They’ll Be Lucky To Get A C-Minus-Minus

, , , , , , | Learning | January 17, 2018

(I work as a freelance tutor. Most of my students are at the local community college. On this day, I am meeting a student in the early afternoon, but I’ve arrived early and am eating lunch in the cafeteria. A student I’ve worked with before sits down at my table.)

Student: “Hey, [My Name]! What are you up to?”

(I’m a little suspicious, since we don’t know each other well and I’ve never liked her. She’s very demanding, tends to whine rather than even try to do her work, and doesn’t always pay me. But I figure I should be polite.)

Me: “I’m meeting a student after lunch. What have you been up to?”

Student: “Well, actually, I have a C programming project that’s giving me trouble.”

(C programming is my best subject, and I’ve tutored her in it before. I assume she failed and is retaking the class.)

Student: “It would be great if you could take a look!” *gives me puppy-dog eyes*

Me: “Okay, when is it due?”

Student: “Tonight!”

Me: “Well, I have a student I’m supposed to meet, but she tends to run late. You can come with me to the room where we’re meeting, and I’ll help you until she shows up, all right?”

Student: “Okay!”

(We go to the classroom and the student turns on the computer.)

Me: “First, can you bring up the class and show me the assignment, so I know what you’re trying to do?”

(She opens the assignment on the computer and shows it to me.)

Me: “I thought you said you were taking C programming? This is C++.”

Student: “Oh, yeah. I guess it is C++.”

Me: “Well, I can Google the shortcuts that I don’t know; it’ll just take a little longer. Can you show me what you’ve done so far?”

Student: *blank stare, not even guilty or scared, just uncomprehending*

Me: “Have you started this assignment?”

Student: “No.”

(We start the assignment from scratch, and I am able to Google what I need, but the student is being uncooperative as usual. Whenever I ask her a question, whether it’s about course material, how she would start to solve a problem, or even basic knowledge like how many days are in a year, she just gives me a blank look and says she doesn’t know. Finally, when we’re about halfway done…)

Me: “Look, this isn’t something you would have memorized in class. You just need to think about it for a second.”

Student: “I shouldn’t have to put up with this! I’m really trying and you just give me this attitude all the time!”

Me: “Let’s review. This program was assigned to you a week ago. You have done no work on it. You have made no effort to get help; it was pure dumb luck you ran into me in the cafeteria. You don’t even know the name of the class you’re taking. I agreed to work you, cutting my lunch short, on zero notice, and to help you write a program from scratch in a language I haven’t even taken a class in, knowing the odds are only about 50-50 that you’re even planning to pay me. I’ve sat here for the last half hour doing far more of the work than I should have, while you have refused to make any effort whatsoever. You know what? You’re absolutely right. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.”

(I packed up my stuff and walked out without another word as she tried to backpedal. Don’t worry about my original student; I texted and arranged to meet her in another room. The next day I mentioned the incident to one of the computer science professors, and his only comment was, “She got halfway through that program?”)

Hands-Off Tamp-On

, , , , , , , | Working | January 14, 2018

(My coworker and I are putting items back on the shelves. I’ve got an armful of beauty products that I’m putting back, in addition to a whole cart full of items that a customer left. He’s just standing there, watching. He’s male, I’m female. We’re both in college.)

Me: “Hey, there’s a few boxes of tampons in the cart that go on this aisle. Can you put them back?”

Coworker #1: “Ew! No, you do it.”

Me: “Okay, then you come put all this makeup back.”

Coworker #1: “No way; that’s girl stuff!”

Me: “Then put the tampons away.”

Coworker #1: “That’s so gross.”

Me: “They’re not used, you idiot. They’re individually wrapped in a freaking box.”

Coworker #1: “I’m not touching those.”

Me: “What are you going to do when you get a girlfriend?”

Coworker #1: “She’s buying her own tampons.”

([Coworker #2], also a college-age guy, walks over.)

Coworker #2: “[Coworker #1], man, you’ve got to be kidding me. Dumba**.”

(He grabs the boxes of tampons out of the cart and puts them back on the shelf.)

Coworker #2: “This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

(He high-fived me and headed back to his register.)

Pushing The Punishment

, , , | Working | January 12, 2018

While both of my parents were in the Army for many years, my mother has the more interesting stories. One story was from when she was an active-duty sergeant on base.

Two of her privates come to PE late, “strolling in,” as my mom puts it. As their sergeant, she tells them that as punishment, every time they see her, they have to do push ups.

At first, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but soon enough, they are given PX duties. My mom comes in to shop, and the privates stop and do push ups. She comes to the register to check out, and the privates stop and do push-ups. My mom goes around the store and comes up behind them. They stop and do push-ups.

They beg my mom to stop and promise to not be late to PE again.

An Efficiency Deficiency

, , , | Working | January 11, 2018

(We have a drop-shipping contract with one of our suppliers, and they will process some of our orders for us. Part of that contract is to get the orders out in a maximum of five working days. We have recently had a lot of snow, and their office closed for two days, which caused some delays. Some orders have now been waiting for nine working days due to the backlog. A customer has just requested a cancellation, as they want different items. As this is a drop-ship order, I need to call them to stop it from going out.)

Me: “Hi, could we please cancel [order]? The customer has just requested a cancellation.”

Supplier: “Sorry, it was shipped out a couple of hours ago.”

Me: “Really? The order was only placed about five hours ago.”

Supplier: “Yeah, we are just very efficient sometimes.”

Me: “Has all of the backlog been fully cleared, then? We have had a few people calling this week to ask what is going on with their order, as they are well outside the five-day limit.”

Supplier: “Not quite, sorry.”

Me: “Then, why are you shipping orders placed today, instead?”

Supplier: “We like being efficient, sometimes.”

Not Everyone’s Cup Of C

, , , , , | Right | January 11, 2018

(I’m working at a very well known lingerie store when a man walks up to me.)

Customer: “Hello, I am looking for a bra for my wife, since it is our anniversary.”

Me: “I’d be happy to help! Do you know her bra size?”

Customer: “Um, no, I don’t.”

Me: “Well, do you at least know either the band size or the cup size?”

Customer: “Eh, no, I don’t.” *uses his hands to gesture grabbing his boobs* “I mean, they’re big, but not that big.”

Me: “That sounds like a C-cup. Right this way.”