Dying To Be Taken Off Your List

, , , , | Working | December 1, 2017

(My friend answers the phone to an unknown number.)

Friend: “Hullo.”

Caller: “Hello, I can see from our records that you were recently involved in a car accident that wasn’t your fault.”

(My friend doesn’t even own a car.)

Friend: “Yes, I was, but I died in it. I’m dead now.”

Caller: “Oh! Um, er… sorry to hear that. I guess we’ll take your number off our database.”

Bet You Dollars To Donuts He’s After Free Donuts

, , , , , | Right | November 30, 2017

(I work in a fast food restaurant. A woman comes in, visibly shaking with anger. Still, she’s polite to us, so we assume she’s angry at someone other than us. There are two of us here at the moment as it is shift changeover; normally only one person is there at a time.)

Customer: “I’ll have two doughnuts, please.”

Me: *hands over doughnuts* “That will be [price].”

Customer: “Do you have a phone number or website that I could register a complaint with?”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty; is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “I was in here last week and the guy behind the counter was really rude to me! I asked for some doughnuts and he told me to eff off!”

Me: “I’m very sorry you had this experience, but there aren’t any men who work here. There’s only three of us, and we’re all females. Do you remember what time this was?”

Customer: “I was coming home from dropping my husband at the airport, so it was around 10:00 pm.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I’m quite confused. We close at 8:00 pm and throw out remaining stock. Are you sure it was this store?”

Customer: *getting very angry now* “Yes! I took a photo and everything! He was really rude; you’re lucky I bothered coming back!”

Me: “I’ll direct you to our website where you’ll be able to register your complaint with the photo. I really don’t know what to say; as I explained, there’s only three females who work here and we close at 8:00 pm.”

(I called my boss and explained what had happened. As far as we both know, the customer never formally complained nor showed us the photo.)

The Evolution Of A Nuisance

, , , , , | Learning | November 29, 2017

Friend: “How does this evolution stuff work? I thought we were all made by the Lord Almighty in his image.” *crosses his heart*

(The teacher begrudgingly answers the question.)

Me: “Umm, I thought you were an atheist?”

Friend: “I am, but [Teacher] has been lying to my parents about how I’m a nuisance because I disagreed with our last piece of coursework, so I’m going to show her what a real nuisance is like.”

(For three months he asked the most ignorant and mind-numbing questions you can imagine. After our quarterly parent’s evening, he stopped, so I assume it all got sorted out.)

You And The Tech Are Not In Alignment

, , , , , , | Working | November 29, 2017

Me: “I need the oil changed. And also, I think you’d better check the alignment, as I bounced off a curb pretty hard recently.”

(I sit in the waiting room. Within 20 minutes, I’m called to the service desk.)

Service Guy: “Your car’s ready. You owe [low amount].”

Me: “Are you sure? There hasn’t been time to check the alignment, and you haven’t charged me for it.”

Service Guy: “I don’t know about that. You’d have to talk with the technician.”

Me: “Could I talk to the service manager, please?”

Service Guy: “He’s not here.”

Me: “Then I’d like to talk to the technician, please.”

(He looks a bit startled, but gets the tech from the back.)

Me: “I asked to have the alignment checked. Did you do it?”

Tech: “Yeah.”

Me: “I don’t see anything on the paperwork documenting that.”

Tech: “We had it up on the rack to change the oil, and I looked at the alignment. It’s fine.”

Me: “You know, I’m pretty sure checking the alignment is a lot more complicated than that.”

Tech: *condescendingly* “Lady, I looked at it! It’s fine!”

Me: “Would you put that in writing?” *I turn over the paperwork and hand it to him, with a pen*

Tech: “Sure!”

Tech: *writes* “I looked at the alignment and it’s fine.”

Me: “Be sure to sign that, please.”

(He did. I thanked them, paid, and left. The next morning I called and talked to the service manager, explaining what I was told. He asked me to bring the car back in, which I did at my convenience. End of story: free alignment check, and free realignment, because it was way off. And I’m guessing the tech learned not to sign things he wasn’t certain of!)

Returner Burner Until Burning Point

, , , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

(I take my father to lunch. He likes to complain about every little thing in the hopes that he can get a new meal along with the “defective” meal. He has sent back his perfectly fine, well-prepared meal, twice.)

Server: “Let me just get these out of the way, and we will have your correct order up in a few minutes.”

Dad: “Leave them. I can feed them to the dog.”

Server: “F*** you.”

Dad: “What did you just say?!”

Server: “I said, ‘F*** you!’ You try to pull this s*** every time you are in here!”

Dad: “I want to speak to a manager—”

Server: *cutting him off* “I AM THE F****** MANAGER, AND TODAY IS MY LAST DAY! All bets are off. So, as acting manager, for the rest of my two hours left working for this company, I am hereby barring you permanently from this establishment. Now f*** off!”

(Applause erupts from the kitchen as Dad makes a run for the door. The server stops me as I slink away, and then hands me Dad’s food along with mine.)

Server: “You take this. On the house. And you are welcome back here any time, as long as you promise not to share any with him.”

(I never saw that server again, but Dad never tried to weasel his way into a free meal after that. The last day on the job is obviously the best day.)

 

Related:

Returner Burner, Part 7

Returner Burner, Part 6

Returner Burner, Part 5

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