I’m a manager in a fast food restaurant. We received the following comments on a customer survey.

Customer Survey: “They refuse to answer the speaker at night. I had to drive up to the window. They weren’t closed; I checked.”

I ask an employee who was working that night what happened.

Employee: “This crazy lady came through yelling at the speaker! Then, she tried to break in through the dining room door! We gave her the food just to get her to go away!”

I check the security camera, and here’s what I see.

A small, young woman drove up to the speaker. After about thirty seconds, she drove around to the dining room door. She got out to check the hours and then went back to her car. She drove up to the speaker again, waited about ten seconds, and drove up to the first window and then the second. An employee opened the window and they did business. At no point did she appear to scream, kick, or act aggressively.

I immediately return to my employee.

Me: “You’re fired.”

(It is Black Friday and I am pulled to cover a break on the registers. I am checking out a woman with an assortment of electric toothbrushes.)

Customer: “Those are supposed to be on sale.”

(The register only shows the actual price being rung up so it may be on sale and they don’t realize it. I grab my store device which checks prices. It’s not showing it on sale at all.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but what did you think the sale on it was? It might have been put in the wrong spot.”

Customer: “These were all supposed to be buy-one-get-one-free.”

(This instantly sets off an alarm for me because we never ever offer that type of sale, even on Black Friday.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure? That’s not a sale we typically offer. I can have someone double-check the price, though.”

Customer: “No, just never mind. I can’t believe this; even the department girl helped me pick this out.”

(That’s when I knew she was 100% lying. Why? The only person working that department was me and, as I said, I ended up getting pulled to the registers, and most other employees try to stay out of my area due to how difficult some of the customers are. She ended up not taking them and, when I finally went back and looked at the signs, everything was in its place and clearly marked what the sale was. All of the ones she grabbed were the expensive models not on sale at all, while the cheaper ones were on a special where if you buy one you get a $10 gift card. I honestly find it funny that of all the registers she could have gone to, it was mine.)

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Our local grocery store is having a sale on packs of batteries, so I pick some up. The way our store is situated, batteries are at the customer service desk with the cigarettes so that they cannot be shoplifted easily by teenagers.

When I get home, however, my batteries are nowhere to be found. I drive back to the store with the receipt and tell the customer service desk what happened. Amid jeers from the people in line behind me, the employee at the desk finally relents and gives me the batteries.

The next time the store has the sale, the same thing happens. This time, I call the store and mention that the same thing happened last time. The manager gets on the phone and says that the teller forgot to put the batteries in the bag and they’ll be waiting at the customer service desk if I can come back in to get them. So, I make a fourth trip to the grocery store.

This time, I realize that the employee must be doing it on purpose.

On another occasion when they have a sale, I make another trip to buy batteries and only batteries. I march up to the customer service desk.

Me: “I want to buy batteries.”

Employee: “You have to come up here after you’re done with your shopping and pay for it with the rest of your order.”

Me: “I’m not buying anything else.”

Employee: “No, I can only sell batteries after you finish buying your other things.”

I grab a jar of cherries and go back to customer service.

Me: “I’m done shopping. I want to buy batteries. And no bag.”

Employee: “I have to put it in a bag.”

She pulls a pack of batteries off the wall and puts it in a bag with the cherries and my receipt and hands it to me. This time, I take no chances, suspicious of the requirement that I buy something else and put it in a bag. I plop the bag right onto the desk in front of her and pull out the jar of cherries and the receipt and set them next to the bag; sure enough, no batteries. I turn the empty bag upside down.

Me: “So where are the batteries?”

Employee: “Oh, here they are; I set them under the counter for a minute and forgot to put them in the bag.”

The receipt had a customer service survey that I filled out, detailing the problem with buying batteries in the store.

The next time I went to that grocery store, there was a long line leading from the customer service desk which was unstaffed. I don’t know if they fired her or if she recognized me coming and was simply hiding, but I finally bought batteries without issue.

It’s 2020 in good ol’ ‘Murica, and I’ve been phone banking to desperately try and help elect a particular candidate. Because I’m using an autodialer, I sometimes get robo blockers. Normally, they just tell me they aren’t accepting my call or ask for a message to pass on. Simple and straightforward.

Some of them, though, are AI pretending to be people to screw with me. I’ve gotten an abusive “woman” who kept yelling at me about how it was illegal for me to have her number. I also got a very nice “man” who kept interrupting me to make sure I could hear him because he was out on a boat. I find them amusing, call them a bot a few times to make sure, and then hang up.

But the one that takes the cake is the very first one I ever got. I was a young, naive innocent, so the devilish AI ended up wasting three minutes of mine on the phone, and another five on Slack as I told the mods about how they’d never believe the crazy call I got. Here’s the story of the poor AI in the hospital with a pregnant wife in her second day of labor.

As soon as the call picks up, I hear hospital sounds in the background, but I figure that maybe they’re just waiting for something and bored. That doesn’t mean anything. With cell phones, you can reach people anywhere, so a hospital shouldn’t be any different than anywhere else. I open for the umpteenth time that day with:

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name] calling from the [Political Party]. How are you today?”

A frantic and frenzied man answers quickly, rushing through the words.

Man: “Oh! Hi! Thank you so much for calling me! I talked to you yesterday, but I didn’t have tim— Oh, can you hold on one sec? Thanks.”

I wait as I hear him talk to someone about ice chips for a minute. Maybe he has a kid in the hospital getting their tonsils out?

Man: “Hi, are you still there? Sorry about that! My wife is in labor! It’s her second day in the hospital!”

I hear his wife call him again.

Man: “One sec! I really, really want to talk to you!”

Uhhhh… Okay… On one hand, I’m glad he’s really excited about voting, but the election is still a bit over a month out, so shouldn’t he be focusing on his wife? This guy does seem very eager to talk to me, so I hang on the line. Some labor lasts up to a week, and it doesn’t sound like anything’s happening yet. He’s just trying to get his wife water and ice chips. So, feeling rather uncomfortable but wanting to be helpful, I stay on the line.

He keeps coming back, checking I’m there, and as soon as I say two words, he’s off again. For the first five times, it’s about trying to find a nurse for the water and ice chips. 

The next three times he tries to talk to me, he’s called away because he needs to get more pain meds for his wife. First, he calls a passing doctor. Then, they talk. Then, the doctor goes off to hunt for the nurse who’s been administering the meds to see if it’s been long enough to give her more. The man is sounding more and more frantic and harried but keeps thanking me for staying on the line and assuring me he really wants to talk to me. In the end, one vote can change the election, so I’m hanging on like the helpful person I am.

After another minute, he’s called away again by screaming. I hear him panic.

Man: “Oh, God! IS THIS IT?! OHHHH! WHAT DO I DO?! WHAT DO I DO?! UM… UM… UH… CALL THE DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR!”

Now I’m wondering if I should just hang up, or if this is a false alarm and I should hang on for one more minute. Then, the doctor comes.

Doctor: “Yes, it seems she’s all ready. Do you want to stay in the room with her?”

Man: “Oh! I don’t know! I think if I stay I might pass out! Oh, God, I’m feeling nauseated… How can I help? What do you need, honey?! Oh, I don’t feel good! I’m about to pass out!”

At this point, I was feeling very frazzled myself and knew I needed to hang up. He wasn’t coming back to the phone. The call was actually going through my phone, which was hooked up to the autodialer on my computer, and without thinking, I hung up my phone instead of ending the call on my computer. I logged back in, and a button popped up asking, “Continue call?” I clicked it, and the poor guy and his laboring wife were once again on my line. This time, I properly hung up the call and removed myself from calls for a minute.

I needed a few minutes to settle down and tell everyone else about the insane call I had gotten.

That is where I was gently told about robo-blockers and about how detailed and imaginative they can get. In the end, I wasted almost ten minutes and looked like a fool on Slack, but at least I got a good story out of it that will hopefully make some of you laugh. Gods know we need every laugh we can get right now.

When I am about fifteen, my cousin is supposed to take me to the anime and manga convention in a bigger town. I am living in the countryside. I am really excited to go since I just adore watching anime and reading manga. And I am doing some cosplaying, so I am really hoping to bring one of my costumes to the party. The only small problem is money. Since it isn’t a super big convention, it is quite expensive to get the tickets, food, and have some fun there.

Fortunately, I have a bunch of schoolbooks from the past few years of learning and I know a place where you can sell these during the summer in order for somebody to buy them cheaper than in the shop. I can’t get their whole value back for selling these, but it will definitely be enough for convention and then some. I start stacking up all the books, and when my granny asks me what I am doing — she lives with me — I explain where I’m going, what the convention is, and how selling these books will help me cover my expenses. I am really happy to tell her all about the fun things that I will be able to do for three days there.

Then, she tells me a little story about herself.

Grandmother: “When I was ten, I really wanted to have a goat because my friend had a little one and I thought it was really cute. I asked my rich aunt to give me money. My aunt agreed without even asking questions, and she told me exactly where I could buy a small goat. But when I went home to tell my mom about that idea, she snatched the money from my hand and told me that it was not going to happen because we needed to buy food, clothes, etc., not a goat for fun.”

I think that she’s trying to tell me that she is sad that she couldn’t have such fun as a kid. I tell her that I’m feeling sorry for her and don’t think much more of it. I have no idea what is coming.

The next day, when I am supposed to go sell my books, they are gone; they all just disappeared. I immediately get scared that now I can’t go anywhere, but I decide not to panic and just ask everyone in the house what happened to my things. My dad has no idea, nor my brother. I finally confront my grandmother.

Me: “Granny, what happened to those schoolbooks I was going to sell?”

Grandmother: “I have no idea. Someone must have picked them up and hidden them somewhere.”

Me: “I asked literally everyone and no one knows what happened to them. Besides, I already can see on your face that you’re just trying to avoid my questions.”

Grandmother: “Why do you even need these old books?”

Me: “What do you mean? I told you yesterday exactly why I need them.”

Grandmother: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She is acting like our talk never happened and my books never existed. I tell my dad about it. He tells me to forgive her because she’s old and may really not remember that — I know her personality really well and I KNOW that she is just lying to me — and to not worry because he will give me some money. That cheers me up a bit but I am still upset that the books I was about to sell are just gone. We aren’t any kind of rich, so Dad can give me money for tickets and some food, but there is no extra for buying souvenirs, doing lotteries, etc. I was really hoping for that since I was supposed to use only my own money.

After some time, I completely forgot about that accident until I went to my granny’s backyard while helping with something in spring. I looked to the old doghouse because I spotted something weird inside with the corner of my eye. Yup. All my books. All destroyed by the rains, winter, etc. Useless.

I love my grandmother but I still can’t forgive her that she stole my stuff, hoping that I would never go to the dreamed convention just because she couldn’t fulfill her own dream when she was small. I still went there, I still had fun with my cousin, but you know… I was still lied to.