How To Scam A Scammer, Part 6

, , | Right | April 20, 2009

(I’m a customer waiting for my pizza and overhear this conversation.)

Cashier: *to another customer* “Hey, what can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a bottle of water, please.”

Cashier: “Sure, that’ll come to $1.09.”

(The customer hands him two dollars, and then pauses.)

Customer: “Actually, could I get you to exchange these five ones for a five?”

Cashier: “Sure.”

Customer: “Oh, wait… can I exchange the two fives for a ten?”

(This continues for a few minutes until the cashier smiles and says that he has to get back to work helping me, since my pizza is ready. The guy leaves.)

Me: “People like that always make me nervous. I’ve had bad run-ins with short changers.”

Cashier: “Yeah, I was wise to his game, though.”

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

Cashier: “Yeah. He shorted himself two dollars.”


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Many Hats, But An Empty Head

, , , | Right | April 16, 2009

(We were having a sale on used DVDs. The price reductions were delayed in the computer system download, so we had to re-price every item manually. A customer came up with several used movies for purchase.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total is $249.75.”

Customer: “What? Did you miss some? I added it up, it should be more.”

Me: *after checking* “No, sir. We’re in the middle of doing our price changes, so all the movies you have that are marked $12.99 each are actually marked down to $9.99 each.”

Customer: “What? That’s illegal. The price sticker has to have the correct price on it.”

Me: “Sir, as I said, we’re in the process of re-stickering all of the DVDs. The 25 movies you’re buying are actually cheaper than you thought they would be.”

Customer: “But they’re priced wrong. That’s illegal.”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you we are doing nothing illegal, and if you’d like–”

Customer: “It is illegal! I’M A LAWYER!”

Me: “Okay… I can adjust the price so that the movies are all $12.99 instead of $9.99 if you’re really angry about saving $75.00. Is that what you want me to do?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Me: “What would you like me to do then?”

Customer: “I think I should get some free movies.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any free movies.”

Customer: “I’m a lawyer. It’s illegal. You need to give me five free movies or I’m calling the authorities.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you anything for free. As it is, you thought the price of these DVDs was much more than it turned out to be, so you’re already getting a deal…”

Customer: “I don’t care. This is horrible service! This is no way to run a business. If I ran my restaurant this way, I’d be out of business!”

Me: “So, are you a lawyer or a restauranteur?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Would you like to pay for the movies, or would you like me to cancel the sale?”

Customer: *hands over credit card*

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Dirty Deeds For Dirt Cheap Clothes

, , | Right | April 1, 2009

(A customer walks out of our fitting rooms holding a top, and she has an angry look on her face.)

Customer: “This top is dirty. Can I get a discount?”

Me: “It just looks like some of your makeup has rubbed off on it; I’m sure it will come out in the wash.”

Customer: “It isn’t makeup; can you give me a discount?”

Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure it is.”

Customer: *getting louder* “It’s not okay! I dropped it on the ground and stood on it!”

Me: “You stood on it and made it dirty, and you want a discount?”

Customer: “…I’ll just go get another size then…”

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And The Cycle Starts Anew

, , , | Right | March 31, 2009

(A customer stomps into my store and starts yelling at me.)

Customer: “I had an allergic reaction to a [Specific Drink] from the store in [Other Location] and the manager there said I could have whatever I wanted here for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I had to drive out to [Hospital] last night and I was there until four in the morning! The people at [Other Location] said I could have anything I wanted! I had an allergic reaction!”

Me: “Well, then… what would you like?”

Customer: “I want two [Specific Drink]s…”

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One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

, , | Right | March 31, 2009

Customer: “Yeah, we were in earlier and ordered two turkey sandwiches, a ham sandwich, and a club sandwich, all a foot long. There were flies in them so I want you to give me a refund.”

Manager: “There were flies in your sandwiches?”

Customer: “Yes, it was gross. I want my money back!”

Manager: “Well, where are the sandwiches? Why didn’t you bring them right back?”

Customer: “I was already home by the time we opened them.”

Manager: “Well, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No! I just want my money back. There were flies in my sandwiches!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to check and make sure there was an order that matches before I can see about a refund.”

Customer: “…huh?” *long pause, then hurries out of the store*


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