(I get into an argument with a coworker who is annoyed that our boss is giving those who asked the day off to go to the Pride Parade. Although I am straight, a few of my family members are not and I am going to Pride to support them.)
Coworker: “I don’t get why [Boss] is giving you that day off! You’re not even gay!”
Me: “So? Ever heard of allies?”
Coworker: “Oh, my God! Everyone is asking for the day to just slack off! You know that’s our busiest day! God, is anyone going even gay?”
Me: “Uh, yeah. You know some of our coworkers are gay, right? They wear pins all the time, and their wives even come by to pick them up.”
Coworker: “Who?”
Me: “Seriously, how have you not noticed? It’s [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2]. Their wives are so nice and—”
Coworker: “What? They aren’t lesbians! They don’t look like lesbos.”
Me: “You can’t tell people’s sexualities by looking at them.”
(My coworker laughs and walks away; however, the next day, he corners me in the break room before I sign in.)
Coworker: “You know how you said yesterday about not being able to tell people are lesbos by just looking at them?”
Me: “Well, I said you cannot tell people’s sexualities just by looking at them, not just lesbians.”
Coworker: “Yeah, whatever. I talked to your uncle while you were getting your stuff from the back yesterday and he agreed with me. Straight people just have good gaydar, I guess. Even your own family agrees with me and—” *he stops since I burst out laughing* “What? What is so funny?”
Me: “You just disproved yourself!”
Coworker: “What?”
Me: “You just said my uncle’s straight, right?”
Coworker: “Wait—”
Me: “You told my uncle, who is gay by the way, that you can tell people are gay just by looking at them. You said all this without realising my uncle was gay!”
Coworker: “But he looked straight!”
Me: “Is your definition of gay wearing sequins and having a feminine voice? Gay people come in all different shapes, races, and voices. I think I won this argument.”
Coworker: “Wow… Does your uncle hate me now?”
Me: “He probably thinks you’re a little homophobic.”
Coworker: “I don’t think anyone has ever proven me wrong so successfully.”
Me: “You proved yourself wrong, buddy. I had nothing to do with it.”
(My coworker was so shocked by this that he apologised to my uncle when he next saw him and stopped complaining about people getting off for the Pride Parade. Obviously, change doesn’t happen overnight, but he has absolutely stopped making homophobic comments, and although he didn’t come to the Parade, one of my coworkers told me he asked her where he can buy a Straight Alliance pin. He promises to come to the Pride Parade this year, so we’ll see what happens.)
