I work at a restaurant. An older couple comes in. They order just one meal and say they’ll share. I bring the meal out to them. The wife motions me over after a couple of minutes.

Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “This entire plate is cold!”

She has fried chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes. I know it’s not cold because I just brought it out. She sticks her finger directly into the mashed potatoes.

Customer: “These are stone cold! I want a new meal!”

I go to take the old plate and she stops me.

Customer: “Oh, no. We’ll keep this one since it’ll be a while before our hot food comes out.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have to take the plate.”

Customer: “I demand to see your manager!”

Surprise, surprise! My manager speaks to her and lets them keep the plate because they’re being a**holes but asks the cooks to make a new one anyway.

I bring out the second meal to the table and they eat. I bring them the bill — for just one meal and their drinks.

Customer: “Why isn’t there a discount? Our food came out cold!”

Me: “Ma’am, you got two meals for the price of one.”

And I walked away.

For the remainder of my time there, they never came back.

Back in 1989, I had just moved to a new area. I was working at a hotel, and after work, a friend and I would frequent a restaurant between work and home. Over the next few weeks, I ended up flirting with one of the workers back and forth. I was young and naive. Turns out, she was a recent new mother but the father was gone as they were separated.

I worked up the courage to ask her out.

Worker: “Okay, but I can’t commit to a time right now.”

I felt that was understandable. A few days later:

Worker: “I’m off tomorrow night if you’re free.”

Me: “Sure. Where would you like to meet, and when?”

Worker: “Wait until I’m off work.”

That had me waiting in the parking lot until closing. As I waited, they closed. There was another car in the parking lot picking up another coworker, but I thought nothing of it. That’s when the police showed up. The worker walked out with the assistant manager and pointed toward me. The police then came over to me.

Police Officer: “Why are you here?”

Me: “I’m supposed to be picking up [Worker] for a date.”

Police Officer: “Her husband is in that car over there to pick her up.”

A day or two later, I went back there with my friend there and saw her.

Me: “Why didn’t you just tell me you were married?”

She didn’t answer me. As we were eating, the assistant manager came out.

Assistant Manager: “You are harassing [Worker] and you need to leave.”

We did leave, and we didn’t go back to that location again.

Fast forward several months. We had moved, and we went to a different location of the same fast food chain. The new manager there was the assistant manager that had kicked us out at the other location. He was all apologetic, offered us some free food, and explained:

Assistant Manager: “She played that same game with a few other guys, it turns out. She was eventually fired for it.”

I am guessing she wanted to get her husband jealous to get attention or something. It was a learning experience for me, and I became a bit more untrusting of people’s motives after that.

Customer: “I want a discount on this plate. It has a chip.”

There is the tiniest chip on the plate. My manager knocks it down a dollar and I go to take the tag off because it immediately becomes non-exchangeable if the price is changed.

Customer: “No, I want you to ring up the discount price and keep the tag so I can exchange it later for the original price.”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s stealing.”

I am currently apartment hunting, but it has been a long and time-consuming project trying to find something within my budget. I only have two requirements: it must allow my cat, and it must have a balcony I can grow food on. I don’t think that’s insane criteria, but in my city, it sometimes seems like it is.

I found one unit that was slightly above my budget. It was tiny and ugly, and it would mean almost an extra hour on the bus to visit my girlfriend or my doctors, and I knew the layout would make me want to scream within weeks. But it allowed cats, and the ad had several pictures of a balcony large enough to support enough of a garden to make gardening worth it, so I figured I could make it work. I fired off the email I had tailored to introduce myself and explain what I was looking for, and after a couple of days of chasing them down, I finally set up a time to view it.

The day arrives. From the outside, the building is in a nice quiet area, close to stores, and would even have something that could be considered a half-decent view. I’m starting to feel better about potentially living here — excited, even. I meet the landlady, and we head upstairs to the apartment.

She unlocks the door, and the first thing I notice is… there’s no balcony.

I stare at her.

Me: “There’s no balcony.”

Landlady: “That’s correct.”

Me: “I specifically told you I was looking for a balcony.”

Landlady: “Well, I never said there was a balcony!”

I turned around and walked out without another word. I still have no idea what the h*** she thought was going to happen.

I’m also baffled by the builder that would bother putting balconies on a building, but only for half the units.

I keep getting a lot of scam calls. Lately, it’s been the Medicare and insurance scammers. As they are going into their monologue, I interrupt them.

Me: *In a very monotone voice* “Name, please.”

Scammer: “Oh, it’s [Scammer], and I—”

Me: “Business name, please.”

Scammer: “I’m calling from the Medicare office to make sure you—”

Me: “Account number, please.”

Scammer: “Ummm… what?”

Me: *In a more aggravated tone* “I need your account number, please.”

Scammer: “Oh, no, I’m calling to—”

Me: “I cannot assist you without your account number. You know that by now. What is it?”

Scammer: “Ummm, no, I’m—”

Me: “WHAT IS YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER? I will not assist you without it. Do you need a moment to find it or do you need to call back?”

This is usually the point they hang up. If they don’t, I keep interrupting them, demanding an account number. I have a recording of hold music for the next one that doesn’t. I plan on telling them I will give them a moment to find their account number and putting the music on. I am curious to see how long they will stay on the line before hanging up.