We’ll Update The Acronym ASAP

, , , , , | Working | February 2, 2021

My employer, as many do, allows employees to self-identify based on race, gender, disability, sexual orientation, etc. I would consider myself asexual, but I have no interest in being shoehorned into anyone’s diversity box, so I have left my employee profile on its default settings. 

While doing the annual check of my profile to be sure that my emergency contact info is up to date, I notice something amusing. The choices in the sexual orientation category on our profiles are: “Yes, I am part of a minority group and this is what it is,” “Yes, I am part of a minority group but I don’t want to name it or you don’t have it defined,” or, “No, I am not part of a minority group.”

Since I have not altered the setting, this line on my profile reads, “Sexual orientation: No.”

I’m now considering the possibilities of defining myself as a nothankyousexual.

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This Is Why People Stay In The Closet

, , , , , , | Working | January 14, 2021

I’m bisexual, but I only tell people if I trust them. I grow close to one girl at my work and decide to tell her. A few days later, I’m working a shift with a male coworker who treats everyone rudely and whom nobody likes.

Male Coworker: “So… [Friend] told me you’re gay.”

Me: *In shock* “Um, no, I’m not gay. I’m bisexual.”

Male Coworker: “That’s basically the same thing; you’re just confused. You’ll find a good man eventually, even with that lip piercing and weird holey ears.”

Me: “What business is it of yours, anyway?”

Male Coworker: “I’m just saying, it’s not natural.”

A few days later: 

Male Coworker: “So, my girlfriend and I were looking to try new things in the bedroom. Do you want to join us?”

Me:No. Don’t talk to me again unless it’s about work.”

Male Coworker: “Come on! It’s not like anyone would want to date you, anyway!”

Me: “So first, I’m unnatural, and now I’m suddenly a hopeless whore? You’re twisted, [Male Coworker]. I wasn’t going to say this, but this is why nobody likes you. You’re conceited and condescending.”

Male Coworker: *Rolls his eyes* “Oh, please. I’m not here to make friends, just to make money. In ten years, I’ll be the manager and you’ll be dead in the streets!”

I talked to the Human Resource rep and the manager and they both spoke to him, but his behavior did not improve. He wound up getting fired for cussing out a gay couple.

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The Bride Was Always Inside

, , , , | Right | December 15, 2020

We sell bridal gowns. I am in charge of a very pretty young lady and her tearful mother. The young woman is getting married to her fiancé of ten years. As I am fitting her dress, a conversation overlaps our own. An elderly lady has intervened herself into our area with her obviously spoiled child.

Elderly Woman: “I can’t believe this.”

She rushes toward me.

Elderly Woman: “Excuse me, miss, but can I talk to you?”

I am oblivious to the young girl’s sudden paled expression.

Me: “Of course, ma’am! I’ll be right back, [Young Woman].”

I follow the elderly lady only a few paces away, and she gives me a stern look that throws me off guard.

Elderly Lady: “Do you know who that is?!”

She gestures openly to the young lady I am fitting, who seems uncomfortable.

Me: “Ah, that’s [Young Woman], my client!”

Elderly Lady: *Scoffs with disgust* “His real name is [Male Name] and he’s a t****y! He’s trying to be a woman!”

Me: “…”

Elderly Lady’s Daughter: “I went to school with him when he was ‘still a boy.'”

They both look at my client with obvious distaste.

Elderly Lady: “It’s disgusting that you are serving such an abomination. You’ll go to Hell!”

The young girl has obviously started crying, wringing herself from her mum’s arms and trying to walk toward the private dressing areas.

Elderly Lady: “I demand you refund them at once and ban them from your store! Or you will lose my daughter as your client!”

The mother of the young girl looks terrified and is fuming with anger, and before she can say what she is about to, I hold up my hand and take a calm step toward the elderly woman.

Me: “Ma’am, I will not be banning this beautiful young lady for being who she wants to be.”

Elderly Lady: “I demand to speak to someone with higher authority, not some disgusting sinner like you.”

Me: *Smiles* “As it turns out, I am the general manager of this particular store. And I’m going to have to ask you to leave before I call security on you for disruption and verbal assault.”

Elderly Lady: “I want my money back!”

After a brief swap of words, the lady stormed out of the building. The disrespect shocked me.

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It’s Only A Big Deal If You Make It One

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 5, 2020

A friend from college used to have a female name. After years of struggling with her identity, she became [Male Name] and began transitioning. We were friends for about ten years before this, and his male name is close to his female name — like Andrew and Andrea — so sometimes I use [Female Name] by mistake. He corrects me every time, but I still feel bad. One day shortly after he began his hormones, we are out for food.

Me: “Hey, [Female Name]—”

Friend: “[Male Name].”

Me: “Oh, f***, I’m so sorry!”

Friend: “It’s okay. Next time you owe me a dollar, though.”

Me: “Deal.”

We shake on it.

A random girl comes to our table and stands over us.

Girl: “Transphobia is disgusting.”

Friend: “She wasn’t—”

Girl: “She was!”

Friend: “Look, I appreciate what you’re doing, but I’m okay. It was an accident, that’s all.”

She stands there, glaring at me.

Me: “So, [Male Name], as I was saying —”

Girl: *To me* “A**hole.” *Storms off*

My friend and I looked at each other. He rolled his eyes and laughed. I never use [Female Name] anymore, and my friend is happier and healthier than I’ve seen him in years.

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Getting A Master’s Degree In Fierce

, , , , , , , | Related | December 1, 2020

I’m a big fan of “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” My mom is a child of the sixties, and I figure she would get a kick out of seeing the challenge where the drag queens perform in a musical where they have to sing and dance as Cher at different stages of her career.

We’re watching together and she seems amused, but it’s sort of like she doesn’t quite get what’s going on. Then, eventually, it clicks…

Mom: “Oh! They’re all men!

Me: “More or less. Why did you think they were all dressed up as Cher? She’s been a gay icon for fifty years.”

Mom: “Well, I don’t know, honey. Your generation does all kinds of strange things. I’ve just learned to smile and nod and let you do whatever makes you happy.”

When “Canada’s Drag Race” became a thing, Mom particularly enjoyed the episode where the queens had to dress up as Celine Dion.

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