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Thick(headed) As Thieves

, , , , | Right | May 30, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to install your program but it keeps quitting during the set up.”

Me: “Are you getting any error messages?”

Customer: “No, it just quits and I have to restart the installation.”

Me: “At what point does it quit?”

Customer: “Well, it’s on the screen where is says registration code. I hit cancel and then it quits.”

Me: “In order for the installation process to finish, you need to put in a registration code.”

Customer: “Can you give me one?”

Me: “For your program to work, you need to put in the code that comes with it.”

Customer: “Well, how do I find that?”

Me: “It would be on a slip of paper inside the box.”

Customer: “What box?”

Me: “The box that the CD came in.”

Customer: “I didn’t get a box. Could you just give me a code?”

Me: “When you bought the program it came in a box, did you lose the box?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t buy it; I got it from a friend. But I don’t think she bought it either. The CD looks like it was homemade.”

Me: “…homemade?”

Customer: “Yeah, the top of the CD has handwriting on it. It’s just like the music CDs she gives to me.”

Me: “I’m going to have to assume that the person who gave you this CD downloaded the program illegally. I can not provide you with a code to activate the software without a proper purchase.”

Customer: “So now I can’t use it?”

Me: “Not without purchasing it.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to pay for it; I just want to use it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it just won’t work that way.”

Customer: “Well, what good are you, you lousy b****?!” *click*

Shoulda Filled It With Apples

, , , , , , , | Right | April 24, 2008

Customer: “I want to return this computer.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Where is it?”

(The customer puts a badly damaged computer box on the counter. I open the box and find that it’s filled with oranges.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m unable to accept this for return.”

Customer: “When I opened the box, it was filled with oranges! I want my money back.”

Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands me a handwritten receipt from a generic receipt book.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, this is not a store receipt. I’m unable to accept this.”

Customer: “The guy I bought it from said he got it here for $99 dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could return it here. I want my money back! I got ripped off!”

Me: “Sir, I apologize that you gave this guy your money, but it seems he gave you a box of oranges and a fake receipt. I’m unable to help you…”

(At this point, the customer got very loud and started throwing oranges around the store. Someone called the police and he was eventually arrested. To this day, I’m unsure if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy.)


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Kids Say The Truthiest Things

, , , , , | Right | April 6, 2008

(Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

Kid: “What, mommy?”

Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag*

Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

Mom: “…”

Santa: *puts bag back*


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That’s A Latte Coupons

, , , | Right | March 23, 2008

(A woman had been coming in every day and paying for venti drinks with all the trimmings using service recovery coupons. This went on for about a year and a half, and finally, we were told to stop taking them from her. They were old, we had never given any to her, and she could not have acquired so many of them legitimately.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t take any of these coupons, they’re outdated.”

Coupon Lady: “…but I use these all the time. They always take them!”

Me: “They’re outdated. There are new ones now, and we’re not allowed to take the old ones anymore.”

Coupon Lady: *pays for her drinks, leaves*

(The next day Coupon Lady returns with her husband and tries the same thing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I told you yesterday, we will not accept any more coupons from you.”

Husband: “I want to speak to your manager.”

(I go and get a manager; the husband commences shouting at manager.)

Manager: “You’ve been using these coupons almost daily since this location opened. We are not going to accept them anymore.”

Husband: “We know the man in charge! WE GOT THESE FROM THE HEAD GUY!”

Manager: “Sir, if you’d actually gotten these coupons from the man in charge, you would know that the man in charge here is a WOMAN.”


This story is part of the Confused-By-Coupons roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Times Retail Workers Got Short-Changed By Their Bad Customers

 

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How To Scam A Scammer, Part 5

, , , | Right | March 14, 2008

(It’s about closing time, and I’m doing the final stock of the tobacco stuff, while a police officer, there because of problems with theft of in-store merchandise, writes out his nightly report. In walks a very short person, obviously under 19, whiter than Casper, and dressed like a pimp.)

Short Pimp: “Packa Players!”

Me: “ID?”

SP: “What?”

Me: “I need to see your ID, or you can’t have ’em.”

SP: “You don’t need my ID! I’m 21!” *starts cussing*

Me: “Yes, but we have to ask if you look under 40, so hand it over.”

SP: “Well, you’re giving me the smokes anyway, and for free now because of the way you’re treating me.”

Me: “Uh-huh, and I’m Bill Gates.”

SP: “Fine! Here’s my f****** ID!” *hands over an obviously fake ID*

Me: “Okay, do you have a real ID?”

SP: “That is real, a**hole!”

Me: “Dude, no it isn’t. If you’re gonna use a fake ID, get someone who can at least spell Ontario.”

SP: “FINE! I’ll just shoot you and take what I want!

(Short Pimp sticks his hand in his pocket and pretends that there’s a gun in there.)

Me: “Right, because a cop totally isn’t standing right behind you with his very real gun at the back of your head.”

(Officer Cool Guy has gotten up and pulled his “very real gun” [read: just his nightstick, but held like a gun] on Short Pimp, but SP doesn’t know that.)

SP: “It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?”

Me: “Next time, try [Competing Gas Station], and don’t come back.”

(Once SP left, Officer Cool Guy and I tried very hard not to burst out laughing.)