The Mother Of All Excuses

, , | | Right | September 29, 2009

Caller: *crying* “I need an emergency credit on my account! My mom’s been in a car wreck and I can’t call the hospital because I don’t have any time on my phone.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that your mom’s been in an accident. Let me look at your account to see if we can put a one time courtesy credit on there.”

(I see that there have been $30 in credits given over the last month. I also notice her mother has been missing, dying, dead, beat up by a drunk boyfriend, stabbed, shot, and taken to the hospital because of a drug overdose. And now, she has been injured in a car wreck.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t put the credit on your account. You’ve received several courtesy credits in the past, and as per corporate policy we’re not allowed to give you any more.”

Caller: “But my mom’s in the hospital! She might die!”

Me: “I know how this kind of situation can be really rough on someone. Maybe a friend of yours will let you use their phone?”

Caller:“So you’re not going to put any money on my account?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your account is not eligible for any further credits.”

Caller: “F*** you, b****!” *hangs up*

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Literary Emergency

, , , , | | Right | March 3, 2009

(During a busy day right before Christmas, a woman comes up to my register, cutting the entire line, and slaps a gift card down on the counter.)

Customer: “I need fifty dollars on this gift card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I’m afraid you’ll have to wait.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting here before any of these people got here! I NEED THIS GIFT CARD NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I just can’t do that. You’ll have to wait like everyone else.”

Customer: “Now you’re just pretending you didn’t see me just so you can be a little b**** and tell me no! I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no need to yell. I was busy with customers and didn’t see you standing there. I apologize for that, but I really must ask you to wait in line.”

Customer: “NO! You little b****! You don’t understand! I am a nurse! This is for a patient!”

Me: “My answer won’t change.”

Customer: “This is for a patient! It’s Christmas! Don’t you have a f****** heart?! Where is your Christmas spirit?!”

Me: “I’m Jewish.”

Customer: “Put fifty dollars on this gift card before I get you fired! This is for a patient and he is dying! I need it now!”

Me: “If he’s dying, what the h*** is he going to do with a gift card?”

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All Signs Point To Yes

, , | | Right | February 20, 2009

(A customer is at the refund counter to return a DVD player. I get called over to inspect it, because I work in the electronics department.)

Coworker: “Alright, everything seems okay. May I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands over her receipt, but it’s dated July. It was November at the time. Our return policy only allows for 45 days.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, I cannot give you a refund, because this is from July.”

Customer: “But the electronics associate said I can return it anytime!”

Coworker: “Do you remember who it was?”

Customer: “It was that young man!” *points towards me*

Me: “Ma’am, I have never told you such a thing.”

Customer: “Yes you did! Are you calling me a liar?!”

Me: “Well, I’m just a seasonal worker who got hired two weeks ago, so…”

 

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Fact Check Fail

, , , | | Right | February 17, 2009

Customer: “I want a refund. NOW!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “I came through the drive-thru about fifteen minutes ago, and you shorted me six tacos!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well?!”

Me: “We don’t have a drive-thru.”

Customer: *slinks out of the store*

 

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The Magical Mocha Phone

, , , | | Right | October 21, 2008

(I used to repair phones for an office.)

Customer: “My phone is broken.”

Me: “Can you please describe the problem?”

Customer: “It’s broken.”

Me: “In what way?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Do you have a dial tone? Can you not dial a specific number?”

Customer: “Nothing happens. It’s broken.”

Me: “Where is your desk?”

Customer: “Second floor, cube ***.”

(Upon arriving, I find the phone with no lights, no dial tone, no anything. On a hunch, I ask…)

Me: “Did you spill coffee in it?”

Customer: “No!”

(I grab the phone, tilt it and coffee pours out.)

Me: “Huh.” *glares at customer*

Customer: “I DIDN’T spill coffee in it!”

Me: “Riiight.”

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