Get Back To Work, Potty Mouth!

, , , , , , | Working | April 27, 2021

I work at a small fast food restaurant. One of my coworkers is notorious for spending large amounts of time in the bathroom — I mean thirty to forty-five minutes, on the clock, in the bathroom. This happens several times in a five-hour shift and it leaves the rest of us struggling to cover her job and ours. I confirm with my boss that the worker has no medical issue that requires this, and my other female coworkers confirm that [Coworker #1] spends the time on her phone. After about three months of this happening…

Coworker #1: “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Me: “This is your second time, and you’ve only been here for like ninety minutes. [Manager] isn’t going to be okay with that.”

Coworker #1: “You know what? I need to s***, so I’m going to s***. It’s illegal to try to stop me.”

Coworker #2: “Actually, it’s illegal to do nothing at work when you’re being paid to do something. Making you do your job is far from illegal.”

Coworker #1: “Tell on me, then. I know the owner of [Fast Food Chain]. He’ll just fire you.”

Me: “You know what? The second you go into the bathroom, I will call [Manager] on her personal phone and tell her what you’re doing. This has gone on long enough. You’re being paid to work, not to play on your phone, so dang it, you are going to do your job. Get back to work, now.”

Coworker #1: “Fine, but I’m going to get you fired for this. I know the f****** owner of [Fast Food Chain].”

Coworker #2: “No, you don’t. He’s actually my uncle, and I would know if you knew him. I don’t like pulling the nepotism card, but my uncle can and will fire you for not working. Now do your job, and quit the freaking swearing; there are kids around.”

[Coworker #1] was fired about a week after.

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H2-Woah, Part 7

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2021

I volunteer part-time at the Washington Monument. A nice tourist family comes up to me.

Nice Family: “Where can I get some water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell bottled water here. The closest place is [direction and distance], and last I saw it was like $3 each.”

The mother of another family overhears this and storms straight over.

Mom:What?! There are some kids right over there selling it for $1 each. You should go buy from the kids.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we really don’t recommend buying from non-licensed vendors. I need to report this to the capitol police so that they don’t sell there anymore.”

Mom: “That’s ridiculous! You’re ripping people off! I bet you’re in league with them and getting your pockets lined!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me ask you a question… When you got your bottle of water, did the kids crack open the bottle before they handed it to you?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s because, in a lot of cases, the water bottle was already opened. They just pretend to open it so that you don’t know it was already opened. We see a lot of kids that fish empty water bottles out of the recycling bins and refill them and sell them to tourists. That’s why we recommend you only buy from licensed vendors.”


She throws the bottle and barely misses my face.


H2-Woah, Part 6
H2-Woah, Part 5
H2-Woah, Part 4
H2-Woah, Part 3
H2-Woah, Part 2

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Probably Would Have Been Better If He Had Just Winged It

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2021

I get a call-in order for our spicy chicken wings. A guy shows up to pick up his order, pays, and goes back to his car. This guy and his girlfriend eat the wings in their car and occasionally look back inside at me.

Half an hour later, the guy comes crashing through the door, yelling and screaming that there are feathers in his chicken wings. I open the box and notice big white CRAFT feathers on top of the fully-eaten wings. The feathers barely have sauce on them except for where they have touched the wings.

Me: “Sir, these are not chicken feathers, and you ate all of the wings.”

Customer: “No! Those are chicken feathers on my wings, and I want new wings!”

Me: “Sir, I can clearly tell you put craft feathers on these. I can’t get any more made.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! Get me your f****** manager!”

I went to the office and the owner of the place was the only one there. I could tell he was in a bad mood. For me, this was perfect! I told him the story and showed him the box. He rolled his eyes and stomped to the front.

The guy told him that his wings had feathers on them and he wanted new wings. Boss Man told him he’s not stupid, those weren’t chicken feathers, and he could go somewhere else if he wanted to try and scam for extra food. Best day of my life! Finally, someone wasn’t getting away with their scams!

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He Knows The Boss, Owner, President, And CEO!

, , | Right | April 22, 2021

I’m a freelance tech, working with specific video game systems and a few other machines. While I work with a few local stores, I don’t have any superiors, as I own the business. I get an email one day asking for a quote on a repair.

Customer: “I need a quote on a repair. It’s broken.”

Me: “Hi there! What machine do you have, and what specific model? Do you know what is damaged? If you aren’t sure, I can give an estimate.”

I don’t hear back for two more days.

Customer: “It’s a [Video Game System I don’t repair]. Don’t know what’s wrong. Need it fixed today.”

The system in question is a line of systems I haven’t yet learned to do repairs on, and as such, I have no tools or parts specific for it.

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t work with [System]. I do know [Other Company] does repairs, so your best option is to contact them.”

Five minutes later, I get a response.

Customer: “You’re lying. I called your boss yesterday. He said you’d fix it in an hour. I’ll call him and tell him you’re lying.”

I’m very sure the person emailing is lying, as I’ve never had a boss in this business or even a partner. My boyfriend occasionally goes with me to pick up systems from the stores I work with, but he isn’t in any way part of the work. In addition, my only contact point is through email, as I have hearing loss and can’t hear over the phone.

Me: “Unfortunately, I am the only employee of [My Company]. If you did speak with someone on the phone, it was someone impersonating me. I have not ever worked with [System]. I can only refer you to [Other Company].”

A reply comes through another five minutes later.

Customer: “I’m going to file a report against you for fraud. Hope you can afford to close.”

A couple of days later, I’m at a store to drop off some finished repairs. I’m talking with the guy there, who also owns the store. I mention the person emailing me about my non-existent boss.

Owner: “Wait, was the emailer [Customer]?”

Me: “Pretty sure, why?”

Owner: “I’ve gotten a few emails from him, too. Then he called. He said he talked to the CEO of [Store] who promised him a free [System] and games. Started screaming at me and said he’d call the cops when I told him I was the owner.”

I asked the other stores I worked with, and most of them said they’d had some experience with that guy. Unfortunately for him, we’re all still in business.

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Time To Install A Brain Upgrade

, , , , , | Learning | April 22, 2021

I work for a small software company affiliated with a nearby university. We are licensed to sell and support the software while students can use it for free. A very small part of my job is monitoring the customer service email. Because we are a small company with clients who email their support engineers directly, it is typically college students looking for an excuse to turn in their homework late. 

I had one guy call the customer service line and leave a voicemail at 5:37 pm and claim he couldn’t do his homework that was due at 5:30 pm because we didn’t pick up. You know, ignoring the fact he had two weeks to contact us and we only answer software questions, which you don’t actually need to do the homework if you are paying attention in class.

I have just given one PhD student a new install package to run.

Student: “I tried to install it and it doesn’t work.”

Me: “I am going to need more information. Can you confirm that it was installed properly by checking to see if [folder] is empty or has files in it?”

The student sends me a heavily clipped screenshot of what doesn’t even look like our software.

Student: “What does this mean?”

Me: “Hello. Unfortunately, I don’t know which context this is in so I cannot help you with that. Let’s focus on troubleshooting. Did you check [folder]? Did you also check your app settings to see if it was installed correctly?”

Student: “Does it matter where it is installed?”

Me: “It does matter where it is installed. That is why I am asking if you can see the files in that folder or not. Can you please let me know if they are there?”

Student: “Can’t you just send me a new license?”

Me: *Thinking* “Are you going to actually install it this time or not?”

For the record, it turned out he was trying to install a second copy on his work computer, which is a big no-no and goes against the contract he signed. It also didn’t work out for him because of permissions at his work. Oh, well.

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