’m not sure where the case you’re holding came from.”

Customer: “It came from here! It’s been on my phone since day one! Look! It’s on my receipt!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but the item on your receipt is this other case. If you can find that, I’d be happy to return it.”

Customer: “Then you need to explain to me why it’s on my receipt!”

Me: “I have explained, ma’am. It’s not. These are different items. We have never sold that case, and so I cannot return it for you.”

Customer: “[Store] returns everything for me!”

Me: “If they were purchased here. This simply was not.”

Customer: “Your [slur] you have working here grabbed it right out from under there and gave it to me!”

Me: “The only way that would be possible is if he took it off of somebody else’s phone. Do you think that would be the case?”

Customer: “Probably! He took it and charged me! That’s what the [slur]s are all like!

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to stop insulting my coworkers. You can come back when you find the case you purchased here.”

(She stormed off and went up front, where she complained about me and demanded a refund. I then had to repeat the whole conversation with returns management, who didn’t understand why I didn’t give her money for something we never sold her in the first place.)

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This Story Has A Soggy Bottom

, , , , | Right | September 4, 2019

(I work in a mainstream pizza chain. I have already dealt with one person who flat-out lied and got caught trying to get free food. My policy is that if you want it replaced, you bring it back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Could I interest you in [current special]?”

Caller: “No, I need to speak to the manager.”

Me: “Speaking.”

Caller: “I was in there like ten or fifteen minutes ago and my pizzas are soggy. I come in there all the time.”

(I don’t recognize her voice or name at all.)

Me: “I’m sorry about that. If you bring them back, we would be more than happy to replace them for you.”

Caller: “I have to bring them back? I could just bring one and show you.”

Me: “No, you have to bring all three if you want all three replaced.”

Caller: “So, I have to put my four kids in the car and bring all three back?”

Me: “Well, were you just going to bring one and leave your kids home alone with the other two?”

Caller: “I used to work there. I know the f****** policy. I don’t have to bring it back. And you aren’t taking it. You can’t take food back over the counter.”

(I get her name. She’s never worked for me and she didn’t work for the manager before me. Honestly, I’m quite concerned that she’s cursing in front of her kids that I can hear in the background.)

Me: “Well, that’s nice, but you aren’t getting anything without bringing the product back, because the policy on replacements is manager specific and it’s been this way for almost a year now. And now you’re going to bring in your ID to verify who you are, because I just got off the phone with someone trying to scam food.”

Caller: “Well, if I bring it back, then I get new f****** pizzas and you aren’t f****** taking the old ones. I could just put those in the oven and crisp them up.”

Me: “Fine, but you’re still bringing all three back and bringing your ID in.”

(She hung up. I don’t know if she just wanted me to bend to her will or what. The replacement policy is done to lower the number of scammers, which it does. I told my co-manager to keep an eye out for the crazy lady with the soggy pizzas and four kids. She still hasn’t shown up.)

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In Receipt Of Proof That They’re Lying

, , , | Right | September 4, 2019

(My store has recently had to crack down on theft. Deworming medicine, flea medicine, and bark collars are frequently stolen and then returned. The district manager has told us to refuse all returns of those products without an original receipt. Furthermore, if someone returns the product with their receipt, we are supposed to mark on the receipt that the item was returned. One evening, I get paged to the front. The customer has deworming medicine and calming medicine, about $80 worth of product.)

Cashier: “She wants to return these items. I tried looking up her transaction with two different account numbers she gave me, and neither of them pulled up anything.”

Me: *to customer* “We can still look up the transaction by date. Do you know when you purchased them?”

Customer: “No, but I have my receipt!”

(She hands me the receipt. I look over it and see that the transaction was almost two months ago, and it happened at a store about forty minutes away. However, what really stands out is the large, BURNT hole in the middle, right where the scanned items are listed. I can see pen marks at the edges of the hole where a cashier previously crossed off the items.)

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t accept this receipt because there are pen marks where a cashier crossed them off. These items have already been returned.”

Customer: “What? No, they haven’t! Where do you see that? My receipt got burned by a cigarette!”

Me: *holds out the receipt and points at the pen marks* “See? Someone crossed these items off with a pen, which means they’ve already been returned.”

Customer: “That was my kid playing with a crayon! This is ridiculous! What is your name? I want your store number and your district manager’s name! I’m going to call him and get you in big trouble!”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “Write all that information down! I’m a retail manager, so I know how returns are supposed to work! You are not doing your job correctly!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “I’m going to call [Newspaper] and get you arrested! I’m a retail manager!

(She stormed out. Amazingly, I did not get arrested.)

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Helen Keller Trying To Get To School  

, , , , , , | Right | September 2, 2019

This happened some thirty years ago. I was working for a TV station. In winter, when bad weather caused school closings, they would show the closings at the bottom of the screen. In bad weather, this could take 30 minutes or more to cycle through. We would invariably get people who did not want to watch and would call in to get the information. We had to refuse, as there were just too many people out there and the stations wanted people to watch. One call stuck out.

When told they would have to watch, they told me they were blind, so I had to tell them. I happily explained that we were also announcing the closings on our sister radio stations. They said that would not work as they were deaf also; remember, this is over the phone. 

I gave them the information in sign language.

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That Price Is Fishy

, , , | Right | September 1, 2019

(The store where I work serves ready-made foods which have specific labels on them that no other products in the store have. Most of the foods are under $10. The seafood department has a relatively expensive pack of fish for $25, and the packaging is recognizable to anyone who has worked there for a while. I’m cashiering and a customer is buying this fish. I scan it, expecting the expensive price to come up. Instead, it rings up absurdly cheap. When I look at the barcode on the back of the packaging, I find that one of the food labels has been placed over the barcode. I peel it off and rescan it.)

Me: *to customer* “Sorry about that, sir; it looks like this was placed over the barcode. Your total is now $25.”

Customer: *mumbling while he shuffles away* “Never mind. I don’t want it.”

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