Impossible To Get A Handle On This

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2017

(I work in a showroom for kitchen and bath fixtures and faucets.)

Customer: “I need a handle for a faucet. Mine is broken.”

Me: “Okay, we can probably get you a replacement. What faucet is it?”

Customer: “A kitchen one.”

Me: “Okay… what brand?”

Customer: “A kitchen one.”

Me: “Uhm… okay… is it—” *lists popular brands*

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s my kitchen faucet.”

Me: “How many handles does it have? One? Two?”

Customer: “A broken one.”

Me: “So… one handle?”

Customer: “And a not broken one.”

Me: “Okay… So, two handles?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do any of the ones on our wall look like it?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have the handle with you?”

Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

Me: “I have no idea how to help you. I need a brand to start with, or the handle, or even a picture. Do you have a picture?”

Customer: “No. Can you get me a handle?”

Me: *internally screaming*

Locked The Door To Obnoxiousness

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2017

(I am an independently contracted window artist. On this occasion, I am painting the glass double doors at the entrance of a restaurant. When customers approach the double doors, I usually open one for them, because otherwise, they tend to stand there confusedly, despite the full functionality of the door I’m NOT working on. This time, however, I’m standing on a chair and concentrating hard, so when a middle-aged woman approaches the entrance, I just smile and gesture to the other door. She clears her throat rather loudly and pointedly.)

Me: “You can go ahead through this other door, ma’am.”

(I return to my work. After I moment, I realize she hasn’t moved. I look back and find her GLARING at me.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to open this door for me? Are you new or something? Your customers are more important than your silly drawings.”

(I had almost been ready to get down from my chair and open the door for her, but after this, I’m less willing.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not an employee. I just come here to do the art. As I said, you are welcome to go in through this door here.”

Customer: “That’s no excuse! They’re paying you, aren’t they? That makes you an employee!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is not in my job description to open doors for customers, especially when I am standing on a wobbly chair.”

(The woman huffed loudly and yanked open the door I AM WORKING ON, slamming it into my chair and causing me, in my flail for balance, to drag my hand through my fresh paint and ruin my work. I told the manager what happened, and she showed me how to lock the doors individually so I could lock the one I am working on. When the woman approached the door to leave, she deliberately tried to shove my door open again. Instead, she just slammed HERSELF hard against the locked door. She then opened the other door and rushed out without looking at me. It sounded like that door hurt!)

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Very Ugly Graphics

, , , , , | Working | October 2, 2017

(I need a new graphics card but have a very limited budget. Rather than go to the big chain store, I decide to try a family run shop nearby. I get no answer on the phone, so I email them my requirements:)

Me: “Hi, I’m looking for a new graphics card. I have a [card] running with [processor, motherboard, ram, etc.] and a budget of [price]. Can you please drop me an email to see what is the best option, or if there is anything just out of my budget that would be far better?”

(A week goes by, and no response. I call and email again; another week passes, and no response. I reluctantly end up going to the chain store and getting something suitable, but eventually, I get a call from the family store.)

Employee: “Hi, this is [Employee] from [Store]. I understand that you were interested in a graphics card?”

Me: “Oh, yes. Sorry, that was weeks ago; I already have a new one.”

Employee: “Really? I have a great card that has been repaired.”

Me: “That is a shame, but like I said, I already have a new card.”

Employee: “Can’t you return it?”

Me: “No. Like I said, it has been weeks. It has been installed and running.”

Employee: *suddenly agitated* “You just can’t help some people.”

Me: “Apparently YOU can’t, no.”

(I didn’t bother going back to them again. I wonder how they manage to keep in business.)

Peppered With Requests For Water

, , , , , | Working | September 28, 2017

(I and my two friends go out to eat after work. [Friend #1] was born in Peru, but was adopted as an infant by her white mother and as such, has no connection to South American culture. This means she has a very low tolerance for spicy food. We are eating, and [Friend #1] realizes she just ate a jalapeño accidentally. We flag down our server to ask for some water.)

Server: *with three glasses of water* “Wait, why do you need water?”

Friend #2: “Please, she just had too much spice.”

Server: *while still holding the water away from the table* “But, she doesn’t need water. Why do you need water? Aren’t you Spanish or something?”

Me: “Please, just give her the water. She is not Spanish, and that doesn’t matter anyway.”

Server: “But I don’t get it; why can’t she eat spicy stuff?”

(We looked at each other and glared at her until she gave our friend her water.)

The Most Annoying Growth In The Room Isn’t The Tumor

, , , , , | Working | September 28, 2017

(I’m visiting my doctor for a checkup following a surgery to remove an early-stage cancerous tumor. When the checkup is finished, the physician asks me if I have any other questions or concerns.)

Me: “Well, actually, I’m worried about [hormonal disorder]. I’ve a fam—”

Doctor: *cutting me off* “You don’t have that.”

Me: “What? My mother has this disorder, my sister has just recently been diagnosed, and we’re fairly certain my grandmother had it, too. Plus, I noticed—”

Doctor: “You don’t have that. If you did, we’d be seeing [other, unrelated symptom], and we’re not. So, you don’t have it. Anything else you want to ask me about?”

(Irritated, I told the doctor that I didn’t have any more questions, and left. I ended up contacting a different doctor for a second opinion. The new doctor asked me about my symptoms and medical history, and then immediately sent me for diagnostic tests. It turns out that I DO have the disorder, and a fairly severe case, too! She couldn’t believe it when I told her that my usual doctor wouldn’t even look into my concerns, when all of my symptoms and history pointed to this disorder. It just goes to show you the value of getting a second opinion, and that it’s okay to “fire” your physician if they aren’t doing a good job!)

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