“Hamburger,” The First Word You Learn In American

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2019

(I work at a popular coffee chain in Canada. This happens in the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]! What can I get for you?”

Customer: *in broken English, with a thick accent* “Hamburger!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Hamburger!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry hamburgers here.”

Customer: “HAMBURGER!”

Me: “We don’t have hamburgers. Would you like to try a steak and cheese panini, or a turkey club, or a ham and swiss, or—“

Customer: “No. No! Hamburger! HAMBURGER!”

Me: *getting a little desperate* “Crispy chicken?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! Hamburger!”

Me: “Okay! Anything else?”

Customer: “Fries!”

(I should’ve left it at the sandwich.)

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No Holiday From These Customers

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2018

(I work in a store in a mall. During a regular day we open at 9:30, before the rest of the mall. On holidays, we open at 10:00 am with the rest of the mall. It is New Year’s Day. I am getting the front area of the store ready for the day at least an hour before we open. As it gets closer to our regular time of opening, people start crowding around the doors waiting to get in. A few minutes after our regular open time, a customer starts pounding on the door. I go to a small door to see what the customer wants.)

Me: “Hello. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “What the h***, lady? Why aren’t you open yet? You are supposed to be open!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t open until 10:00 this morning.”

Customer: “No, you open at 9:30! Open the door so I can go inside already.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t open at 9:30 today—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “Yes, you do. I can read your store hours! It’s posted right there!” *points at the sign*

Me: “Yes, it says our holiday hours are 10:00 am to 6:00 pm.”

Customer: “It’s not a holiday. What are you talking about? Just open the store; I have places to be.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s a holiday today, and I can’t open the store until 10:00 am. We don’t have the staff scheduled until 10:00 am to run the store. Right now it’s just me and one other person. I am very sorry, but I need to go back inside to finish my work before we open.”

Customer: “But you are supposed to be open now!”

Me: “We will be open in 15 minutes. I am sorry. I really have to go now.”

(Fast forward to 10:00 am:)

Customer: “About time you guys opened! I can’t believe you guys think that it’s a holiday today!”

(The customer continues to complain and be frustrated and angry with me and the entire staff the entire time she is in the store.)

Customer: *leaving the store* “IT’S NOT A HOLIDAY!”

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No Rack Slack

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2018

(I am in working in a women’s clothing shop and overhear this exchange between a mother and her young daughter as they are shopping. The daughter picks up a brightly-coloured top, which happened to be on the floor, and shows it to her mother.)

Daughter: “What about this one, Mom? I think it would look go on you.”

Mom: “No! It’s ugly; put it back!”

(The daughter, obviously sad her mom didn’t like her choice, goes to hang the shirt back on the rack. The mom rips it out of her hand and dumps it on the floor.)

Mom: “Did you find it on the rack?”

Daughter: *even more distraught than before* “Well, no…”

Mom: “You put it back where you found it. They have staff to clean up the mess!”

(She grabbed the daughter’s hand and pulled her away from me, as I got called to help as a cashier. I wanted to go to the girl and pick up the shirt and thank her for trying to help keep the store clean.)

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Unfiltered Story #116422

, , | Unfiltered | July 8, 2018

(I work at a store that is part of a strip mall. The 8 or so parking spaces directly in front of our store are reserved for our customers, with a large parking lot behind them. A man comes in one night.)

Me: Hi sir! Is there anything I can help you find?

Man: No, I’m not here to buy anything. I was just concerned about the parking spaces that are reserved for your customers. I know the layout of the parking lot isn’t your fault, but I don’t think that it’s fair that you have so many reserved spaces. There’s never any room close to [business next door] to park.

Me: Well, you’re right. The parking lot layout is not at our discretion so you would probably want to contact the building manager instead. But you do have the entire lot to park in, as we only have 8 spaces reserved.

Coworker: Plus nobody actually checks the parking spaces in front of our store. I’m sure you could park there, go to [business next door] and nobody would notice.

Man: It just doesn’t seem fair. You should contact your building manager!

Me: About the parking spaces in front of our store that are reserved for our customers. Right. If you’ll give me a moment, I can pull up the number for the building manager now. You let me know how that call goes.

Making Money From The Books

, , , , , , | Learning | December 13, 2017

(My professor has asked for the class’s opinions of the textbooks we read from this semester. Most people weren’t fans of [Book #1]. Note that students typically sell their books in an informal used book exchange at the end of the semester.)

Student #1: “[Book #1] was a bit dry.”

Student #2: “And the chapters dragged on. It could have been more concise in getting to its point.”

Student #3: “Yeah, it wasn’t difficult to read, just time consuming.”

Student #4: “I’d prefer if we’d only had to read [Book #2].”

Student #5: “But please use [Book #1] again next year so that we can sell our copies to the next class!”

(The class laughed.)

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