Like so many others, I was laid off because of the health crisis. I start filling out job applications. One application is for an office job writing bids at a security contractor in my old hometown. I’ve never heard of the company before, but they have a very distinctive name.

I don’t think anything of it, but lo and behold, I get a call back from a third-party Human Resources person on behalf of that company to vet me for the role. Everything goes okay, except the HR representative says that the job is at a company with a similar but obviously not the same name as the one I applied to. I pull up the company’s website — which, please note, is full of buzzwords like “honor,” “trust,” and, “integrity” — while I am talking to the HR representative, and it appears that both companies are subsidiaries of the same parent company. The parent company actually has roughly a half-dozen subsidiaries, all with similar names. We both figure that someone on their end made a mistake, and the HR representative says he’ll forward my resume to the company.

Fast forward a week. The company’s hiring manager calls me. The interview goes well… right up until I ask which company I’ll be working for.

Hiring Manager: “Oh, it’s all the same company. Those are just the different brands we operate as. See, most of our work is with the Federal Government, and according to the rules, if you’re awarded a government contract, once that contract expires, you can only re-bid on it once. In other words, if you win the contract twice in a row, you can’t bid on it again. So, when that happens, we re-bid for the contract under a different name. That way, we never actually lose the contract.”

The more he described the company and why it was structured the way it was, the more it became incredibly obvious that the whole thing had been deliberately and specifically set up in such a way as to enable them to cheat their way into government contracts. The office I’d be working in was actually a small satellite office with just the owner’s brother and maybe one other family member, not corporate HQ as indicated in the job listing; most of the workers were clear on the other side of the country. And the more he described the office and my actual responsibilities — I’d have basically been a glorified secretary for the owner’s brother — the less and less comfortable I became.

The interview FINALLY ended, and the hiring manager said he’d be in touch. Thankfully, I never heard back from them. First and only place I’ve ever interviewed where I’m glad they ghosted me. Forget the creepy work arrangement and their lying about what the actual job was; I have too much integrity — actual integrity, not just a buzzword on a website — to knowingly work for a bunch of admitted crooks. Plus, I don’t want to be within a mile of any of their offices when they finally get raided by the Feds. And let’s be real: if they’re dumb enough to out-and-out admit they’re fraudsters to a prospective employee, it’s only a matter of time before they get shut down and the execs get thrown in prison.

[Student] is in our engineering course. He doesn’t listen to anything the lecturer says, doesn’t make notes, and is often late. Halfway through the year, he brags that he hasn’t done a single assignment himself. He either paid someone to write them or bought them online.

As someone who struggles daily, this infuriates me. Just because he has money, why should he have the easy life?!

After another bragging session a few weeks on, I speak to my professor, who tells me sadly that if there is no proof and the plagiarism isn’t evident, they can’t do anything about it. But “these people never get far.”

I take that as some meaningless platitude and try my best to avoid [Student] altogether.

The rest of the year, I struggle through the course getting average marks. [Student] gets 100% every time. Right at the end of the academic year, this happens:

Lecturer: “Good news, everyone! We have decided to scrap the last assignment.”

Cheers come from the class.

Lecturer: “But we will be having a test, instead.”

Cue lots of groans.

Lecturer: “Don’t worry. We devised a special one, just for this class.”

We all crammed like crazy. [Student] was particularly panicking. When we got to the test, it was incredibly easy, with basic answers from the coursework, just simple understanding questions. Everyone finished it in minutes… all apart from [Student].

He got a redo, failed, then had a retest date, and he failed that, too. He couldn’t pass without the exam and ended up repeating the whole year.

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of August 2021 roundup!

I deal with a doctor who rents a clinic office in a professional building for doctors and other medical professionals. One of the terms of her lease is that she is locked in for a period of five years unless she dies, retires, or sells her practice to someone willing to assume her lease.

I get an email from this doctor.

Doctor: “Hello, I am retiring from my practice and wish to terminate my lease. Please send me the paperwork required to terminate the lease.”

I dutifully do up the paperwork for ending her lease and reply to her email.

Me: “Hello, [Doctor], please find attached the application to end the lease. If you could provide us with a copy of your notice to the College of Physicians retiring your practice, we will begin processing your application.”

Not ten minutes later, I get a phone call. It’s the doctor, and she’s irate.

Me: “Hello, [Doctor], what can I help you with?”

Doctor: “I can’t believe that you are trying to force me out of a job! You’ve asked me to retire! I don’t want to retire! How dare you imply that I’m not fit to do my job?!”

Me: “[Doctor], we asked for your retirement paperwork because you specifically informed us that you were looking to get out of your lease because you are retiring. Is that not true?”

Doctor: “Of course it’s not true! I don’t want to retire; I just want to get out of my lease!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Doctor], but your lease clearly states that you are responsible for the full term of five years unless you die, retire, or assign your practice.”

Doctor: “I know that!”

Me: “So are you retiring, or are you staying with your practice?”

Doctor: “I’m not retiring! You’re an idiot!” *Click*

I have taken my car in for service because the electrical system keeps resetting in weird ways every time I turn the car off. Once the technicians have looked at my car, I get this call.

Tech: “Hi. We’ve taken a look at your car and it seems like the battery is faulty. You need a new battery.”

Me: “Okay, but you just installed a new battery in this car less than a month ago.”

Tech: “Oh, ummm…”

Me: “And that battery was a replacement for the battery you installed two months before that.”

Tech: “Oh, yes, I see that in the system.”

Me: “Maybe worth another look, eh?”

Tech: “I’ll take this off your bill right now. Can I call you back?”

I meet a woman online and agree to go for a date. I go to the bar and don’t recognise her straight away as she is double the size I was mentally expecting and her hair a different colour and style altogether.

We chat, we drink, and we eventually find a table to grab something to eat. We chat some more and get on, but everything she tells me about herself just makes me question myself a little more and more. I think I’m going crazy or mixing her up with someone else.

When she goes to the toilet, I check the dating app. No, I was right; she posted completely different information about herself, the photos are of her but from what looks like a long time ago, and she mentioned wildly different tastes in books, films, hobbies, food, etc. I think maybe she has just not updated it in a while, but then again, a lot of it is relevant, new music, etc.

She comes back and we start chatting again.

Woman: “What was it you do for a living again?”

Me: “Oh, I work in a school. Did you say you worked in a bank?”

Woman: “No, I work in a supermarket. Not sure where you got bank from.” *Laughs*

I got it from her profile.

Me: “Oh, my mistake, then, sorry. Oh, I’m going on a muddy runner in a couple of weeks. They are still accepting applicants if you want to join me.”

Woman: “What’s that?”

Again, her profile states she has done three.

Me: “You know, running, mud, obstacles… It should be fun.”

Woman: *Laughs* “Do I look like I would be interested in those?”

Me: “I’m not sure. Everything on your profile seems to say something different.”

Woman: “Oh, everyone lies a little on those.”

Me: “Sure, but not everything about them. It’s like talking to a different person. Listen. I’ve enjoyed myself, I have. But I’m finding it a bit weird that I’m meeting someone who presents such a false image of themselves.”

Woman: *Suddenly angry* “Fine! Whatever! Leave, then. Pay at the bar.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but trust is important to me, especially these days. And I don’t feel like I know who you are.”

She ignored me. I guess I understand. I paid my half of the bill at the bar and went home. It wasn’t long before I got a stream of offensive messages, first trying to justify herself, and then yelling at me for not paying for her, too.

I took a break from online dating for a while, only to come back and see her profile, completely new, and again completely fictional. I hope she finds herself before she finds someone else.