Wish You Could Throw Customer Service Out The Window

, , , , , , | Right | November 28, 2017

(I work front desk at a hotel and I get a call from an in-house guest.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m in 417 and all my light bulbs are burnt out. I have no light in here and I’ve got work to do. Can you send someone up here to fix them, please?”

Me: “Absolutely, ma’am. I’ll be right up.”

(I highly doubt that all of her bulbs are burnt out, so I grab only two spare lights and head upstairs to see what the problem is. I get to her room and knock.)

Me: “Hi! So, which lights are not working?”

Customer: “None of them! They won’t turn on; I’ve tried everything.”

(I walk over to the first lamp, turn the switch, and the light comes on.)

Customer: “Oh…”

(I go to the other lamps on either side of the bed, turn the switches on each of them, and they both turn on. I repeat this with each light in the room, turning knobs and flipping switches; they all work.)

Customer: “Well, I feel stupid now.”

(In my mind I’m thinking, “Well, that’s because you ARE stupid,” but of course, I don’t actually say that.)

Me: “Oh, no worries; those lights can be pretty tricky sometimes. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes, actually, can you close that window for me? I had trouble getting it to open all the way, and now I can’t close it.”

(I go to close it and notice right away that the window is open ABOVE the little plastic piece that normally keeps the window from opening more than seven inches.)

Me: “Well, this is odd.”

Customer: “Yeah, I had to force it open; I hope I didn’t break it.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m going to go grab a screwdriver to try to fix this. I’ll be back in a moment, okay?”

Customer: “Sure, no problem. I really hope I didn’t break it.”

(I go put away the two unused light bulbs, grab a screwdriver, and head back upstairs. As soon as I try to fix it, I see exactly what the problem is.)

Me: “Well, it looks like someone forced this window to open above the plastic guard. See that plastic bit that the window was resting on? That is supposed to stop the window from opening any further. Somebody forced the window up past it, and now the mechanism is broken. See here?” *I point to a large, cracked piece of plastic on the window itself* “It’s cracked and broken, and the little mechanism inside is stuck. I won’t be able to close it. I think you did, in fact, break it when you forced it open, so most likely you will be billed for the damage.”

Customer: “Oh, but I never forced anything! It was already like that when I checked in; the window was already open!”

Me: “But you just told me you hoped you didn’t break it because—”

Customer: “No, I never said I had trouble opening the window, or that I forced it. I never told you those things earlier. So… Can I get a new room?”

Me: *sigh* “Yes, ma’am, I will get you a new room.”

(We only had one other room of that kind available, but the customer didn’t like it because there was no desk in it. She insisted on a room with a desk, so I ended up upgrading her and increased the price accordingly. She fought with the manager the next morning, and eventually my boss gave the upgrade for free and decided not to bill her for the damage. His logic was that the guest would be happy and come back. She ended up leaving a very negative and false review of our hotel, and she never came back. She was a one-shot guest who caused more trouble than she was worth.)

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Shipping Not In Ship Shape

, , , , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(Christmas is coming, so we are shipping a lot of items. A customer has placed an order over the phone and I ship him his packages. Two days later, he calls asking where his order is. I check the tracking, which shows the package as delivered and says that it was left on his porch that morning. The customer says this is not the case, nor is this the first time his packages have gone missing with this shipping company. I file for a refund and insurance with the shipping company and send a replacement. The next day, I get an unexpected call.)

Cop: “Hi, this is [Officer]. I was hoping you could clear some things up. We have been finding a number of packages left at a vacant house located at [Address] Road. We are investigating this activity, but I found a package recently shipped by your company to a [Customer]. I was wondering if this was a legitimate purchase?”

Me: “Yes, I shipped a package to [Customer], but the address was [Address] Street, not Road.”

Cop: “Well, you have the address correct on the package. Can you contact the customer and verify the address is [Address] Street? I can take it around to him and see if he can clear some things up.”

(I do, and the customer later calls me to say the police officer brought his package to him and asked him to open it to verify the contents. He then left a statement about other packages that had gone missing recently. A day later I get another call.)

Cop: “Hi, this is [Officer] again. We found another box from your company sent to [Customer] but delivered to the abandoned house.”

Me: “That must be the replacement package I shipped to [Customer] before you called me.”

Cop: “Do you need this to get to [Customer] or does it need to be sent back to you?”

Me: “Well, it’s a low value order, it’s been taken out of inventory, and [Customer] already has his package, so it doesn’t matter too much.”

Cop: “Would you mind if we left it here? We want to see if someone comes to pick up the package.”

Me: “No problem.”

(The next day he calls back.)

Cop: “I’d like to thank you for your cooperation, and I was wondering if we could get a statement from you? The shipping company had a seasonal driver who was leaving packages at similarly named street addresses that were empty houses. His brother would go around and pick them up that night.”

Me: “Wow! No problem. What do you think the chances of the shipping company refunding me the $25 are?”

Cop: “Considering I talked to the driver’s boss, and he claimed he knew this was an issue for months, it was an honest mistake, and that the driver was just reading the labels incorrectly in the same manner?”

Me: “Not worth the red tape. Gotcha.”

(I sent copies of what the police sent me to corporate, who decided to start using a different shipping company.)

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Trying To Get A Cheap Room Is A Team Effort

, , , , , , | Right | November 27, 2017

(A man calls the hotel. He is obviously inebriated.)

Caller: “Yeah, what is the cheapest room you guys have?”

Me: “That would be our standard room with one bed, and that is currently going for $106 per night.”

Caller: “What?! Why the h*** is it so expensive?! I just had a room with you guys and I only paid $62, and that was for a larger room for two nights? What the h***?”

Me: “$62? That doesn’t sound like anything we offer here, and we haven’t changed our prices in nearly three years. When did you stay last?”

(He gives me the date and his full name. I pull up the reservations and verify the price.)

Me: “So, you stayed here on [dates] in a room with two queen-sized beds, for four people; is that correct?”

Caller: “Yes, that’s me.”

Me: “And you paid cash and debit?”

Caller: “Yes. No, I only paid cash, no debit, and it was $62 all together.”

Me: “Well, let’s see, your address is [address]?”

Caller: “Yeah! That’s me! It was $62 for the two nights, right?”

Me: “Actually, sir, it says here you paid $109 plus tax, and you paid a combination of cash and debit for a total of just under $250.”

Caller: “Okay, yeah, but you guys gave me a discount because there were teams there and they were making noise.”

Me: “I’m looking at your bill, sir, and there was no discount applied anywhere. Even if there were, I still couldn’t give you a room at that price. The discount wouldn’t apply.”

Caller: “Well, are there any teams coming in this week? If there’s a team I can get it for $62, right?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t offer discounts just because we have teams staying here; that’s not how we do business.”

Caller: “Well, what the f***?! You guys don’t believe in courtesy and comfort? How the h*** can people sleep when there are teams there, playing in the halls and making noise? I can’t sleep when you have teams in, so I should get a discount. That’s f***ed up!”

Me: “First of all, if we had people playing in the halls and making noise we would kick them out; we would not allow them to disrupt our guests and then just offer a discount for the inconvenience of not being able to sleep. That would be ridiculous. Second, we’ve never, in seven years that I’ve worked here, had a hockey team behave in that way. In fact, we pride ourselves in the fact that we work so closely with these teams, and they are nothing but kind and courteous. Third, if you know, as you claim, that you can’t get any sleep here when we have teams, why would you specifically ask for a room on a night when we have a team in? That makes no sense. In any event, the room is $106 plus tax per night, breakfast included. If you want a room, I will happily rent to you at this price, but I have to ask that you sober up a little before you come to check in; we have many guests in tonight and I wouldn’t want to disturb anybody.”

Caller: “You’re f****** crazy, b****! This is a s*** town for losers to live in. I can get a suite in [Big City four hours away] for $30, tax included!”

Me: “Really? Because I was there a couple months ago, and the cheapest rooms were the dingy road-side motels that were going for $89.”

Caller: “Okay, yeah, I lied. Just give me a f****** room; it’s my girlfriend’s birthday.”

Me: “Sir, based on your behavior during this call, I will not be renting to you this evening. I suggest you try the truck stop motel across the bridge; they are the only other place in the area that charges less than us, and they have a bar and restaurant on site with security. You might be more comfortable there. Have a good night.”

(I hang up, message my boss to tell her about it and she tells me I did the right thing. An hour later, a well-dressed woman in an expensive luxury car pulls up. As I’m getting her information, I realize that the address is really familiar.)

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but are you in any way related to [Caller]?”

Customer: “Yes! He’s my boyfriend. I think he spoke to you earlier, correct?”

Me: “Um, yes, he did, and honestly, after that, my boss and I are not comfortable renting to him.”

Customer: “You see, this is how it is. My boyfriend is full of s***. Last time we were here, I paid for the room myself on my debit and covered the rest in cash. We were here with another couple, and at the end I split the final bill between the four of us, and he paid me back his share, which was $62. He got it in his drunken little head that the room only cost $62 for the two nights. When he finally got off the phone, I told him he was an idiot; that’s why he’s sitting in the car waiting for me instead of standing here beside me.”

Me: “Oh… well, okay, then. I guess I can rent to you, but I do need a cash deposit, and I need your word that there won’t be any problems tonight. If there are, my boss will have my head tomorrow.”

Customer: “I promise that there will be no issues. We have three kids, and it’s impossible to get any time alone for whoopee, you know? This is like a treat for us. I’ll keep him busy for you; no worries there, hun.” *winks*

(I ended up renting them the room for two nights, and there were no issues, but the man refused to make eye contact with me for the duration of their stay.)

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I Don’t Give A Netflux

, , , , | Working | November 24, 2017

(One of the major ISPs in Indonesia, who’s also the main telecommunications provider, is blocking Netflix since its expansion, due to Netflix’s refusal to share its revenue with the ISP. To compensate, they provide their own rip-off streaming services, but the service is really bad. One day I decide to stop my subscription, since they’re blocking Netflix, and also due to their really silly Internet filter. If we cancel our subscription, we could also lose our landline, and I don’t want to lose it, so I need to make sure.)

Me: “Hello, I want to cancel my subscription to your Internet service. But I have one question: would I lose my landline number?”

ISP: “All right, ma’am. Could you tell us the reason you’re ending your subscription?”

Me: “I can’t watch Netflix. You block them.”

ISP: “Sorry, but they’re not our product. To stream movies and TV series, we suggest [Rip-Off Streaming Service #1] and [Rip-Off Streaming Service #2]. Have you reconsidered?”

Me: “YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter are not your products, either, but I can still access them; why is that? Besides, your streaming service is really poor, and it crashes most of the time.”

ISP: “Netflix doesn’t cooperate with us, but the other sites have.”

Me: “So, you decided to just block them?”

ISP: “Netflix’s content is full of violence, so we decided not to cooperate with them.”

Me: “But [Rip-Off Streaming Service #1] and [Rip-Off Streaming Service #2] have also provided violent content in their service. To be fair, the responsibility of filtering content is the customer’s responsibility, and I’m capable of it.”

ISP: *ignoring my comment* “I’m sorry, ma’am. They’re not compliant to this country’s regulation.”

Me: “First you say it’s because they don’t cooperate with you, then you say that it’s because their content is violent, then you say that they’re not compliant with regulations? Which one is true?”

ISP: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have [Rip-Off Streaming Service #1] and [Rip-Off Streaming Service #2] with quality movies; have you reconsidered?”

Me: “…”

(I guess I won’t mind losing my phone number, then.)

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A Triple Threat

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

(I work at a fast food place. A customer comes up to the front counter.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I ordered a triple burger and you only gave me a double.”

(I have just gotten off my break.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. My coworker must have gotten the wrong order. May I see the burger?”

(He hands me the bag, which has a triple burger in it.)

Me: “Sir, that is the triple burger.”

(He huffs and walks away only to come back a minute later with the bag.)

Customer: “If it’s a triple burger, why does it only have two pieces of meat?”

Me: “May I see it?”

(Carefully, I grab the burger by the wrapper and open it up, using the wrapper, and count three.)

Me: “Sir, there are three.”

Customer: “What? Where?”

(I point and count out three, still holding it by the wrapper.)

Customer: “You just touched it! Why would you touch it?”

Me: “Sir, I was very careful; I only touched the wrapper.”

Customer: “Can I get a new one anyway?”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(I took his food and threw it away and had a new burger made, so he wouldn’t get a second for free like he wanted.)

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